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No Contact - The Guide


majord23

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What about friends in contact with the ex. Isn't that kind of indirect contact?

 

You can control your friends about as much as you control your ex. You can certainly make your wishes known, but at the end of the day people will make their own decisions.

 

I hope my PM made more sense than the above sentence

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Friends want to do what is best for me though.

 

 

Gotta love friends, huh?

In my experience, my friends always seem to be a few steps ahead of me when it comes to my break-ups - they want to do the right thing before I can see that it *is* the right thing to do.

 

I don't think I've ever accused a friend of being wrong after I've healed though - they seem to be predictive barometers, and I always kick myself for not having listened to them earlier.

 

That's not advice btw.....just reflection.

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  • 1 month later...

Thank you Major23, I have just printed a copy and put it in my wallet. and thanks to you all ena(ers) for giving me the strength I need, thanks masculine. a you are simply incredible you give me all I ask to receive right now all I could handle. xxx to all of you.

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For those who have exes that want to remain friends: Why do you think that is?

It’s because they want you in their life. Exes very rarely stay friends…so in effect, when an ex asks to stay friends they are essentially saying “I still want you in my life”.

They are not ready to let you go (yet), so by implementing NC you are forcing them to lose you right then and there. NC prevents the ex from using you to cushion the blow of the break-up….by weaning themselves off you slowly.

 

Each time I read this thread, these lines resonate in my mind. Thank you again MajorD. Although NC seems near impossible to me, I have been at it (almost perfectly) for nearly two months. Without being able to read your words of wisdom, I would have broken down many times and spoken to her. As of now, I haven't heard her voice nor has she heard mine in 50+ days. I don't know if I am healing, or if NC is having an effect on her, but I trust your advice...and your words are inspirational.

 

Thank you...and bump!

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  • 4 weeks later...

After tonight(last big drunk right accross campus) iw on't see my ex of 3 weeks for 4 months.

 

Going to attempt to avoid her tonight(both are going to be loaded) then NC.

 

Not really sure how NC well work with her knowing that i'm not around. Maybe it'll be easier on her, maybe not.

 

How should I reply to any attempts to get ahold of me before we leave? Or any attempts after we leave?

 

Finally I know NC is NC, but attempts on the part of the ex, would it hurt or help the process of getting them back to reply instade of outright ignoreing them?(even if the convo is kept short & sweet)

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  • 3 weeks later...
  • 2 months later...
  • 1 month later...
NC has made me do a lot of self-reflection. It made me realize that I shouldn't have to grovel for love. I deserved to be loved just as much as I love. I am the prize. And if she is going to get back with me, she is going to earn it. My heart is a gift, and it won't be given away that easily.

 

My sentiments exactly drum4god.

 

Since the ex dumped me I have tried contacting him twice and you said it, I begged, pleaded, grovelled for him to take me back and on both occasions I got the same treatment - he didnt want to talk to me to explain things to me, that he doesnt love me anymore and wants to start a new life without me and worse, was screaming at me all throughout.

 

I have now been on NC for over a month and it is just SO difficult especially when I am wondering how he's doing, if he's okay or what, but then if he's not even bothering to find out how I am, then why should I?

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This may sound silly, but the original post says to tell you're ex that you to should NC each other. What I did is I called her a week ago and wore my heart on my sleeve. I told het that I love her so much and that I would be willing to move closer to her (LDR). I also explained why it was so difficult for me to express my true feeling for her. Since then I have not attempted to contact her. I really could not read how the conversation went! I actually believe she is already seeing someone...which does not syrprise me as I have been reading a lot on LDR and thats what seems to happen.

 

Although, it was a LDR we did see each other quite often but perhaps not often enough!! Should I have told her that we shouldnt contact each other?? Not that she will be contacting me if she is already in another relationship!! God I miss her and lover her!!

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milesaway,

Announcing Nc or not announcing it is irrelevant - the important thing is that you have implemented it.

In my experience, if your ex is not likely to contact you anyway...then just leave it be and move on.

If you want NC and she is continually contacting you (with no mention of reconcilialtion) then you might have to take the step of announcing it.

 

Wait and see.

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Excellent advice & exactly what I have done.

 

NC - lost count how many weeks now

Gone out with friends & kept busy

Got down the gym & improved on looking after oneself

Tried to remember the bad things he did and I did not like about him instead of missing him

Put away any obvious reminders of him

Talk about him as little as possible unless it really is required for grieving process.

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