I need help

[cooldragon]

I just cant figure out what the hell i am doing in my life. I feel like i am failing at everything and i cant have fun at all or be happpy because of all the things that are running in my head.

 

The main thing that is bothering me now is that i feel one of my closest friend and me are drifiting apart. The only thing is i dont put the effort to see her because i get jealous or feel horrible when i see her because couple of months back i asked if we could be in a relationship but she doesnt want that. she just wants to stay friends.

 

when i first met her which was 4 months ago we were always together at work and after work but as time has gone on i see her less and less and talk to her less. she has found more guys to hang out with. she invites me everywhere she goes but i still feel like a third wheel or just think that i dont even need to be there.

 

the thing is since i have no chance with her it makes things worse. i think about her all the time but there is nothing thats gonna happen. i want to forget her and find someone else but i cant do that. i work with her so its not like i can avoid her and i dont think thats the best solution. Plus its hard for me to find someone else so i dont know what to do. i just wish i could stop thinking about her all the time.

[LostInMyThoughts]

Ouch my friend, thats quite a problem to have to deal with. Sorry man.

 

I wish I could give you an easy way out (join the circus?), but I don't think its possible.

 

You're in a bind, you want to get this girl out of your head, but its not as easy as minimizing contact with her because you work together.

 

Do you have a good report with your boss? Could you ask to be assigned to different shifts for the time being? If not, do you want to find a new job?

 

As for your friendship, part of me wants you to be honest with her, and tell her that you're gonna try to minimize contact just so you can get your feelings straight. That way she'll know its not something she did that is causing you to drift away.

 

Good luck bro.

[cooldragon]

its not like she is doing anything wrong. its me cause i just want to avoid her so i dont get those feelings. my last gf i had when i broke up i stopped talking to her and it worked but her she is still a really good friend so i cant just take her out of my life completley.

 

 

well, i know she said no and its understandable. She doesnt mind being friends and i used to spend alot more time with her but i have stopped because of how i feel when i am around her. She has noticed and told me why i keep ditching and not seeing her but i dont really want to give the exact reason.

 

i have other people who i spend most of my time with but its not as fun as it is with her. i know she doesnt even know whats going on and that makes it worse. its all in my head and its so hard for me to think so negativly about everything.

 

its kind of scary that i am putting so much thought into one person and i shouldnt. however, i have been like this for a few years. i ususally obsess about something, if its pain in my shoulder, stomach, the way people act toward me, school, her, etc. I just move on from one thing to the next and worry about it constantly.

 

i have started reading a few books on how to stop worrying but most of the time i am not able to change myself and it is taking alot of time.

[LostInMyThoughts]

Change doesn't happen overnight.

 

And I wouldn't worry about thinking so much about one person, thats normal behavior. I'm glad you realize that spending so much thought on a person who doesn't want to be with you in that way isn't a good thing, and that you're working on it.

 

Do you think it will be much easier on your friendship if you told her the truth? Instead of just ditching her and making up excuses?

[cooldragon]

well the past two days i spent a few hours with her. it was alot of fun but again in the end its like i cant get what i want. i want more than just a friendship but its not going to happen. its frustrating. overall though i wasnt feeling too bad about it.

 

the only thing is i feel like i wont be able to find a girlfriend. i have only had one girlfriend and that was for a few months and i am 19. so i keep thinking that i am inferior and dont deserve one which is definitly not true. i dont really know how to begin and approach girls and find someone else. i mean its not her problem its more me that i am not finding someone else.

 

to answer the question, i already asked her out and she said no. she is still dealing with the breakup of her 6 year relationship where she was abused. she isnt dating anyone and hasnt since the breakup which was 7 months ago. i talked to one of her friends and she said that she may want to be in a relationship with me but i see no signs of that at all. its frustrating

[cooldragon]

ah man. i hung out with her again and i now just dont seem to like to spend time with her since again that bothers me. this time she was actually telling me about how she had a few on night stands with other guys after breaking up with her boyfriend and i didnt say much but i was pissed inside. i dont want to think about it but its kind of hard not to. i dont even want to talk to her anymore. i dont know what to do in order to not make it bother me so much too. i just want to let it go and sometimes i wish i never had met her. things would be alot lesss painful