She said she might love somebody else?

[Fusion]

So today my girlfriend said she's having feelings about her friend that yesterday told her they'd never talk again (he hates her for whatever reason, you see). She says sometimes she feels really sad they'll never talk again, other times she feels like she hates him, sometimes she thinks she loves him (as well as me). I don't know what to think now. I told her she needs to figure out how she feels and the like. I don't know why I'm posting here really - anyone else have similar experiences?

[tylercdurden2004]

Maybe hes distancing himself. Absense makes the heart grow fonder. I would out and out confront her on this. She needs to make a choice. If its something a simple as feeling physically attracted to him its one thing(and I think quite normal). But if its more of an emotional attraction then you have problems. i have never broken up or even entertained the thought of leaving a girlfriend cause I find cindy crawford attractive. Physical attraction to someone else is quite normal. Emotional attraction is more of a problem and she needs to figure out why. Maybe there is something she is needing and its missing from your relationship? Maybe she is looking for something you can never provide? only she can figure that out, but its not your duty to go through the wringer inorder for her to figure this out. And again it depends on how long you guys have been together. if its one week well I would just give her space. if its 2 years into the relationship I would have real concerns that she is still looking elsewhere.

[arwen]

Hey fusion,

 

I can relate to that, yes. I think it's 1. good that she is honest about it 2. a big red flag that there is this seemingly strong connection between her and her friend.

 

I was in a longterm relationship on and off, for 4 years. This is years ago, so I don't remember the exact times, but when we broke up the last time, we got back together and he said that he had 'in between' fallen in love with some girl.

 

We were sort of back together, and they were 'friends'. One time, she told him they should never speak. In retrospect, I should have noticed that his reaction was far to strong for just friends... he said he hated her, that she was ugly, etc.

 

I went abroad for studies, decided that the relationship should be over, to find out a year later that he was with her. All this time, he had in fact been using me to get over her. (she was engaged when they met).

 

I don't want to frighten you, but if something occurs to you as a red flag, it probably is. You need to keep the communication lines wide open here. A lot can be read from the way she reacts to him. I can't imagine that a friend would HATE her. Love and hate are in fact quite close, is what I learned from my experience

 

Take care,

 

Ilse

[DN]

I think you are right to tell her to figure out who she has feelings for. She can't have both of you. If I were you I would tell her that you want to be with her but only if she is whole-heartedly wanting to be with you and that you are going to give her some time to decide what she wants.

 

I would also tell her that you are not interested in being her fall-back guy - even if this 'friend' does not want her in his life as a friend or a lover, she should not just settle for you because she can't have him.

 

Guard your heart here!!

[bobo85]

be happy that your girl is being honest with you and is not going behind your back and emotionally cheating on you.

 

I think the best thing for both of you is to give each other space. I'm guessing she's reasonably young and may have to explore other options and see what else is out there before she settles.

 

Give it to her and if things were meant to be....she will come back to you.

 

In the mean time...go out and have fun. I know you won't feel like it but try to get to know other girls. If your girl is out getting to know another guy...you should at least have fun with other girls. If your not ready for that yet go out with the guys.

 

good luck.