Some encouraging things that help me.

[drum4god]

Listen, many people here like me are hoping things will turn around with our ex's. Let's face it. It may not. We have to move on. Here are some things that help me, that may help you. In fact I am going to write them down to remind myself.

 

1. Don't sell yourself out for anyone. Nobody is worth losing your dignity or self respect. NOBODY!

2. Get rid of thinking that your ex is the only person you will ever love. Its a lie. There isn't a person alive who hasn't been burned by love. However, many have rebounded and found the loves of their lives. It will happen to you if you believe

3. Embrace your spiritual side. I know for me, praying and going to church helps me more than you can imagine.

4. You had a life before you ex, you will have one after your ex.

5. Trust your gut. You head and heart could deceive you, but your gut

never lies.

6. Work on your hobbies and talents. If you don't use them you will lose them. They will also be a tremendous boost to your confidence.

7. Love yourself. Its been said a billion times, but its true. If you can't love yourself, you can't truly love someone else.

8. Never let anyone determine your worth. You are special, and if you don't believe hang around people who love you to re-enforce it.

9. Get out and have fun. There is good chance you ex is not thinking about you, so why think about them. Go out, and have fun. Don't stay home and mope.

10. Help others around you. Volunteer, help a friend in need, listen to a family memeber. Do anything to get your mind off of yourself. You will be surprised how rewarded you will feel.

11. I don't believe time heals wounds. Its what you do in that time. If you don't do anything to work on yourself you will find yourself making little progress.

12. Be yourself always. Don't try to win anyone's approval. People see that and will lose respect for you.

13. Confidence attracts people like magnets. If you don't feel confident, try and fake it.

 

 

Lastly, and probably the most important.

 

REMEMBER, YOU ARE THE PRIZE, NOT THEM.

 

Its a mindset. If you run into your ex, or if you meet someone new don't say; Wow! I am so lucky to be around them. No, believe they are lucky to be around you. Also if you believe in your head, that you are the best catch in the world and they missed out. You will convey it in your body language, and it will transmit something to your ex. It won't guarantee your ex back, or get the new person to like you, but it will protect yourself and send them a message that you don't need them. Its not easy to pull off, but if you can, its powerful.

 

With all that said, its still a battle, getting over my girlfriend. However, I am more equipped than even to get over her. Whether I speak to her again or not I will still be me. If I do run into her she won't be on the pedastal I put her on. Yeah, I may get the butterflies, but I won't let her see it. I will say to myself she lost out, not me. I guess the true test will be when I see her, but I confident I will be strong. You will be too.

 

God Bless!

[Lady Bugg]

Thank you for this post Drum...you really made some valid points.

Definetely worth reading

[red10]

awesome...thank you for that

[octopus]

I wrote something like this i read to myself every day. I will add yours under that and read it every day too. Great post.

[Relationship Coach]

Great post and I'm sure others will benefit from it as well. It's amazing that how pain can make us all smarter! Thanks for sharing and I wish you continued progress.

 

RC

[drum4god]

Thanks everyone,

 

I guess there comes a time when you say; enough is enough. I am 36 year single male, and have been told by many that I am very attractive, kind, funny, outgoing, talented, good hearted. Yet I still can't seem to figure out why I am still single. Why do I always get my heart broken with someone I really like? Why doesn't it seem the women I love don't love me, and vice versa? I finally found out why.

 

I never conveyed to the people that I was a prize. It was always the other way around. I always seem to put the women I loved on a pedestal.

 

I also was always looking for the women's approval, and because of that I was never myself. Being nice was just a manipulative way to get a women to love me. Its not that I wasn't sincere, but I figured if I was nice I would get the women to love me. If they did something wrong I never confronted them, because I didn't want to rock the boat. I was always afraid to lose them, like they were my lifeline or something. Well, that is about to change now.

 

I won't ever love someone that doesn't love me.

 

I won't be afraid to confront someone if they do something wrong, or disrespect me. If the leave me because of it, so be it. They weren't worth my time anyway.

 

I also will do everything to be the right person, instead of spending my time looking for the right person.

 

I will still be myself, and not worry if the person likes me anymore. Have you ever noticed that you behave different in front of a women/man that you have no interest with, but when you see someone attractive you change. I guess its human nature, but why should we. You be surprised to know that more times than not, they will like you the way you are.

 

Like I said I have been burned many times, and my heart still aches at times, but instead of thinking myself like a victim. I am using the pain, and experience to learn valuable lessons that will help me and others for the rest of my life. I hope you all do the same.

 

God Bless.

[ginger25]

You are so right; I can totally identify with the "prize" idea. I do the exact same thing, I tend to think about the other person more in relationships, but thanks to your post I will try not to do the same thing again, so thanks!!

[deejay74]

great post!!!

 

very inspiring but i am having a hard time believing in myself right now. I have lost a lot of dignity for what i've done recently and i feel a little ashamed.

 

it's hard for me to work on myself when i've been so out of touch with myself for many years. i am seeing a therapist and i am working hard on refocusing my attention on myself so i hope that i'll come around soon.

 

thanks again for this post.

[Mstyiyd]

This was a great post to read today, I really needed to hear some encouragement. I'll do alot to stay in a relationship (not physical abuse) but the few relationships I've had, I seem to put the other person on a pedestal too, instead of taking care of my own needs, or at least allowing my needs to be met 50-50.

It's always been all about that other person. No more. I'm worth being respected and having my opinion valued, and not having someone try to change me or tell me how much they don't want me. Believe me---I've heard that too many times from the past 2 people I've been with, and now I want to say---who the h#*% are YOU? YOU should be lucky to be with me rather than the other way around! Good job!

[drum4god]

great post!!!

 

very inspiring but i am having a hard time believing in myself right now. I have lost a lot of dignity for what i've done recently and i feel a little ashamed.

 

it's hard for me to work on myself when i've been so out of touch with myself for many years. i am seeing a therapist and i am working hard on refocusing my attention on myself so i hope that i'll come around soon.

 

thanks again for this post.

 

Don't get down on yourself. We have all been there. Love can make you do crazy things. Its not going to help you beating yourself up.

 

Be proactive with your life and stop analyzing everything you did wrong. Its O.K. to do that for a little while to learn, but doing it over and over is paralysis by analysis. It cripples you.

[Mstyiyd]

I agree wholeheartedly with that! I tend to analyze things to death, and it does nothing but stress me out, and make me unable to sleep or eat properly and that is just not healthy. My goal is to be healthy physically and mentally, so I can move forward with my life.

I hope someday I meet someone who cares for me in the same way I care for them, and it is more equal footing. Being the "caretaker" in my past 2 relationships has left me totally drained, numb, and I am not like that and I don't want to remain bitter and not open to new experiences that may come my way.

My ex seems to have decided to continue barhopping/partying on a regular basis and chase women who are nearly half her age (she is 41). I prefer to hang out with more goal oriented people who don't spend their free time in bars and night clubs (even though there's nothing wrong w/going out and partying once in a while---moderation is what I'm talking about!). I re-initiated NC for myself bec. I was finding it wasn't healthy to even talk much w/my ex because she is so self absorbed and only seems to call when its convenient for her or her bar pals aren't around. I don't need that. And I am getting tired of analyzing and beating myself up over the rejection. I gotta tell myself, its her loss. She lost a great friend, lover, potential partner......I can give all this to someone who wants to invest the same amount of time back in me.

I just hope it happens! For all of us! As long as we continue to do work on ourselves!

[Mun]

I rated your post because I hope alot of people coming here will read it. I think it will help them to get a better handle on their break ups and in their future relationships.

 

So many of the things you listed are things I have thought myself and try to share with others...I had like a deja vu moment there.

 

Good job! and keep going... you will be just fine I think.