the girl i love is a friend of a girl who loves me: help!

[alexcorretja]

i'm in love with a girl who is in a school orchestra with me. i don't know her name yet, but i'm eagerly intent on finding out her name and start getting to each other better. the dilemma is that, another girl in the same orchestra, who happens to be the best friend of the girl that i am in love with, has a major crush on me. i can tell this by my instinct; her flirting and showing interests etc. i would really like to modestly cool off her interests towards me, and just become friends. more importantly, i hope that she won't get offended and hold grudge against me for asking her best friend out instead of herself. I NEED HELP! I NEED SOME ADVICE!

[Shy_Guy]

Well, you have an interesting problem here.

 

Firstly, no matter how nicely you attempt to do so, the girl who likes you won't be very appreciative of you using her for information about her friend. She may be a convienent source, but one that has the potential for too many hurt feelings to use. Also think about it this way, how will the girl YOU'RE interest in feel if you use her friend who's obviously nuts about you just to get to her. Depending on her character she may show you the hand just for dissing her friend. If you manage to hook up with the object of your desire, you'd be well served to treat her friend well (platonically). You don't want to come between them, and you don't want her harboring ill feelings towards you which in turn she could use as a basis of trash talking about you to your love interest. She could poison your relationship in no time flat.

 

Good luck. This is a tricky path to negotiate.

[alexcorretja]

First of all, I would really like to thank you for giving me the advice. I've talked to some of my friends (even girls) and their suggestions were different from one to another, which confused me.

 

What you've suggested is quite true. This morning, I finally broke the ice by going up to her while she was by the locker before the morning orchestra rehearsal and I found out she is a very nice but also a bit shy girl towards guys. The thing I noticed clearly was that another girl who loves me became so cold towards me after observing that I was talking to her friend.

 

Well, I basically asked her some questions, with "undivided attention", and being gentlemanly, such as opening doors for her etc. Right now, I need some advice on how to approach her again and somehow get her to go on a date with me. I definitely don't think it's a good idea to ask her out on ICQ or MSN Messenger. Can you please help me out? I really appreciate all your comments.

[Lightingbird]

 

 

Well I must say that you are a very smart young man.

 

Thinking out his actions before making moves is a very good thing.

 

Why don't you just ask the woman in question out for dinner to get to know her better. Take her somewhere nice to eat or some soft entertainment and cook her dinner.

 

Either way get her alone where you can control the environment. In a non-aggressive way of course.

 

Low music, dim lights, perhaps some candles and a good conversation. Remember talk about her, ask alot of questions, and listen!

 

You'll do fine.