Princess18 Posted February 8, 2006 Share Posted February 8, 2006 my new boyfriend hasnt yet told me he loves me- in fact he never really talks about how he feels (why is this?). we've been together a month but have been friends for 2 years before. I can tell he feels it from the way he acts and the feeling i get when we look into eachothers eyes. WHY doesnt he say anything to me? DONT GUYS REALISE THAT SAYING I LOVE YOU ALONE TO A GIRL AND MEANING IT IS THE BEST THING IN THE WORLD AND THERES NOTHING TO BE SHY ABOUT???? Link to comment
DN Posted February 8, 2006 Share Posted February 8, 2006 If anyone said they loved me after a month I would be very suspicious about why they said it. Much too soon for most people. Relax, when he is ready he will say it. Link to comment
RayKay Posted February 8, 2006 Share Posted February 8, 2006 He will say it when he is ready to say it. Have you said it to him? Love does not develop on a timeline, you may have been friends for a while, but even romantic love takes time. You are getting to know each other on another level, and a month is still very early. Give it time. Link to comment
Dako Posted February 8, 2006 Share Posted February 8, 2006 DONT GUYS REALISE THAT SAYING I LOVE YOU ALONE TO A GIRL AND MEANING IT IS THE BEST THING IN THE WORLD AND THERES NOTHING TO BE SHY ABOUT???? What do you think it means to a man to say that? Some guys see it as a signal of commitment and surrender, so they're careful not to give it up too soon. If it meant nothing to him, he'd have said it already. Give him time to learn about you. Link to comment
Caterina Posted February 8, 2006 Share Posted February 8, 2006 If anyone said they loved me after a month I would be very suspicious about why they said it. Much too soon for most people. Relax, when he is ready he will say it. Why would you be suspicious? My boyfriend told me he loved me after three weeks. Link to comment
DN Posted February 8, 2006 Share Posted February 8, 2006 Because, although there are obvious exceptions, i believe it usually takes longer than that to form a lasting relationship. Although, my own parents were married within 6 weeks of meeting - but that was wartime. Link to comment
arwen Posted February 8, 2006 Share Posted February 8, 2006 I think you can't really define a moment except 'when the feeling is there'. I told only one man I loved him, and that was after a year or so. Other relationships didn't last that long and it takes a lot of time for me to realize I really love someone. Give it time, princess. I think a month can be very short, but you really want him to say it because he wants to. And not because you want him to say it, right? Maybe his feelings aren't at that point yet. Are yours? Ilse Link to comment
venus777 Posted February 8, 2006 Share Posted February 8, 2006 yeah, my abusive boyfriend was "in love" with me after just a few weeks. it wasn't much longer that he was treating me like crap and saying horrible things to me. so i'm **very** wary of that myself. you gotta take things slow. Link to comment
volution Posted February 8, 2006 Share Posted February 8, 2006 Love is a process, not a destination... ...that is a lesson I learned this past year... ....so many believe in the latter, that once love is reached, then it doesn't have to be nurtured, inspired, cared for, worked on, tended to... There is a quote I particularly like: It takes a minute to like someone, an hour to love someone, but to forget someone takes a life time. Some people fall in love within minutes, some people over many months.... HOWEVER... And I'm not being cynical here... BUT.... Many men tell women what they want to hear, just so they can use them... They learn the words of honest hearts, and use and abuse them, so that when a honest heart comes along, the lady has been through enough lies to have a defence up against the words... Sometimes it's hard to break through that defence.... It is in the actions that we show someone we love them... Not just the words... This again, is something I have learned in the past year... That we must do more than just say "I love you".... Actions can speak louder than words... At first, words can be intoxicating, and the most hurtful and cruel men use beautiful words to woo the gentle hearts of unsuspecting and tender ladies... But love is more than words... Love is being a friend, love is listening, love is understanding, love is offering compassion, love is patient, love is showing someone you will be there for them, love is showing that you are willing to take care of your life for them (not just because they ask you, but because YOU want to).... Link to comment
Caterina Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 YOu guys are making good points. I have been moved to tell him I love him also. Its only the beggining sort of love though. Link to comment
truckerbabe Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 Why would you be suspicious? My boyfriend told me he loved me after three weeks. I'm with you on this one... my bf and I both told eachother around that 3 week time too. No need to be suspicious or wary... when it's right, it's right. We both knew we felt the same way, we were just nervous telling eachother. Now we can't get enough of saying it because we are crazy about eachother. Don't pressure him, he'll say it when he's ready. Link to comment
venus777 Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 as bell hooks says, people often confuse "investment" with love. Link to comment
Shadows Light Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 yeah, my abusive boyfriend was "in love" with me after just a few weeks. it wasn't much longer that he was treating me like crap and saying horrible things to me. so i'm **very** wary of that myself. you gotta take things slow. YEP.... I second this one. Reading books on Vebal/Emotional/Physical abusers.. the number one RED FLAG.. they ATTACH themselves to quickly. And have a need to be LOVED. Their Brand of love turns out to be CONTROLLING. Been there.. done that. I can see where there would be suspicion with "I LOVE YOU" being said to soon. Once bitten, twice shy.. I'm a skeptic. There are a few exceptions.. I agree. And DN.. your parents are awesome.. those were the days that meybe all these words meant something different. Don't know. Give your BF time. Growing room. He'll say it when he's ready. Link to comment
Confessoress Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 Even if I thought I loved someone within a few weeks, I wouldn't tell them that. Although I had when I was younger, but I was naive. People are on their best behaviour within the first couple of Months and what you think you love might not be the whole truth. There's no need to rush these things. I've held on to how I've felt about my BF for 10 Months now, I want to make sure it's all ok and he's ready for it. So in the mean time I focus on how he acts and I act towards him. Words can mean nothing and everything. Focus on the doing more than the saying. Link to comment
ShySoul Posted February 17, 2006 Share Posted February 17, 2006 The words I love you carry with them a lot of feelings and emotions. It is putting yourself and your heart on the line and is giving the other person expectations. They should not be said likely. And for some, myself included, saying them for the first time can be scary and nervewracking. It shouldn't be rushed. It should happen when the time is right and the person is fully ready. Link to comment
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