Shes got me all wrong

[crumble]

Me and my girlfriend of three years split up because I was doing large amounts of Charlie and it changed my personality so much and I changed from being the caring, strong, confident, fun loving guy of her dreams to a selfish, insecure, paranoid, needy, childish, emotionally messed up, suffocating jerk. We were two days from buying a house and I was gutted because I never realised until now and neither did she how much that stuff messed up our lives. The day she walked out I gave it up and I have clean ever since and I am seeing someone to get my personality back on track. She knows this and since I came clean to my family she says that she has forgiven me 90 percent. She is now messing around with the people she hanged around with me and these people make me look like a saint. But to be honest I agree with her that she had to finish with me to get me off the stuff but now I am off it she doesnt want to know and it is almost as if she hates me even more for trying to sort my life out. The confusing thing is though one minute she tells me if I sort myself of we stand a chance of getting things back together the next minute she tells me its over and for me to move on now that hurts. We did have that special love before the drugs where we both excepted each other for the people we were good and bad. She hasnt let go completely and she still sees my sister once a week but she wont admit to me that she still cares and everytime I push her away by suffocating her and she reacts or I just threaten to just disappear she pulls me back in a little. We had everything we both had new cars, we went on holidays to the Caribbean and we were very much in love. We were about to buy a very nice house for first time buyers. But now it seems she wants to hang around people in crap housing doing drugs and going nowhere. I know I hurt her but she doesnt hate me for it. Is she just confused about who I am and I dont blame her because it was such a gradual change in me that could only be seen now that im almost back to my old self. I know I made promises to her when I was under the influence and she has told me that and doesnt know if she can trust me again in the same breath as saying that she trusts me. It is such a mess and I dont know where to start apart from sorting myself out and then going off to get her back she even said that herself and then changed her mind and has now changed it back again. Unfortuneltly I have been going through hell with the withdrawal and have pushed her away can I pull her back because I am ok and my head is stable now. If only I could see what is going on in her head. Is time the only answer I know she still loves me and many, many people feel she has overreacted but it seems like she has now got tunnel vision and no matter what I do she has it in her head that she cant go back even though I made her happier than she has ever been and we both know now im off the stuff I still can. One of the things she has said is that she needs to see for a longer period of time that im off the drugs and im going to stay off them because she said at the moment she feels that I have given them up for her and that if we were to work things out I would more than likely be ok for a few months and then things would be back to how they were. I could go on and on but I hope this gives you and idea of my troubles.

 

Anyone with a similar experience or a women who might understand whats going on, your advice would be helpful. I know I hurt her and abused her emotionally but she does know it wasnt me

[mushhush1607306438]

It sounds like you are doing some good for yourself by getting off the "Charlie". Good for you! As for her.. If she left you because of the "Charlie", she certainly is giving you mixed signals by hanging around other people that are using it. This makes NO sense to me what-so-ever. That is like a preacher telling us how to change our lives, and then he/she goes out and cheats on his wife. If she wants you off the stuff, and you obliged her, what the heck is she doing hanging out with other people on the same stuff?

 

Perhaps she just compiled an excuse to break-up. Whichever the case may be, you need to pry your attention from her confusing mixed-up weirdness, and settle yourself on a course of self-awareness and progression. The further away from her you steer yourself, the better for you. If she starts to come after you, tell her you are trying to improve your life and this is not a good time for her to come back. Saying that may make her desire you that much more, and who knows---perhaps she'll want to fix herself so that she is GOOD ENOUGH for you.

 

This is just my opinion..I am NOT a professional!

Good Luck!

 

Joe

[crumble]

I stand corrected she isnt going around people doing cocaine she used to smoke alot of cannabis before she met me and she calmed it down for me and the people she is going around with now are into their splifs big time. It is almost as if she has regressed back to the girl before i met her, i suppose it is the only way she knows how to be. From what i hear from my sister she is torn between herself between the person she was and the person she was with me. she has gone from a caring girl with a lot of depth and she is still like that when with me, my family or friends to this self centred imature little girl whos only interested in getting pissed and having a good time because that is what her old friends our like. she even had the cheek to tell me to grow up look whos talking baby. I almost feel as though she is subconsciously punishing me for hurting her and doesn't realise it.

[sisterlynch]

Why do illegal drugs? Or be around those who do...They are illegal because they aren't good for your brain...that is why you feel depressed and lack energy! Exercise and eat right...Use protein and vitamins! Don't talk to those who use drugs.

[overcorrect]

I am glad that someone as articulate and obviously intelligent as you has finally decided to grow out of the drug phase. Good for you! Maturity has a tendency to do that. Unfortunately, she is an addict and has not matured to the point of wanting to get off of it. When she's "sober" her mind tells her that she wants to be together and wants to be a family. When she is wired she couldn't care less. The rollercoaster is going to wear you smooth out. Perhaps, years down the line, when she matures more she will decide she needs you. Only then, through your sobriety, will you be the foundation to her recovery.