PRSOV Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 I know I have made a few posts about this girl, but I feel like I need to vent as such and need some more advice... Up until about a week ago I thought that I had finally gotten over her, even though I still like her very much in every way... everytime that I would go out with friends I still always wished she was the girl I was going home with, which is when I asked myself the question "Am I really over her yet?" This girl I was involved with for the last six months I have no idea what to do with. She consistently plays mind games I swear, which she constantly denies... sometimes I feel like I am so nice that she is just using me to make herself feel good... I was going NC but she still calls and texts me here and there, not harassing or anything like my ex but it's really confusing me. Tuesday night she calls and wants to talk, sure that's fine... She tells me she misses me when we don't talk, and that she really likes me but isn't ready for a relationship yet because she has too many issues from the past etc and that she is just 'crusing' at the moment. So many times I have been on the phone talking to her about these issues trying to help her forward through them but I just feel like it's getting me nowhere... Recently I had my 21st birthday weekend - she asks me if I hooked up with any girls to which I said it didn't really matter and wasn't any of her business kind of... this made her quite angry that I wouldn't answer her question and she kept on asking if I had made out with any other girls... then goes silent when she realises I wasn't going to give her and yes or no answer Exactly one month ago tonight, I was over at her house and we talked after kissing etc. I could tell that she was retracting a bit so we just talked for a bit and I asked her what she really wanted from me - a relationship she replies... do you really want us to work - yes! She even said to me I don't know why the hell you stay around when I just keep letting you down, she hasn't done this in quite some time now... and in saying this she said I don't expect you to wait around for me... I think I love this girl thats the vibe and the feelings I have for her... So many times when I say goodbye to her on the phone she says I love you... I don't want to let her go, this is where I am so totally confused... there is so much of her that I want to hold onto: the sweet text messages, the nice phone talks, the kissing sessions... I don't want all that to just be a distant memory... She said she liked me for around seven months but just never said anything, and was always jealous of all the girls I was dating when I was just friends with her at the time... I guess I would just say we are both just close friends at the moment, we are both single... Sometimes I never think I will get over this girl If we end up losing friendship... and at the moment she says we are close friends with something that could develop into something more... I have thought about totally writing down everything about how I feel on paper and everything that I want to say to her... so many things that I talk to her on the phone about she takes the wrong way... like I said I don't want another girlfriend until I finish my ATPL's (which is about just over a year away) and she takes that as see I knew you didn't want me... when in fact I mean I don't want to get involved with anyone else but you... Any ideas? What should I do? Should I try and ride this out being close friends hoping that it will develop into something more when she eventually does get over these issues of being used for sex in the past etc? But when we are together she told me I am the best thing that ever happened to her and I am the only guy that she has ever been involved with that hasn't pressured her into doing things she doesn't want to... Thanks for reading Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tmp0620 Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 After reading that, it seems from my perspective like things are going pretty well. I guess I'm sorta confused... You both like and are into each other... right? Or am I reading that wrong? Why are you trying to get over this girl? Is the only problem that you guys aren't officially going out? She told you she wanted a relationship, and it sounds like that's what you want too. Have you asked her out? I guess I'm not too sure I understand. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Relationship Coach Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 You can't get over her as long as you are still in contact with her! Go NC and do not accept her calls either. This is about you moving on, not about making her miss you. She tells you things like, she misses you and likes you but she's not ready for a relationship because she wants you to stay available to her and not date. Look how she reacted to your conversation about if you had been dating. She has issues, not you. Don't get caught up in her world, it's spinning way too fast. Let go and realize that this is not the person that you should be with. It appears she likes games and you have a hard time saying no. RC Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tmp0620 Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 "Exactly one month ago tonight, I was over at her house and we talked after kissing etc. I could tell that she was retracting a bit so we just talked for a bit and I asked her what she really wanted from me - a relationship she replies... do you really want us to work - yes! She even said to me I don't know why the hell you stay around when I just keep letting you down, she hasn't done this in quite some time now... and in saying this she said I don't expect you to wait around for me... " I don't get why, after that happened, you guys weren't going out. I really think I'm missing something here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PRSOV Posted March 31, 2006 Author Share Posted March 31, 2006 We did date briefly, for a month... but the issues she had sort of got between us but we both wanted to work on them to try and make something of this... I guess I have just been trying way too hard to make something of this. I guess rc is right, I have to try and let go even though she calls and texts consistantly... Sometimes I do try and look forward to the future and imagine myself with another girl, but I fear that I will still always be thinking about this girl and that wouldn't be fair to the current girl that I would be dating... Sometimes I just can't get past that feeling Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tmp0620 Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 Perhaps you should go NC. I think it's a waste though to end a relationship where both people seem to be into each other. What's missing exactly from the relatioship right now? Exclusivity? Sex? It sounds like you have the closeness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Relationship Coach Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 You can't steal 2nd base as long as you have a foot on 1st. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PRSOV Posted March 31, 2006 Author Share Posted March 31, 2006 yes we are really close... I'm still a virgin so sex is the last thing I am worried about at the moment, I'm concentrating on a relationship if I can ever get through this with her... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tmp0620 Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 So is she just refusing to make it exclusive? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PRSOV Posted March 31, 2006 Author Share Posted March 31, 2006 I can't really say for sure. When I asked her the other night she said she isn't over me and there's no buts about it... she just said she felt "too messed up" in the head to start dating again and that she wants to get herself sorted out... I sort of think that is ok, fair enough she wants to sort herself but instinctively it seems to be mind games, although she isn't the person to do that - she comes accross as too nice... One thing I may should have mentioned before is that she called me up about a month ago at 1am in tears because she had discovered text messages on her dads phone. She thinks he is having an affair... When her mum found out she was upset so everytime I was on the phone to her I asked how her mother was and most of the time she would just reply I don't know... Maybe this has something to do with it as well... Also every time I used to ask her if she just wants to be "single" ie just want to have fun she would always reply a firm no I want to be in a relationship Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tmp0620 Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 Hmmmmm Seems like a tough situation. So it's just her issues that are getting in the way of a relationship. She's really scared of being hurt maybe? I guess I don't really have enough dating experience (none) to give you reliable advice. I can tell you that if it were me I'd stick with her. I'd tell her that I wont date anyone else if she doesn't, but that we aren't "going out" unless/until she wants to be. BTW It doesn't sound to me like she's playing games. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PRSOV Posted March 31, 2006 Author Share Posted March 31, 2006 Yeah, A lot of people have told me to cut off contact for good before and I have stuck around... A few things happened in her past which would cause anyone a lot of psychological problems, I have been there whenever she needed me in the past... I was the only guy willing to talk to her and work things out rationally other than just using her for sex... I like your idea though... something to think about When we first started going out she said a few times she was scared that if we broke up that we wouldn't be friends afterwards because that has happened in the past, I just tried to reassure her that no matter what we would always be friends... and getting hurt was quite strong too she said she was scared of being hurt quite a number of times Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now