Is it over, or is he really thinking about it?

[resipsa]

My boyfriend and I broke up a week ago. We had been together for over a year. For the past two months we had been fighting about petty things. We are both getting ready to gradutate from law school and the stress of finding jobs and preapring for classes is at times overwhelming. Not only were we a couple for a year, but bestfriends before that. He recently told me that he needed time to be single and "straighten things out in his head." He tells me he still loves me and misses me more and more, yet doesn't know if he wants to try again because he's afraid of how things have been for the past 2 months and does not want that to continue. He said he'll know before the semester ends (in a month) if he feels that we can be in a relationship again. He tells me he doesn't know what's going to happen now, but as soon as he knows how he feels I'll be the first to know. He's not seeing anyone or is interested in anyone else. He tells me I don't have to wait and if I'm there or not it's a risk he has to take so he can determine what he needs in his life.

 

Sooo - I'm here waiting for him to tell me. I feel like an idiot waiting, however, I love him and of course can't move on until I know it's really over. In the meantime, I'm crying constantly. I've lost the person I love and my bestfriend all within a week. I can't even think straight and I have final exams to prepare for. I'm afraid I'm going to fail because I'm so upset I can't do anything but cry and stress out about what he's going to decide.

 

I've asked him over and over if he's just trying to let me down easy and he has repeatedly said "no." I've told him myself that not knowing is worse than knowing its over where I can move on with my life. I just feel like this is being dragged out to a slow death. I wish I just knew or had a clue of what he was going to say.

 

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Please help before I fail and/or cry an ocean.

[JustAnotherFriend]

Hi,

I perfectly understand your situation. A few years ago when I had a heart break it was just 25 days to my final exams out of which I spent 15 days crying. I was also sure to flunk but thats really not what happened. Do you know why? Because of something that dawned on me....

If he really loved me would he treat me like this? While breaking off he kept saying gimme time we might get back togther but what on earth is that supposed to mean? After all the time that I have spent being your girlfriend more time required to know whether you love me or not? Thats all nonsense! he knows by the time he decides I could have moved on and that probably doesnt matter coz *I* dont matter enough!

Coming to your context which is very similar -

The person you are waiting over doesnt care if you are around later or not, so you have to also care more about yourself than him. If you flunk your exam you will be the eventual loser, not him ! He knows very well that you are upset, crying , unable to concentrate and exams are coming up. Cant he add all this to know that his postponing the decision is making you miserable? Put your foot down and put an end to this situation. Dont think about what he is going to decide but make a decision yourself whether you really want to be with such a person, or not. Either way care more for yourself. Study well for your exams, stop asking him what he has decided and surprise him by not being too eager to know. Remember that you shouldnt let your self-respect down for anyone.

Take care. Good luck for your exams!

-JustAnotherfriend