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No Contact - The Guide


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  • 1 year later...
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  • 3 months later...

Opinions on "No contact" needed!


So, quick rundown. 4 years with this woman. I wouldn't commit to marriage and she had unmet emotional needs because I was mostly indifferent and didn't show her I loved her. She found someone else, told me she needed time and space, and after a quick fling, is trying to decide if she wants to still be with me. We have a house together and a life together. She's no longer with the guy and I don't think the slept together. I'd like to reconcile. She's a good woman, mostly.


So, for the first month I acted clingy and sad, thinking it was my fault for not committing. I flew out to her at work to propose and it was foiled when she found out. So I exhibited all the clinginess and neediness possible. After finding out about the other guy I instituted no contact, and said I needed time.


We live together so she asked about my contributing to bills. I told her I would but that I was looking for apartments. That threw her into a fit and she said "don't sign anything until we make some concrete decisions". She said that I could live at the house and she could move out, which makes no sense cause the house is in her name. And she now says she doesn't want to "displace our cats". Which is just odd.


I think she's having second thoughts. We're supposed to come to a decision this weekend and I don't know how to play it. Continue no contact? Tell her we are going to work on things, period. I don't know what to do, but I know a decision is looming and I don't know how to maintain strength without showing her I'd reconcile if she would.


Any ideas?

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  • 4 months later...
  • 2 weeks later...

I worry about all this "get-your-ex-back" stuff. I really do. If people can genuinely reconcile after a few months or years without hurting others then good for them. I salute them. The problem is that others very often DO get hurt and get caught in the crossfire in rebound relationships that the innocent party enters into genuinely, unbeknown there is some ex lurking in the background, crying and scheming.


I'd hate to think that when i meet my ideal soul-mate lady (I believe in love and she is out there, i know she is), love her to the moon and back and enter into a commitment with her, some dork who cannot move on is out there stalking her, contacting her and scheming and potentially ruining my new relationship.

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  • 10 months later...
Absolutely OCD. There are always going to be cases where some people bump into the ex.


When responding to any contact, or if it is a chance meeting, the key is not to be rude. Don't ignore them, but at the same time do not enter into a long dialogue with them.


Your above suggestion is perfect - polite and friendly but also letting them know that you're not looking to 'catch up'.


Thanks for always being the smartest one of the group Majord23!

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