Finally

[lonely days]

Well I've finally come to the realization that my ex and i will never get back together and in all honesty i think it's for the best. I did all the wrong things in the beginning of the breakup and pushed her further away.

 

I tried so hard to get her back but the whole time there was a little voice in my head saying Why do you want her? She kissed another guy after being with me for five years. What does she have to offer that another girl can't give me? Why did she stay with me all of those years when i was abusing myself with multiple daily doses of marijuana during the entire relationship and for years before?

 

I guess I can't help but miss someone i shared the majority of my time with for 5 years. It's been a huge adjustment so far because everything in my life got tossed upside down due to this break up. I thought we would be together forever and i was finally settled down after years of nomadic like movement throughout the country and was well on my way to a new and rewarding career.

 

Well things change and i must turn my mistakes into lessons and finally move forward after 5 months of limbo. If any positives have come out of this it's me finally getting over a ten year addiction and I am proud of the progress I have made during this difficult time.

 

I now know that there is most likely someone better out there for me once i figure out exactly who i am again after all of those years being numb, it's a hard change, it seems now that there are so many more hours in the day and i miss the companionship and the sex but my family is happy to have their son back and my friends are happy that they can relate to me again without a haze of smoke filtering out all of my good qualities.

 

Somethings are a blessing in disguise and if this breakup had not have happened who knows how much longer i would have continued down the same destructive path. It's time to start fresh and live the life that i should have been living all along and hopefully at some point there will be a special girl who wants to join the ride.

 

I guess i am just venting but any comments would be apprecited or any advice on how to move forward after such a big transition.

[evy38]

I think if you've learned things about yourself, your relationship and what you want out of life and women, then all this pain will at least have some small silver lining.