thegoodgirl04 Posted April 9, 2006 Share Posted April 9, 2006 that I was in total agreence with breaking up (I started to resent this man and become really annoyed with him and his actions) and now I can't even think straight anymore, I am scattered brained, forgetful, lazy. Did he mean more to me than I thought or is it because we were together all the time and I have to just get used to being without him. I feel like a loser because he seems to be getting along fine (I don't know this for sure, but the last time I saw him he was running around his house doing things like a chicken with this head cut off) but there are indications that he wasnt doing so well, like he wasnt thinking so clearly. It just stinks to go through so much with someone, good and bad, and for it to come to this. I am still going strong with no contact, and I'm not doing it to make him come back, cause if he did come back I wouldn't want him anyway, it's just the memories that are sad. He said maybe in a few months we can talk with out weirdness, well I don't want to talk in a few months. Now I've had two dreams about him in two nights, great! Last nights was I went to his house and he was telling me how great he was doing and then tried to have sex with me and I said no, I even have willpower in my dreams! Why can't I get over it, I just want to be done and get back to me and be happy, not always walking around with this weight on my shoulders hoping not to run into him (we live in the same town). I wish I could look at everything with a birds eye view, then I would be OK. Cause from what my friends said, they knew he wasn't making me happy. I knew I wasnt happy too, I just chose to ignore it. Do people ever change, if they lie in your relationship, do they do it again in their next? Thanks for letting me vent, I'm getting there... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SxcLady Posted April 9, 2006 Share Posted April 9, 2006 I have 2 questions for you ... How long have you been doing NC now? And ... How long ago did you two break up? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thegoodgirl04 Posted April 9, 2006 Author Share Posted April 9, 2006 We broke up March 23 and I have been doing NC since March 31. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kellbell Posted April 9, 2006 Share Posted April 9, 2006 Hi there lady, I am sorry you are having a tough time. (((hugs))) Dreams, IMO are a way to let the brain sort out what is going on in your life. It is a type of release as well. You were strong in your dream because your subconscious knows this is right thing to do (staying away from him; you were not happy with him) and also, you ARE strong, you are not giving yourself enough credit. Your subconsious knows what is right, on the surface, you may be fighting it. This an example of when I believe you should pay special attention to your dreams. Also, to answer your other question. Do people change? Sure they do...if they REALLY WANT to, or if something tragic happens. Then, yes, I believe people change. But one thing I tend to stress to others (myself as well) is that we have to come to terms of whom are ex's truly ARE and not what we THOUGHT he/she is. You said it yourself, you were not happy but you chose to ignore it. You were not happy because he was not the one for you and deep inside you knew it. We tend to ignore subtle signs that our ex's were not what we wanted. We either think things will get better over time, we can "tame" or "change" the person, that we cannot do any better, or that dreaded fear of being alone. So we SETTLE. You miss having him around, maybe not necesarrily HIM persae. You have been taken out of your comfort-zone, which may be making you nervous, scatter-brained, upset, and so forth. This will pass over time...believe me. This is when NC is so crucial, this allows you to pass through this stage. You are doing great. Try to hang in there and take it one day at a time. (((hugs))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thegoodgirl04 Posted April 9, 2006 Author Share Posted April 9, 2006 Thanks Kell, it's funny cause the last thing he said to me was "you were trying to make me someone I'm not, I'm sorry I wasn't the person you wanted me to be" very interesting for someone who doesn't communicate very well. I believe that about dreams too, I just wish I wouldn't remember them when I wake up! I believe he won't change, but maybe he will, he lies a lot, to try and save face. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SxcLady Posted April 9, 2006 Share Posted April 9, 2006 This is normal to feel this way in the first month(at least) during NC or even just breaking up. Stay Strong. He may look like he is doing great ... you know keeping himself busy. But soon he will realize ... and he may even have a breakdown. But dont go back to help him!!! it will only make matters worse. Stay Strong and Stay Away! GoodLuck Goodgirl! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thegoodgirl04 Posted April 9, 2006 Author Share Posted April 9, 2006 Thanks sxclady, it's just hard, I don't want to know that is he is not doing well, that's just mean, but a little bit inside of me would like to know that he is having trouble just like me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SxcLady Posted April 9, 2006 Share Posted April 9, 2006 I didnt mean it too sound like im being a b***h. I just meant that alot of males do have problems but refuse to let them show, so dont think that because you cant see it, he is doing great. Also I know its hard but stick to it. Ive been in a similar situation, and i know how hard it is too stay away when they need someone to help them. But when this happens ... you cant be the one he falls back onto. As then you will end up in an even tougher position. Understand? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thegoodgirl04 Posted April 9, 2006 Author Share Posted April 9, 2006 Oh yes I know, I hope he doesnt contact me though, I hope it's someone else. I don't think you are mean, your a straight shooter like me. Your just telling the truth. He does have problems letting it show, but the funny thing is (not that I thought it was funny just strange) he cried about breaking up, then he said he'll deal with it in his own time. Its just so frustrating, he was the perfect guy for me, other than the fact he lied, possibly cheated and wasn't there for me! Lol! Just writing that looks ridiculous! Other wise he was a great guy! lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SxcLady Posted April 9, 2006 Share Posted April 9, 2006 LOL i know exactly what you mean ... Anyway, GoodLuck and hope you find someone better (jokes ... you know what i mean) TaTa Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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