Crushes - strong but ambiguous...

[Expression]

Thought I'd share my experience on the emotional ambiguities of a crush and how they've shaped how I think about my feelings...

 

I remember my first intense crush in high school. I was much more timid back then and by no means popular. She was a very outgoing person and came to the foreground after a string of temporary infatuations I had for others. Despite us knowing each other, I never had the courage to do anything, especially comparing her bubbly social stance with my mousy image. I just did silly things like hang around her, sit near her, etc.

At the end of the year - after an agonizing phone call where I dragged it out forever - I asked her to the prom. I had hoped it to be the perfect to chance to end high school with more confidence and happiness. But I had waited too long by then and she was already taken.

 

I remember that being the first time I'd ever felt so emotionally distraught as if I'd been heartbroken. And I was never even with her in the first place...! Funnily enough, despite the awkwardness of all that, she has remained one of the few friends from high school who still keep in touch. She also has a steady boyfriend for many years now. My feelings for her have completely disappeared and I wonder how I'd felt so strongly for her before. Crushes sure do a damn good job of masquerading as love, huh?

 

The trivial differences between my once close-knit friends and I are magnified now that we've left high school and dispersed along different paths. This has been none more apparent than with my former crush. Back then I envisioned such a great time together, but now it just seems absurd to me, since we're incompatible in so many ways.

 

Could the one I like now be doing the same thing to me? Sure hope not, but then I guess I'd be ignoring my own knowledge of the intensity of a crush in that sense. I am infatuated with this one more than I have been with everyone combined, and it's been hanging there for close to a year now. Just a particularly strong crush? I just can't fight these feelings no matter the advice or logic given. It can be suppressed to some extent, but never extinguished at will. They come and go when they want.

 

But the optimism I have now, comes from being a bit older and possessing a little more wisdom. Thus I regard the similarities I have with her as a godsend in my current friend-drought, and the resonance I feel when talking to her, as being one in a million. Well one in a million for a guy, probably one in two million for a girl.

 

Unlike my former crush which stewed in a state of elation, I can see this one growing. It also occurred to me that I never had a long, enjoyable, one-on-one conversation with my high school crush - it was always just silly banter. Whereas with this one, we chatted for hours, weaving from the serious to humorous, on just the first (but only, thus far) get-together.

 

At the same time however, I'm constantly brought down from my visions of grandeur to realise that there are 2 sides to the coin. A reflex action to ensure I don't let me get my hopes too high, I guess. So I regularly ride this wave where I'm excited by all the positive outcomes that may come of this on one day, and downtrodden by the just-as-likely negative outcomes on another day.

 

She's now on doing her postgraduate studies. Had I not failed last semester, I'd be in the same place; and the more intimate and smaller study groups of this nature would've simply been perfect for me to spend time with her. Alas, her studies only go until mid-year and mine don't begin until mid-year, so I'm mighty dispirited by this at the moment.

 

Feel free to comment and share your experiences with crushes (and love), in the past and today...

[Serendipity1607307077]

Crushes are indeed peculiar..

 

My first crush was when I was in Primary School... his name was Aaron Robertson, he had dark wavy hair and intense dark brown eyes... perfect white teeth and freckles!!

 

Now that I look back on it, he wasn't that great! Lol.. but at the time, my life was just consumed by thoughts of this self centred little boy...

 

My most memorable crush was a few years ago when this guy at my Mum's work took my fancy. I was 15 or 16 at the time and I used to go to her work every day after school in the hopes that I would get a glimpse of this hottie... he had beautiful blue eyes, and gorgeous long hair....

 

This crush disappeared for a couple of years and eventually I forgot about him... until I realised that he worked in the same building as I did!! I used to drink heaps of water, tea, coffee, anything! because the toilet was near his office, so I would try and do all I could to make sure I saw him at least once a day...

 

This crush is the man that I am marrying next year

[teacup]

haha, serendipity, that is a beautiful story. congratulations. that is the cutest thing i have heard in a long time.

[Kevin T]

I hate crushes... Curse that part of me that actually warms up to women! Damn it...

 

I can tell a recent story. Started a new job a few weeks ago. On the first day, there was this really gorgeous, beautiful girl whom I could not take my eyes off of. She was EXACTLY the type of girl I'd go for. Down to the hair colour, eye colour, everything; you name it, she was it.

 

Well, after a week or so of working together, I decided to start talking to her. We began having great conversations, we'd laugh, joke around and have a good time. I really enjoyed talking to her and I thought she really liked talking to me too. We had some things in common, even though we seemed like complete opposites (beauty and the beast, perhaps?) Well, after about a week of conversing and getting to know each other a bit during work, I began to develop a little crush on this girl.

 

I mean, she was hot, pretty, fun to talk to, a genuinely great person... despite some of our differences. Well, I got it into my head to eventually ask her out. Not wait too long, but take it slow for a little longer, so I don't scare her off. (Hey, I know the LAST thing women want is for a guy to come on TOO STRONG), so I played my cards cool. I was picking up an interest on her part, too. She would always make eye contact with me when we'd speak, she would always look me in the eyes, touch my arm or whatever when we were talking, she would sit almost right on top of me at work and other things.

 

Well, just a couple days ago... this other guy moves right in on her!! Now they're all buddy-buddy, super tight and I'm left out of the loop! They eat together now, sit together, you name it. I'm sure it will only be a matter of time before they are dating. It really hurts.

 

Now I hope she gets fired. lol

 

Yeah, I'm mean. I'm p***ed off.

 

So, when it comes to crushes, just SAY NO.

 

The only place anyone should EVER look for a mate is through a dating service or online sites. That's it... otherwise you're just setting yourself up for a fall. *^&^#$#@$^%

[atraceofblood]

 

My most memorable crush was a few years ago when this guy at my Mum's work took my fancy. I was 15 or 16 at the time and I used to go to her work every day after school in the hopes that I would get a glimpse of this hottie... he had beautiful blue eyes, and gorgeous long hair....

 

This crush disappeared for a couple of years and eventually I forgot about him... until I realised that he worked in the same building as I did!! I used to drink heaps of water, tea, coffee, anything! because the toilet was near his office, so I would try and do all I could to make sure I saw him at least once a day...

 

This crush is the man that I am marrying next year

I love stories like that. I hope you two stay together forever!

 

I remember my crushes, they have been way too intense and overboard, more like infatuations and obsessions. There was this one girl I was working with at school, but I never really talked to her throughout the school year. For some reason I couldn't help look at her, because she was so beautiful, and soon I developed a mad crush on her. I was too afraid to do anything about it so I basically waited a few months until I found her screenname and talked to her online only to find out that she had taken already, and I was crushed! At least she was nice enought to talk to me though.

 

After that I've tried to not crush over women for too long, although sometimes I just can't help it because the I think some of the girls are just too beautiful and send off hints or something.

 

Regardless of all my rejections, and the fact that I've never had a relationship before, I am still optimistic. I can just see that day when love will strike, I just don't know what girl it will be or when. I just hope one of these crushes will work out, and then I will let this crush explode into an endless love.