i'm very sad today

[deejay74]

today is really bad, i woke up thinking about my ex with this guy i am pretty sure she left me for. you can read my post further down if you're interested in what happened.

 

i went out last night with a female friend and we had a good time but i kept on thinking about my ex.

 

what's really frustrating is even after my ex treated me terribly when i saw her the other day, i still long for her. i can't believe how she acted b/c it's not what i know of her. my memories of her are completely different from the way she acted the other night and i am so confused because the last time we spoke, she wasn't like that and she told me she cared about me. now it seems like she could care less. why did she treat me this way?

 

i know she's going out on valentine's day because when i saw her the other night, her friend asked her if she is busy that day and my ex said she's got plans with her "coworkers". of course i am thinking she's got plans with the guy i think she left me for so now i am going drive myself crazy that night.

 

i want this pain to go away, i want her out of my mind, i want to stop reminiscing over the good things in our relationship. i want to stop thinking that i won't meet anyone else for a long time, i want to stop feeling so lonely and sorry for myself. i just can't seem to do this.

[whatif]

I sympothize with you buddy. I know it's hard as hell. But remember that switch all woman (and man?) have that they turn off as soon as a relationship is over. You wish for them to remember all the good things happened in your life, but they are too busy dreaming about their new life and wonderful future. Remember, she wanted to leave you and that means she is not interested in remembering anything happened in the past. Focus on yourself instead of sitting around wondering what she is doing on V. day. Unfortunately, it's none of your business anymore. Also, you should take some time off before you start going out with other girls. You are wasting your time and thier time. Good Luck

[ut_longhorn]

yo man...its a tough thing. she's moved on. i used to wonder if my ex thought about me? wondered how i was? missed me? felt bad? then i looked on the forum to look and saw NO dumpers on the site. they are not feeling bad. they are not suffering. yea, the thought of you might pop up in their heads for a bit...but they are not pining over anything. that thought made me angry. how can they be so heartless? the fact is...shes probably thought about it long and hard before she left. a few months of slowly weaning herself away from you. i've been the dumper before...its not fun to hurt somebody you care for...but i'll tell you it is easier to go on with your life. MUCH easier.

 

the fact is...its over and the acceptance is the hardest. hardest when you wake up and the thoughts of her are in your mind. everything is a sea of thoughts of what is lost. youre gonna be ok man. its just gonna take some time.

[friscodj]

Cheer up fellow DJ!

 

Look man, you're your own worst enemy right now. I know exactly how you feel and it is normal what you are thinking about her with other guys.

 

But you don't really know what is going on between them, her motivations, what their relationship is like, if she is telling him, "I'm sorry I don't have more to give, I just got out of a relationship and am trying to heal." She might be using this guy. Chances are, everything less-than-perfect she did in your relationship will be done in this new one as well. She might end up being the one the get burned, and get burned ten times worse than yourself. Believe in Karma man, what goes around comes around...for sure...

 

Girls hurt too, dumpers hurt just like dumpees. That's human nature. Just because things seem fine and dandy with this chick doesn't mean they are...I don't think women (or anyone for that matter) has a "switch"...they are just better at supressing and hiding these feelings I think...

 

With all that said, what you are going through is normal. Do you know what that means? Healing is normal too. So stay the normal path here and eventually you'll heal! Just keep trusting in that Karma and that it works both way, meaning, you'll get yours in a good way because you are going through this pain and suffering...

 

Stay NC, let time do its thing...

[friscodj]

then i looked on the forum to look and saw NO dumpers on the site.

 

They're on here. Keep looking...

[AwdreeHpburn]

I'm so sorry dude.

[octopus]

I totally understand you. I love my ex, but I DO NOT want him to be happy with someone else, i do not want him to BE with anyone, ever! This must be wrong; I mean, if you love someone, shouldn't you wish happiness for them? But these feelings seem uncontrollable for me now. Maybe further down in the healing process I'll wish better for him.

 

Also, don't forget: now you're going through the hard stages of healing right and you're hoping to stop thinking about your ex and move on? Well, your ex had moved on BEFORE she even dumped you. Imagine, all these things you're spending your time thinking, she doesn't care because she let go of you BEFORE it ever ended.

 

SHe's moved on, so should you, and so should I. We deserve better and as hard as it is, we need to take all these weird feelings, feel them, but not act on them, and hopefully wake up a little stronger tomorrow morning.

[deejay74]

thanks again everyone, it means a lot to me that so many strangers i've never met care about me. i care about all of you as well.

 

i don't know if this is helpful in the long run, but i've been imagining my ex with that guy holding hands, making out, having sex, going out to dinner just to get used to the idea. it's slowly making me accept that she might be doing that anyway but i hope this isn't a false sense of acceptance.

 

i think that i am actually jealous of my ex and her progress and the fact that she can easily get laid if she wants to. i am trying very hard to just be concerned about myself but that's difficult most of the time.

 

i am also trying not to beat myself up too much about how i handled myself the other night. i am trying not to be embarrassed - i let myself down and now any respect my ex had for me is probably gone. do you think that's the case? please be honest.

 

thanks.

[octopus]

There you go - i do the same: visualize my ex, with his ex that he's still in love with, married, with kids and all happy. I mean, it can't get any worse than that, can it?

 

But you want a secret: There was a man I thought I loved 5 years ago. I changed continents for him, he said I was the one and then he got married to someone else and moved really close to me. I thought I'd never be able to meet his wife or see him again, but now I go and stay at their house, go out with his wife and actually THANK GOD I didn't end up with him; because where he's come in 5 years and where I've come are soooo different...

[romanticlover]

Hm...How do u think I feel seeing my recent ex's EX bf who is a low life liar sending her messages, emails, myspace comments about how beautiful she is, bla bla bla. And to think she could be with this guy and she dumped me. I just don't understand it. What's funny is this beautiful client of mine left me a message saying hello. I wrote her back saying I have been down since the breakup. Well she knows of my ex from the stories. and she wrote me this comment on how sweet i am, gorgeous, etc and this will only make me stronger. KInda cheered me up. I get very ill thinking of my ex being with someone else in many ways. Sex, etc etc......I just know that I was the only guy to make her orgasm during oral, and I was the biggest. So I guess that should make me feel somewhat better lol. Trust me, she was first for me in many other ways also. but It hurts thinking of that. I am at a very hard stage right now as we just broke up. So all these things are in my head man so I am with u.

[friscodj]

i don't know if this is helpful in the long run, but i've been imagining my ex with that guy holding hands, making out, having sex, going out to dinner just to get used to the idea. it's slowly making me accept that she might be doing that anyway but i hope this isn't a false sense of acceptance.

 

You're doing good...facing worst-case scenarios like this head-on in your mind and getting used to the idea will help you heal faster I think...

[deejay74]

today i woke up with the realization that i am never going to have my ex in my life again. i think this is the first time that i've truly felt this and it's a very sad feeling.

 

one of my fondest memories of her was when i had shoulder surgery back in september. she came to the hospital to help me get home. she was the first thing i saw when i woke up in the recovery room and she had a bouqet of flowers for me. she helped me get home and took care of me for a couple of days, even though she had school.

 

this is why it's hard for me to think of my ex in a bad light even though she didn't treat me so well the other night. my ex IS capable of doing nice things that isn't so selfish. but lately, she has been extremely selfish and self-absorbed.

 

anyway, i guess i am just trying to cope with my feelings of loss and a life without her. it's going to be tough getting used to this.

[Nathalie1970]

Think of how she is now, not what she was like when you were together. Feel the loss and you will heal (yes, advice is easier to give than to receive, goodness knows I never listen to me...lol)

 

We are all here for you

[friscodj]

one of my fondest memories of her was when i had shoulder surgery back in september. she came to the hospital to help me get home. she was the first thing i saw when i woke up in the recovery room and she had a bouqet of flowers for me. she helped me get home and took care of me for a couple of days, even though she had school.

 

Memories like these are your worst enemies right now...along with your mind and the tricks it plays on you, creating speculation regarding her happiness without you, for example.

 

My advice is to face these memories completely and fully, don't try to avoid them. Cry, yell, assume the fetal position, whatever and whenever. In essense you are trying to "burn" these feelings out of your system, or like having surgery to remove a tumor. These memories are "tumors" for you right now and you need to suffer through the personal "surgery" of getting rid of them. Time is the surgeon's knife here and in time, the source of the pain and suffering will be gone...and your life will be better in ways you could never have imagined...

[healinginnyc81]

hey iwantherback, I hope you're feeling better. I know how tough it's gotta be to deal with those good memories that will keep coming up. Try to see them as just that - memories. It's how your ex was in the past, not now.

 

friscodj's analogy of them as tumors requiring surgery is really good. It's going to hurt but it's part of this process that will make us stronger.

[deejay74]

i've deleted all the emails i've ever sent or received from my ex, i deleted her from my friendster and myspace lists, i've removed (but not deleted) all of the pics of her (by herself and with me) from iphoto on my computer, and i've thrown away some items that reminds me of her.

 

but why do i feel guilty about it? this, too, makes me sad.

[healinginnyc81]

Are you worried that if she ever came back or if she just wanted to be friends it would make her mad to find out that you got rid of all that?

[deejay74]

Are you worried that if she ever came back or if she just wanted to be friends it would make her mad to find out that you got rid of all that?

 

no. i guess i feel guilty because i feel like i got rid of a part of myself and now i have no way of looking at our relationship through a timeline of emails. this is probably a good thing, i think.

 

for some reason too, deleting her from my friendster and myspace lists makes me wonder if she thinks i'm childish for doing so. she's got her other ex's on her list and vice versa. i guess i am worrying again about how she perceives me. i think i am also making a big deal out of nothing. i am sure if we become friends again, i can add her then. but leaving her on there now wouldn't have been a big deal either. i dunno.

 

i think i decided to delete her from those lists so i can no longer see when she's online and what updates have been made to her profile and she won't be able to see my updates or any bulletin posts i make in the future.