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Friend is waisting her time, not going to school or work. opinions needed.

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ok another update on my friend. Omg, i will simply post an email i sent her and her responce. in it you will see what i mean.




Yeah i know you are probably not going to like this email, but i am here at work and i was thinking about you. We are into Febuary and you still have not gotten a job. Also you have not registered for school or anything like that. you are being very lazy about the things that you have to do and being your friend it concerns me that you are getting into a bad habbit.


Honestly all i have heard since you moved to Perris is one excuse after another as to why you are not going about finding a job. Jessie you have to get on the ball and get things done. stop letting excuses run your life. you have to tear down those things and move on.


Its nice and all that you have a boyfriend and i am very happy for you. you think i liked leaving you there with ralph? (ralph was a friend of mine and she moved in with us cause we had an open room and she wanted to move back to so-cal, but me my friendship with ralph went sour and i had to move out before i did something i was going to regret.) hell no, i hated that, and its is one of the biggest reasons i stuck around for as long as i did.


Jessie i can drag this for a long time, but ill cut it short.


Make a plan, know what you have to do and get it done. exuses are just that, EXCUSES! To get back into school you have deadlines to meet and i do not want you to miss those things. and then i also do not want to ever say, "damn i wish i could have reminded you to get your applications done for school."


so there, i reminded you and you better get your stuff done.



I hear what you told me in your e-mail ALL the time. It is not new news to me as of my job, my school and all that stuff. It is constantly on my mind and honestly I will do it when I want to. I am moving most likely in 2 weeks tho I really don't want to. I want to some days and then some days I don't. I just want to be with Mike and not living with him is hard. As for school I hate school I don't want to go back and no one seems to really understand me not wanting to except for Mike. Im a huge procrastinator and nothing anyone says seems to be able to change that in me. I hate working I despise it so of course I am going to avoid it at all costs. This is another reason for moving since I have around $10 to my name before I put this stuff on ebay lol. Anyways I am rambling, thank you for caring but honestly I am so happy with my life right now I am not too motivated to do much in the direction everyone seems to think I should be going. I just figure when I figure something out that makes me happy I will do it instead of forcing myself or having other people tell me what I should do with my life. That is why I went to college because I was told that is what i was supposed to do and now I am just happy being myself and living which has never ever ever happened in my whole life. That fact that I am truly happy 6-7 days a week is a goal I am glad to have reached. I have heard the "I am fkn up my life" lecture from about EVERYONE I know except for Mike so please don't think I don't know it or don't care. I care about my life but if I fk up my life I will not blame anyone but myself because people tried to help.

Have a nice day at work hope all is going well. Make sure your parents know I am getting a package there for "Astra Andersen" since it's not gonna say Jessie on it. Also thankx for letting me use your address. I am not puting off your concern only telling you nothing you can really say is going to change my view only I can motivate myself.

~Best Wishes,

- Jessie



I wasted a lot of time with a person i was dating and i am 26 and finally trying to get back to school. i feel that she is going into the same path i have walked. I am simply trying to get opinions and once i have enough feedback from enough people. i am going to sit her down and talk to her one last time about what she is doing wrong and leave it at that. i will not sit idle and watch her waste her time just cause she is in love.

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Maro B - I mean this is the most respectful way...leave her alone.


I think its great that you care soooo much about her that you want her to succeed. You obviously see her potential, which is great!


But unfortunately for you, Jessie is right. There is nothing you can say that will change where she is right now. She said so herself which means she is not open to hearing it.


If she is hearing the same thing from every where else, the last thing she needs is another knock to her self esteem about it from someone she calles friend.


I suggest NOT nagging her. Be her friend, not her mother. Accept her for who and where she is in her life. She'll probably go a lot further if she feels someone believes in her for what she is now, not what they think she can or should be.


Good luck to both of you. It would be sad if your friendship went south because of nagging.

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It is a difficult phase of a friendship when you want what is best for someone but have to just give them space to do their thing. Just let her know that you are her friend and care, but you can't tell her what to do. She will find her path in her own time and hopefully all will work out for her. Jessie may need some soul searching to find the type of work and interests that get her enthusiastic. It is good at the least that she wants to be true to herself and not trying to please others. I hope that Mike deserves her.

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She is at a moment in her life when she is develloping her 'own' will, this is important wether it will lead her to a bad place or a good place is to be seen, however all of these are important life lessons to her, the only thing you can do is be like Mike and not be judgemental of her life, even tho its not what you want, just write her an e-mail, saying that you support her decision and that if things ever go wrong you'll be the friend for her on which she can lean her shoulder on. That's the correct and most respectfull thing to do on the moment, (on a whole other account) if you are in a disagreement then you might want to consider wether the argument is worth of the relationship.) Sometimes its better to keep quiet to preserve the relationship, and sometimes its better say something like ' if you don't agree with me, then we agree to disagree' or break off the relationship entirely.


But for now , just let her go her own way, if things go wrong she'll be crawling back to you eventually.Then you can give her all the advice and help you have left to spare.

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I feel I am ready to make my choice. I once again, will just have to decide to preserve the friendship and bite my lip. I learned a long time ago that you cannot make people change their minds about anything. You can only tell them what you think about the situation and hope that they take heed in your words.


btw, mike drinks too much, does MJ at least once a week and calls off work all the time. But i have met Mike, he is a nice guy and if you take away his bad habits, i guess i can understand how she can like him so much. Jessie has her 4 year degree in liberal arts, is 22 and does not have to pay for school because her parents will pick up the tab to get her masters. I find it very interesting how some people just take a lot for granted and just want to feel the love thing.


One more thing if i may add... I dated a drug user for about 4 years and it was all butterflies and kittens in the beginning but then the bad habits really took over. Theft, lying and cheating ended my relationship (but my ex did meth, and MJ was nothing to her.) so its clear that i simply do not want jess, to make the same mistakes i did and have faith on a drug user. its simply not that easy for me to see that she headed down the same path i have already been through.


I will of course let her do her thing. Its clear that the odds are stacked against her though. But she is in love and she is happy right now. I am too pessimistic about the whole situation, simply because I am thinking about her relationship down the road, and its not looking good.

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  • 2 months later...

dear marob,

i learnt along time ago u cant help those that dont help themselves. your post has me wondering if ive overstepped the mark myself. have a look feel free to let me know from your perspective (itd really be appreciated).


my partner is 11 yrs younger than me, at 22 i wish he had more going on. but i have finally realised he will get there when he is ready. I do! and i haaaaaate being pushed. lol for that matter i dont like being used...but you'll have to read my post to see what i mean!!

(cheeky grin)

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