Premature marriage-talk, good/bad?

[elizmdavis]

Ever since my bf and I got together, we always felt like we would get married someday. He just feels like "the one" yunno? I know it sounds cliche folks, but the feeling is out there! I was always told "you will just know" whenever I asked anyone how they knew who they were going to marry. With him, I just know!

 

So, since we got together 8 months ago we sometimes say things like "When we are married..." "For our wedding..." "our kids will...." and its fun, also very exciting. I guess this is because it could happen!! And because I would love for it to.

 

But... we are both in college still, I have 1 more year and he has about 2. Graduating is my goal right now and his as well. We talk about getting married like it is inevitable, but I feel like we could be jinxing ourselves too. We don't know for sure when it will happen, it is almost like we hope that it does (God willing).

 

So is all this talk ruining our current relationship (bf/gf in college young and happy)? Because sometimes I feel uncomfortable, like for example the other day I said "Babe, when we get married, our getaway car will be a Toyota Supra!" And it seemed awkward.

 

What do you all think?

[melrich]

First I think a lot of unmarried couples do that. Some end up getting married, some don't. It's like anything you plan in the future...holidays, buying a house, having kids...just because there is a chance it mat not happen doesn't mean you shouldn't talk about it.

 

But if the references are constant, I could see how it could put added expectations on your relationship. I mean all of a sudden you are in some sort of pseudo-engagement without the commitment of being engaged.

 

If it was me, I'd wind back the talk a bit. Focus on having fun together and getting through your studies.

[mystik]

 

But if the references are constant, I could see how it could put added expectations on your relationship. I mean all of a sudden you are in some sort of pseudo-engagement without the commitment of being engaged.

 

If it was me, I'd wind back the talk a bit. Focus on having fun together and getting through your studies.

 

I agree....my ex and I used to talk about it all the time too. Interesting, I have a year to go before I graduate, and he has about two as well... anyhow, he was the first to mention things like that: "I can see myself being married by 25" or "our children are going to be so beautiful" all that stuff. It got me feeling so incredibly happy that the guy was also saying things like this. I can completely understand how you are feeling right now.

 

But..you have to be careful here. Don't put too much meaning into these words quite yet. I don't mean to be a downer but the first year is always a honeymoon of emotions, of love, excitement...all that stuff. We broke up a year into the relationship and what hurt me most was all my expectations and dreams crashing down on me. All of our talk about marriage, kids, the future....it was all supposed to be so concrete and real because those subjects were approached so early on in the relationship. I don't know if it would have hurt any less, but I kind of wish we had never talked so much about those things, because they created expectations. It made me believe that my fairytale was coming true and I threw all caution to the wind.

 

I am not saying that you won't get married or that you will break up - after all, plenty of couples do stay together forever. Many also marry their college sweethearts I guess I am saying to just be careful. Don't necessarily think that just because you guys talk about it, that it means it is more likely to happen. I spent too much of my time focusing on our future together and daydreaming about our wedding, etc, etc. I think I did that because it wasn't just my secret little fantasy. Hearing him say those words made it seem too real.

 

Just enjoy your relationship for what it is now, and a time will come when you say those things and it won't be awkward at all. In fact, you probably won't even have realized you said it. Good luck...

[b8s]

me and my recent ex talked about it as well. and it was talked about right up to the night before we broke up! i wish now i never got into all that talk because i thing it hurt me more in the end and it is making it harder to move on because i had everything planned out thanks to him and when he dumped me and broke my heart he also shattered all the future dreams i had.

[RayKay]

I agree with what the other posters have said, especially that it may or may not happen....!

 

I think *many* couples talk like this, especially earlier on in the relationship when you are living on butterflies and rainbows It's natural to be excited to be together, and to have fun talking about the future.

 

But I think it is very important to not put the pressure onto yourselves, I have been in similar relationships where the guy talked of it, and a little later he was turning around saying things were "too serious" and he was not ready for it yet....

 

I say, just enjoy things in the now, it's fine to have fun talking about the future, but don't think of that as a guarantee yet it will happen either. Enjoy the time in the now.

 

When you ARE ready, you both will talk about it quite seriously, and instead of deciding on getaway cars you will be budgeting finances and deciding whether to keep separate accounts, and whom should be invited and not....a lot less "fun" but much more real, and a bigger indication that is where it is going towards. And it won't be awkward at all, as you will both feel naturally that it is the right step for you both.