Ridiculous...utterly stupid.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

I never thought I'd be posting a typical *I cant get over it!* message.

 

In 2005, in March, I was 16 and got together with a 14 year old who I thought was 15 at the time (he looks older than he is). Maybe it was wrong of me (we are now 15 and 17), but he was fantastic, and I made sure he took ALL the initiative for anything physical. He was so intelligent, attractive, self-assured, friendly and proud of who he was (a strong Christian, for example). Even though I could barely see him out of school (his parents were a little overprotective..etc), it didnt matter. I loved him. In the total of 2.5 months that we were together, we saw each other as much as possible, we were in love. He made me feel like I WAS beautiful, that I mattered.

 

It felt like an honour to be with him.

 

I was in a major depression at the time and it upset him to the point of tears when I had a particularly bad day. I didnt want to get help but he pleaded with me, so I did it for him, because I loved him. Its no exaggeration to say..he saved my life, I wouldnt listen to anyone else and only sought help because of him.

 

After a couple of months, though, he ended it (gradually, nicely, with utmost respect)..saying that he loved me, he always would, but there were too many factors (parents, school, friends/age, religion...) that meant it wasnt really working practically. He called me/texted me occasionally over the next few months, wanting to know how I was etc. (I left school that year).

 

In our last phone call, he told me he still loved me, always would, and cried over it. He knows Ive had other people since then. He hasnt..his msn profile etc says Single Not Looking. He's 16 this year.

 

He finally got msn lately and Id say we talk about 1-2 times a week. This hurts. But we had a Never Say Never thing going on, as in, we never ruled out something happening when he/we were older. We were incredibly, deeply attached.

 

I have so much grief over this though. I can cry over him as though it ended yesterday - am still so heartbroken, I have occasoinal dreams about him, and when I wake up and hes not there, it tears me up. Ive been out with a lot of people since then, Ive really changed my life in many areas and god, ive TRIED to move on. I REALLY have. But every day, I see his face in my head.

 

Its gotten to a stage where Im going to have to ask him if he'll only contact me if he wants to restart our relationship in the future, otherwise its just too painful. But until he says *NO* forever, Im always going to see whoever Im with as just a stopever place, if you get me.

 

Alan never promised me anything. But now I need to know ..and I suspect that his answer will be *I really love you and hope we can get together one day*. And thats good in a way, but what to do in the meantime? Theres always a part of me that just wants him and misses him, every flaming day.

 

How can you forget someone you love?

[kellbell]

Hi there AntiLove_SuperStar,

 

First of all, what you are feeling is NOT ridiculous or stupid. I think what you are feeling is normal and understandable. This young man has given you unconditional love, he was your anchor during a terrible time in your life, gave you a taste of what true love is all about...at such a young age. That is something you cannot forget. That is probably going to leave an imprint on your heart for a very long time. You will be eternally grateful.

 

So I feel that you can move on from him and keep a special place in your heart for him...but I do not think you can forget. Perhaps not talking to him for a while might help as far as missing him so much?

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

I am eternally grateful, and at least he knows that.

 

Thank you very much for replying.

 

Yeah, I think I'll have to cut contact.

[kellbell]

Yeah...maybe cutting contact, at least for awhile may be the way to go. Perhaps until you feel better and stronger about the situation...I would try to keep busy with other things.

 

(((hugs)))