fernandinaGXE Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 FIRST OFF, I know that sex isn't the most important thing in a relationship and that, I've heard it and seen it's efects on my friends' relationships. Needless to say they are now single. OK, me and my girl have been fairly sexually active for a good part of our relationship. Now due to MANY complication me may have to go from sex every other night or so, to NONE. And not just sex, makign out, foreplay, everything! Due to living and working conditions we just dont have that much time together and on top of that the places we are both staying at (still in college and can't afford our own places) we aren't allowed to do anything. She is scared of parking the car somewere and this pretty much means we have nothing. I am just nervous that this wil have a negative effect on our relationship? Any info? Link to comment
NJRon Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 I think the greater effect will be with a lack of general intimacy due to the sudden change in the amount of time you can spend together. Sex with a significant other comes from intimacy, not the other way around. Focus on making the times you do have together valuable, don't squander them. You'll know better what to do after a little while. Link to comment
Scout Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 I think the greater effect will be with a lack of general intimacy due to the sudden change in the amount of time you can spend together. Sex with a significant other comes from intimacy, not the other way around. Focus on making the times you do have together valuable, don't squander them. You'll know better what to do after a little while. Words of wisdom right there. Yes, make a real effort to spend quality time with each when you can. Go for walks, hikes, etc. Make sure you're talking to each other as much as possible. You'll figure out how to deal with the physical stuff, it's the emotional intimacy you want to keep nurturing as much as possible too. Link to comment
brando Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 I dont think it will have an effect on your relationship. I agree with the others, creating intimacy. Spending time together, quality time. This is far more important and necessary in sustaining a relationship. Link to comment
Rawk-1 Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 Hell yeah! when in a serious relationship i would refer to sex as love, the art of passion, painting a flawless portrait, your own work of art. a large group of men and woman look at sex as a bagain tool, almost like a bribe. if you stick around than you can have it, if you dont cheat on me or if you if you do what i tell you than you get some. that is totally not the case. no sex is not the most important thing in a relationship but its the first to come to mind with any person who does not know what they truly need from that person and what they want in a relationship. as your life goes on you will have less and less time to spend on that subject but the mistake people make is they dont make time. sex should not be rare nor should it be routine. it should be sparatic and spontaneous. take care of his needs while satisfying your own. people say good sex effects only 10% of a relationship and bad sex effects 90%. another mistake that people make in general is, if your not in the mood or dont have the time than make it up to your partner. Make time for the little things. surprise him or her with oral, lie still and let them explore, give him/her insentive to stop by another time where their is more time. you must take care of each other physically and spiritually. Go get em tiger! Link to comment
Day_Walker Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 Sex is a part of the bigger picture when a couple isnt having sex there are other areas of the relationship that are in trouble. Link to comment
fernandinaGXE Posted February 10, 2006 Author Share Posted February 10, 2006 well, you have all made great points. Rawk, we used to have those spontaneous moments but now there is nowhere to have those spontaneous moments. The fact is we are both so busy and going through so much time is rare and when we do both have time together we are both too worn out to do ANYTHING! im just so frusterated with school/work/everything! Link to comment
Rawk-1 Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 You sound like your married with two kids and working three jobs. no matter how hard it might seem or how much is going on throughout your day, bottom line is if it is essential that your relationship work than you will make time. find empty spaces throughout your schedule and let the magic flow. you'll be amazed as to what a little sexual activity can do. it relieves any physical or mental stress also brings together other lacking areas in the relationship. also, do not confuse mental tiredness with physical tiredness. enter the body first and the mind will follow. its all in your head, trust me. as soon as you get a taste you wont be able to get enough. if fatigue is a problem, then commense in oral pleasure. put it this way, if you cannot make time for something pleasurable as sex, something both partners benifit from than how in the world could have time to particpate in activites that benifit someone other than yourself. there are 24hrs in a day and 5 days in a week, 52 weeks in a year, well you get the point. Make it happen captain! also just a bit of advice, watch a porno or any kind of sexual interaction before you see your man, that will definitely provoke any energy you still have. buy eachother sex toys, make it intersting. the more you have to explore the more eager you will be to try new things. Ganraunteed! Link to comment
NJRon Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 Yeah, what he said... but remember... emotional intimacy preceeds physical intimacy. Link to comment
fernandinaGXE Posted February 10, 2006 Author Share Posted February 10, 2006 yea, theres a slight probmel of where exactly to do ANYthing intimate. I live with my parents, gotta follow thier rules, she lives with her grandmother. don't think I have to say anything on that end. The fact is theres just nowhere he can go even when we do have time... I have no problem getting aroused (RAWK i am a guy BTW) and its just really a matter of we are both stressed at the end of the day and just want to relax but can't even do that. Link to comment
NJRon Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 Can't you get a hotel room for a night of fun? Link to comment
fernandinaGXE Posted February 10, 2006 Author Share Posted February 10, 2006 well, niether of us make that much money, and remember Im in college and the school I go to happens to be about an hour away. gas can add up... Link to comment
NJRon Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 Wow... well then, the only thing I can say is try to find a secluded place to park or a friend's place when he won't be there and hope she gets past her inhibitions. In the meantime, concentrate on keeping the fun in the relationship. Link to comment
ShySoul Posted February 11, 2006 Share Posted February 11, 2006 Light the romantic spark, not necessarily the sexual one. Find fun activities to do and enjoy the time you have together. Take her out for a romantic dinner. Watch a movie. Just do something fun and enjoy the time together. It seems like things are good in the relationship otherwise, and that the lack of sex is because of stress and lack of opportunity. Don't worry about that for now. Instead, get the intimacy back through simple romantic gestures and spending quality time together. Link to comment
fernandinaGXE Posted February 11, 2006 Author Share Posted February 11, 2006 well, shysoul, this has been tried but as things are now the little time we do get to spend together is usually destroyed by something stupid. example, this weekend we COULD spend time together but we are more or less being forced by her family into helping prepare her recently (8 mos. ago) deceased grandfathers house for sale. this means instead of watching a movie together or whatever we get to spend our weekend painting and putting in carpet and having a garage sale......yea.... and as for parking in some secluded area, I barked up that tree for about a week and a half before just giving it up. she would just tell me shes scared of getting caught and after a while it just wasn't worrth arguing about. Link to comment
NJRon Posted February 11, 2006 Share Posted February 11, 2006 and as for parking in some secluded area, I barked up that tree for about a week and a half before just giving it up. she would just tell me shes scared of getting caught and after a while it just wasn't worrth arguing about. Did you tell her that's half the fun? Link to comment
AwdreeHpburn Posted February 11, 2006 Share Posted February 11, 2006 Dude, sounds a bit like your hormones are raging. Do you LIKE this girl or like having SEX with this girl? Neither are wrong, I'm just curious. If its sex you're after, start dating a girl who DOES have her own place. There is nothing wrong with being at a place where sex is priority. If however, you are into this girl and sex can't happen as often RIGHT NOW... like everyone else has been saying, MAKE time to be with her. Ya'll can still see movies together, right? Very low key, relaxing, not very exhausting...and it is a dark atmosphere... Point is, there will be plenty of time for sex. I can't imagine your current living arrangements are permanent. I realize its difficult to see beyond that at the moment, but I have a feeling this is temporary. You will have sex again, just enjoy each other when and how you can. And like the Rawk said, there are pornos. And you always have yourself for the times when you just need to... releive some pressure (is that too crude?) Link to comment
fernandinaGXE Posted February 12, 2006 Author Share Posted February 12, 2006 thanks guys, guess I'll just have to bide my time and let things happen... just not quite sure what exactly is going to happen. and to answer your question Ta Ree saw i like her and the sex, just trying to get adjusted to the no sex thing. Link to comment
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