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Dating a Single Dad Part II Any Advice?


metro_girl
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I was certain that I didn't want to date a single dad. I posted on here before about asking him questions regarding his divorce and his ex without sounding like I was grilling him. We were matched on eharmony and he didn't tell me until our phone call that he was a divorced single dad. I debated whether to meet him.

 

I met him Thursday for about an hour. He was honest with me about the details of his divorce and his ex. They met in med school. Both are eye surgeons. He thought that was all they had in common. They divorced four years ago before moving back to the city where I live, where they both are from originally.

 

It made a big difference to me that the house he lives in is one he built himself and didn't live in it with her. And also that he wants to remarry and have more kids. In just the hour's time, I was able to find out at least more info to help me decide to go out with him on a date. I'm glad that I gave him a chance. I'm still not sure how it's going to work out dating him, since he has his six-year-old son every other weekend and on Wednesdays.

 

I'm also still dating another guy who is getting more attached to me. This time, I'm dating casually until the infatuation stage he's clearly in wears off, and until I find the one who's right for me.

 

Any advice on dating single parents? Any advice on dating more than one person at a time?

 

I've let the guy I've gone out with on three dates know that he could talk with me about anything or ask me anything, that I'm an open book, but he's not once asked if I'm dating anyone else. He just thinks I'm this wonderful woman. I turned him down for a date tonight because I want to slow down the pace of the relationship while I get to know this other man.

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I always think it is a mistake to date more than one person on a regular basis without telling them all that you are doing that. If they find out they usually feel at least misled and if you want to continue an exclusive relationship it can cause trust issues later on.

 

As to his son: remember that he has a prime duty to his son. It can work very well, I know plenty of women who have step-children with little or no problem - my sister for one and my daughter for another. But he will have another priority in his life and you will need to realise that and accept that there will be times when his son's need for him will have to come before yours.

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The single dad knows that I'm dating casually. He and I discussed that at our first meeting. We met on a dating site that's designed for people to meet more than one person at a time and our profiles are still open. That's why I didn't think I needed to provide a detailed explanation to any man I'm dating that I'm also dating others.

 

I'm thinking that they are doing the same thing. Except, the man that I've gone out with three times is 32-years-old and I don't think he has much experience with dating. I tried talking with him to find out if he's even been in a "serious" relationship. I just don't think that after three dates I owe someone an explanation as to my plans or who else I'm spending my time with.

 

I also thought it was the man's place to bring up "exclusivity" talks, and not the woman. Wouldn't it be arrogant of me to bring that up? I guess I'll just keep accepting and going out on dates with him until he asks me if I'm dating others. Any better options?

 

As for the single dad and his priorites, I wouldn't respect him if he didn't feel his child came first in his life. However, if he used his child as an excuse to avoid making me a priority if we developed a relationship, then I wouldn't be interested in him. He's not doing that, from what I can tell. I've dated guys who make their motorcycle a priority over a relationship. Even if I have my own children, I think the intimate relationship and bond between the two parents needs to be made a priority.

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Metro Girl,

 

As far as dating more than one guy at a time, I think it is up to you to tell him rather than make him ask 20 questions to discover it. Your open book policy may make you feel better about it but it really is your responsibility to tell him. If you tell him, he may stop seeing you or it may encourage him to press harder. To me, it does not sound like this is someone you want to have a LTR with so why string him along? Cut him loose and move on.

 

Dating a single parent, whether it is a man or a woman takes on the same issues. You will have to be involved with his ex due to their mutual position with the child. The child may at times voice his displeasure with you because he probably wants his mom and dad back together, which is normal. If you get involved with this man, consider your intentions with the child's interest at heart. Kids need stability, he has seen one failed relationship for his dad, he does not need to see another one. If you're in, you're in and if you're not your out! I raised my 2 stepdaughters from the ages of 2 and 4, although their mother and I divorced, today at 19 and 21 they still call me dad and look at me exclusively as their father. Their real father never played a role in their life's other than teaching them disappointment. Their mothers new BF who was the catalyst for our divorce does not interact with them and they do not consider him as a father figure. The question is, are you ready to be an influential part of this kids life? Are you ready to be a parent? If you are not, there is no reason to go out with this guy. Understand there will be constant communication between this guy and his ex for many years, can you handle that? It's a package deal, the child comes with the dad and you need to understand what that means.

 

RC

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also thought it was the man's place to bring up "exclusivity" talks, and not the woman. Wouldn't it be arrogant of me to bring that up? I guess I'll just keep accepting and going out on dates with him until he asks me if I'm dating others. Any better options?

 

An out of date concept, in my opinion. There is no reason you cannot bring it up. Annie24 did it with her b/f recently and it worked out well.

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I like the 32-year-old, and I am considering a LTR with him. We've only gone out on three dates. Everything is going great between us so far. As for being a parent, I think that I will need to spend time with the single dad to see if he and I are compatible as a couple before I worry about being a step-parent. I was a K-12 special education teacher and spent 8 hours a day, 40 hours a week, sometimes more, with other people's children, so I don't think I'll have a problem with the six-year-old. If his mother isn't a psycho, which it sounds like she's not, then I won't have a problem communicating with her. That's way down the road since I haven't even gone out on one date with the single dad - we just met Thursday.

 

Interesting advice from the men - to tell the guys I'm dating that I'm dating other guys. In all my years of dating, I've never had a man tell me that he's dating others. I think I was supposed to figure it out myself. On the other hand, the men would like to know. That's interesting.

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I always think it is a mistake to date more than one person on a regular basis without telling them all that you are doing that. If they find out they usually feel at least misled and if you want to continue an exclusive relationship it can cause trust issues later on.

 

Please note that I said 'person' not 'man'. I would say the same thing to a man.

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I agree ... men or women should make it clear after "a few dates" that they are seeing others as well. Not after one date ... but don't let it go on for months, either, without telling the person (man or woman).

 

On the single dad, I'd reiterate the comments above, being a single dad myself. The child comes first. A key issue is dealing with his relationship with his ex ... he may very well want to maintain good relations with her for the benefit of the child, and this can at times result in stress, strain, jealousy, misunderstanding and so forth on the part of the new relationship partner. It's something to consider up-front, if it's something you're interested in dealing with, because as said above ... it's a package deal, and his ex is like an in-law whom you will have to deal with being in his life regularly.

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