Can't get over him!!!

[signofthegoat]

I can't seem to get over and move on from this guy I have been interested in since the beginning of this year. He had been in the same course as mine the entire schoolyear, but I didn't take notice of him until this one particular day when the attraction was magically sprouted. My first impression of him was that he was this unattainable and fairly popular jock who just so happened to enjoy heavy metal. I didn't waste any time and decided to go for it; to get to know this fine-looking young man. My first contact with him was through MySpace where I invited him to go bowling with me. To my good fortune, he replied the next day informing me that he'd definitely be up for it sometime.

 

We were now good friends from that point on; we would wave and smile wide to each other as we passed in the hallway and I would give him a DVD to borrow from time to time (this all, of course, being a part of my agenda). As the days passed, I allowed myself to have his innocent, gentlemanly behavior unintentionally lead me on. I would take his opening of doors and asking about my cold or sprained ankle to heart. Now, the reason the two-month pursuit was so enjoyable for me was because not only did it bring out the best in me, but it gave me a sense of hope and newfound confidence. It gave me incentive to get out of bed each morning and attend my courses until I'd get to see him later in the day.

 

I somehow seemed to never find myself stuttering or having sweaty palms whenever I spoke to him, even if it was only for the walk to the next course after the one we shared was over. However, I eventually became exhausted due to all of the effort and moves I pulled with him. I wasn't really getting anything in return except for merely seeming happy to be around me. He never initiated any conversations with me, never made any plans to hang out or even bowl, and only called me one time one evening (when it was technically a "call back," it's just that he wasn't able to get to his cell-phone at the time of my call).

 

Now that I'm passed the infatuation part, where I would brush off all of his flaws, get butterflies in my stomach, and blindly insist that he was interested in me as I was interested in him, I still can't manage to get him out of my head. I'm pretty sure I've gotten him out of my heart, but I go through these "feeling swings," where one day I don't even care if I don't see or hear of him, but then the next I'm in his presense and even the smallest amount of attention I get from him will leave me on Cloud Nine.

 

I know both in my heart and in my mind that this is a lost cause because a lot of my moves may have been meaningless to him, seeing as how he suffers from ADHD and is extremely hard to read. I mean, it's lucky for me if I say something on accident and regret it, yet he didn't even notice it or acknowledge it; but when I do want a certain feeling or sentiment of mine to get through to him, I know that it will be way too hard and just not worth it. I really have no excuse to still have feelings for this guy, but they keep coming back and tugging at my heart.

 

Now that I've seemingly moved on and don't speak with him nearly as much as I used to (however much that even was), a part of the way I feel might be because of how much I miss how I felt during my pursuit of him. I was on a high and I felt like I had him hooked on my fishing line. He wouldn't avoid me, but he'd sometimes be aloof (whether on purpose or not; again, his condition could be attributed to it), and that was just enough to keep me attracted and going.

 

Now, we only have about a month and a half left before we graduate and will likely never see each other again. I am looking forward to moving out of the state and finding love elsewhere. Even though I'm perfectly comfortable with this intention, I still don't want to keep harboring this feelings for this guy inside of me. I've tried everything from meditation, to removing most things around me that might remind me of him, to not making any more efforts to initiate conversations with him. Seeing him in a course each day of the week is a huge part of the reason I can't remove these feelings, but maybe there's some other remedy out there that could help me, especially if I were to suffer from this again in the future? I remain so powerfully attracted and it hurts.

 

 

[WildChild]

Well, you had a huge "crush" on him, and that's o.k. Maybe if you look at it as a crush, and nothing else, it might help you accept the situation as it is right now.

[signofthegoat]

But "accepting" that it was a crush hasn't enabled me to remove the feelings. I've accepted that it's unrequited, and for that I am willing to move on, but they're still there. I want them gone.

[WildChild]

Well, that's the thing about accepting it as a crush. Sometimes crushes never go away, but you accept them for what they are and I dunno, it seems like it makes easier and eventually most crushes do go away. Just think of it like this, after graduation you will be moving away, making it easier to forget about it.