My girlfriend, and parties...

[Protex]

Looking for a bit of advice here guys.

 

I've been with my GF for almost a year (will be on the 19th). She's always been the wild, party type, until we started dating, she calmed down a lot because well, my current home situation (involving my grandmother and her over-strictness that does not let me go to parties or clubs, or anything at night basically), it's causing trouble. She told me today that I had a choice of going with her to two different parties, I, obviously cannot go to either.

 

So she says she'll just go by herself.

 

I feel sick to my stomach when I think about her at one of these parties, with drinking and the usual teen stuff. It's a combination of jealousy (who'll she spend her time with if I'm not there), fear and, well a bunch of stuff.

 

I want to say just go!, and I do. But then I feel horribly upset. I don't even want to do anything right now except curl up in my room and just lie there.

 

I don't know, why can't I just approve of her going to a party?

 

I hate this, I hate how when I think of her going to a party, I don't even want to be near her. It's such a huge turnoff for me, I don't know why, maybe it's just the drinking or what not, I don't know.

 

If I could, I'd go with her, I wouldn't enjoy it but at least that would settle my worries, I don't know what to do, or what to think. The party is tomorrow.

[Relationship Coach]

Do you have trust issues with her or are you just insecure in general? When you turn 18 are you going to go out clubbing? If not, your relationship is on two different paths that will put you further apart. To me it sounds like the real issue is your GF's desire to be in that environment. Sooner or later this will have to be discussed, right now you have an excuse, your grandmother. What will you say next year?

 

RC

[Protex]

Do you have trust issues with her or are you just insecure in general? When you turn 18 are you going to go out clubbing? If not, your relationship is on two different paths that will put you further apart. To me it sounds like the real issue is your GF's desire to be in that environment. Sooner or later this will have to be discussed, right now you have an excuse, your grandmother. What will you say next year?

 

RC

 

Clubbing was a big thing for her, and I told her when I'm 18, I'll gladly go! And I will, I won't mind at all.

 

I think it's insecure in general, that and she was really flirty for the first month or so of our relationship.

[Relationship Coach]

You are going to have to trust her then. Has she ever given you a reason not to trust her? If you really love her, give her some freedom. Let her know you trust her and curb your insecurities. You don't want to push her away and give her an excuse to be with someone else! I know it's tough to sit there and wonder what she is doing, who is she dancing with and who is hitting on her but those things are out of your control. This will make you stronger and just maybe she will do it less if you act like it is no big deal.

 

RC

[Protex]

You are going to have to trust her then. Has she ever given you a reason not to trust her? If you really love her, give her some freedom. Let her know you trust her and curb your insecurities. You don't want to push her away and give her an excuse to be with someone else! I know it's tough to sit there and wonder what she is doing, who is she dancing with and who is hitting on her but those things are out of your control. This will make you stronger and just maybe she will do it less if you act like it is no big deal.

 

Aye, I suppose. It's just really tough. I've been trying for a year to curb my insecurities but to no avail.

[Relationship Coach]

Look, hang in there. Unless there is something that you are really suspicious of let it go, 18 will be here soon enough.

 

RC

[Hope75]

Your grandmother won't let you go out at night at all?

 

What about weekends?

 

Can you maybe negotiate with her a little on this?

[Protex]

Look, hang in there. Unless there is something that you are really suspicious of let it go, 18 will be here soon enough.

 

RC

 

I just sent her an email (seeing as we are kind of not talking right now) telling her to go and enjoy herself, I also said that I'd prefer to keep tomorrow as a day to myself (she was originally supposed to spend the day with me, but now she'd have to leave early to get ready for the party). Knowing her, she'll probably not go and blame me or something, but I hope this proves to be enough.

 

Thank you for all your help.

[Protex]

Your grandmother won't let you go out at night at all?

What about weekends?

Can you maybe negotiate with her a little on this?

 

Haha, do a quick forum search of my posts.

 

Not at all.

[Relationship Coach]

good move, now don't beat yourself up over this. What is the worse thing that can happen? Right and then what? YOU WILL SURVIVE NO MATTER WHAT!

 

RC

[Hope75]

That's a shame Protex, but I guess if you are living under her roof than it's her rules, right?

 

Has she indicated whether or not that will change when you are 18?

 

Why aren't you and your girl speaking right now?

[Protex]

That's a shame Protex, but I guess if you are living under her roof than it's her rules, right?

 

Has she indicated whether or not that will change when you are 18?

 

Why aren't you and your girl speaking right now?

 

It will have to change when I'm 18.

 

For the record, the issue with my GF is cleared up, somewhat. She's not going and said she just wants to see me try to make an effort, at least suggest things we can try instead of going mute, like I did.

 

Thanks for you help.

[Relationship Coach]

Very good, she is putting forth an effort that speaks volumes as to how she really feels about you!

 

RC

[Hope75]

Glad she compromised the party to spend time with you.

 

Here's hoping that 18 comes fast for you both.

[Protex]

Thanks to both of you for your support!

 

She came over today and we 'talked' to the Grandma; it seems like the party/freedom situation will be getting a bit better.

 

Thanks again!

[jophil28]

If I were you I would DUMP her in a heartbeat. She is using you and you are letting her.She has tested you and found your limits. (They all )

Find a girl who is not so immature and self-centered. She is leading you by the nose and you are too "NICE" to see it. She know exactly who is in control of this 'relationsh' and it ain't you budd. Tip her out before she tips you. Go out with other girls and get some target practise coz you need it NOW!

[RayKay]

If I were you I would DUMP her in a heartbeat. She is using you and you are letting her.She has tested you and found your limits. (They all )

Find a girl who is not so immature and self-centered. She is leading you by the nose and you are too "NICE" to see it. She know exactly who is in control of this 'relationsh' and it ain't you budd. Tip her out before she tips you. Go out with other girls and get some target practise coz you need it NOW!

 

 

His gf wanted him to go, he couldn't. She then decided NOT to go either, and she and he talked to his grandmother together hoping to allow some more freedom.

 

I see no "using" or "testing her limits" in that situation. Yes her initial reaction was not great, but they resolved it together and figured out the real issue. They figured out a compromise. She has not done anything to break his trust, these seem to be issues of insecurity within him, and if he was to dump anyone everytime he felt insecure, he is going to have a long single life ahead of him. It is better to address these issues together, compromise, learn from one another and carry on in cases like this. She did not do anything to hurt him, and from reading other posts on their relationship, it is pretty apparent they both care about one another very much.

[Hope75]

If I were you I would DUMP her in a heartbeat. She is using you and you are letting her.She has tested you and found your limits. (They all )

Find a girl who is not so immature and self-centered. She is leading you by the nose and you are too "NICE" to see it. She know exactly who is in control of this 'relationsh' and it ain't you budd. Tip her out before she tips you. Go out with other girls and get some target practise coz you need it NOW!

 

Have you actually read his thread?

 

I don't know where you are pulling this info from but not from here.

 

As RayKay said she did not go to the party and instead spent time with him talking to his grandmother. Seems pretty devoted to me.

[Protex]

If I were you I would DUMP her in a heartbeat. She is using you and you are letting her.She has tested you and found your limits. (They all )

Find a girl who is not so immature and self-centered. She is leading you by the nose and you are too "NICE" to see it. She know exactly who is in control of this 'relationsh' and it ain't you budd. Tip her out before she tips you. Go out with other girls and get some target practise coz you need it NOW!

 

As the others said, I think you may have misread my problem.

 

Thank you for your advice regardless, but I disagree.

[Ghostrider4042005]

well when i was with my last gf i was always the partying type (still am) but i never did any of that when i was with her and if i would have i wouldn't have done anything with anybody because being unfaithful is the worst thing you can do

[babypink61]

You need to ask yourself, do I trust my gf when she goes out to the clubs by herself? If you have doubts about this . . . then I suggest you reconsider this relationship. It seems like she didn't really care for your feelings at all and got upset at you when you tell her that you can't go. Maybe you guys need sit down and think of other activities that you guys can do together on weekends instead of going out partying. Like movies, shoot pool, arcade, or anything! If she really cares about you then she needs to learn how to compromise.