Jetta Posted February 8, 2006 Share Posted February 8, 2006 Do you have any suggestions on getting back out there? I've got this block up where I just really don't want to become involved on one side and really miss having someone on the other. Partially because my life really isn't stable in any way shape or form and I'd hate to drag another man into my mess. Another reason is that I really want to figure out who I am (as if that's not a lifelong process). I tend to be a serial monogomous type of person, so dating for fun just doesn't come naturally. Does anyone have any suggestions? Link to comment
gratefulpain Posted February 8, 2006 Share Posted February 8, 2006 volunteer, it will help you feel good when you help others.. plus make new friends Link to comment
Dako Posted February 8, 2006 Share Posted February 8, 2006 Sounds pretty close to my outlook. I panicked and deleted an online ad and now just want to admire women from a distance. I'm finding out new things about myself I never noticed while married. Some are even good things. When I get some stability, I want to teach adults to read. Maybe you just know when you're ready to get into it. I dunno. Link to comment
NJRon Posted February 8, 2006 Share Posted February 8, 2006 I am a serial monogamous person too and, being recently out of a relationship and still trying to get myself back together, I decided 'what the heck' and go for the casual dating thing. I'm just upfront about wanting to be casual and it's been pretty good. I was nervous at first, wondering how am I going to handle dating multiple people, since I've never done it, but, I find that if I just communicate what *I* want, things go pretty smooth. So far at least It's nice to just get out and hang with people without any pressure. Link to comment
chigal28 Posted February 8, 2006 Share Posted February 8, 2006 If you're wanting to work on yourself and uncertain if you want to get back out there, maybe the best solution to both would be to think about something you've always wanted to pursue--writing a novel or play, learning a musical instrument, ballroom dancing, photography, volunteer work, traveling to Europe, whatever it may be, and then just....do it. Take a class, get on a plane, whatever you need to do, and maybe you'll find someone really interesting doing the same thing. When you meet someone you're really interested in and click with, you'll want to pursue something with them because it will feel natural...but in the meantime, you're finding out more about yourself and accomplishing something really neat. Good luck!! Link to comment
friscodj Posted February 8, 2006 Share Posted February 8, 2006 How long has it been since your break up? First things first...you need to get your life back together before bringing someone else into it, even if it is casual I think... After you've gotten back your emotional footing, go do things you enjoy and find groups which share those same interests. Try new interests too that maybe you've always wanted to try. The key is to do them for you without looking to meet someone...usually when you do that everything happens on its own... Then of course, as mentioned before, there is always online dating. And if your picture looks anything like that in your avatar...you'll have no problem at all getting dates... Link to comment
renaissancewoman101 Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 So, how long should someone wait after a breakup before one goes dating again? My ex broke up with me 4-5 months ago. I am still not over him although moving out to San Diego has helped. I want to go out and start dating again, but the break up has shaken my confidence so it is hard to get out there. Also, the phone calls from his mother dont help? Link to comment
friscodj Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 I am still not over him although moving out to San Diego has helped. There's your answer right there: when you don't say "I'm not over him"! When you can say honestly, "Yeah, I'm pretty much over him" or similar, then you should be OK... Everyone is different, there is no hard and fast time line here... And why is his mom calling you? This is the second post I've read today where the mother of someone's ex is calling them. Tell her nicely to stop calling because it is making the situation worse for you! Link to comment
renaissancewoman101 Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 Friscodj, that is a LONG story. Since our breakup, his mom has called me twice. She thinks I am the best thing for him and she was mad at him for breaking up with me. Last year, he took a break from me for a week because he wasnt sure how he felt about me. His mom talked to him and convinced him to come back to me. His mom is one of those ultra-controlling types. Right now, I think my priority is going out, finding a job (I do have SOME job leads), and making friends. I think one of the best things to do when one moves to a new city is to concentrate on going out to do things and making friends and then worry about finding a SO. It is good to have friendships. Link to comment
friscodj Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 His mom is one of those ultra-controlling types. Right now, I think my priority is going out, finding a job (I do have SOME job leads), and making friends. I think one of the best things to do when one moves to a new city is to concentrate on going out to do things and making friends and then worry about finding a SO. It is good to have friendships. That really sux about the moms. Looks like you'll have to go NC with two people ... You'll love San Diego, it is one of my favorite cities. You're doing the right thing by getting out there. You'll definitely meet someone new! If you get a chance and are into the club scene, go to On Broadway, I've spun there before and it bumps... Link to comment
Jetta Posted February 9, 2006 Author Share Posted February 9, 2006 Thanks for the advice. I'm just kind of feeling like what do I want and where do I want to go now? Link to comment
friscodj Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 Thanks for the advice. I'm just kind of feeling like what do I want and where do I want to go now? Well, asking the question is the first step to finding an answer...you're on the right track... I think if you just forget about relationships and men for a while and focus on you and your stuff, the answers will slowly find you... Link to comment
NJRon Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 I think frisco is turning into some modern day Confuscious... Link to comment
friscodj Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 I think frisco is turning into some modern day Confuscious... Frisco say, "Thank you, kind gentleman with slick hair and big list about women's red flags from New Jersey." Link to comment
Dako Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 friscodj sure knows his stuff. He looks different without the diaper, too. Link to comment
friscodj Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 friscodj sure knows his stuff. He looks different without the diaper, too. Yeah, somebody complained about the diaper picture...said it bothered them...so I changed it... Hey, it was really how I felt at the time...like a guy in the corner of a room in a diaper...now I am better...just like we all will be with time... P.S. Thanks for the compliment, I am but an apprentice compared to some folks on here though...including yourself Dako... Link to comment
NJRon Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 I don't know, I think the diaper pic is way better than the goofy looking one you have now. Link to comment
friscodj Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 I don't know, I think the diaper pic is way better than the goofy looking one you have now. Bring it on...Fonzarelli...AAAAAAAY! Link to comment
vesper Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 friscodj thanks for posting on my thread!! I like your new picture here way better than the diaper picture too! another vote for the new pic!! Link to comment
gratefulpain Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 ask a friend to go to a live comedy show with you or get a group of folks to go.... whens the last time you laughed your * * * * * off? Link to comment
friscodj Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 friscodj thanks for posting on my thread!! I like your new picture here way better than the diaper picture too! another vote for the new pic!! Well then, let's see what you guys think of this new one about to go up...I like to keep things light with the pictures...I think it helps to keep what we are talking about in perspective... Link to comment
NJRon Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 In celebration of chococat... and to change my avatar... I present me and chococat... does this count as hijacking the thread? Link to comment
NJRon Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 I think that picture is from shortly before my wife left me But, at least chococat was there. Link to comment
friscodj Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 I think that picture is from shortly before my wife left me But, at least chococat was there. Well, that explains it then... Are you sure you want that pciture up there reminding you of that period in your life though? For real... Link to comment
.thumb.jpg.2d93ce2472f26b01a1e185382ba0b64e.jpg)
.thumb.jpg.78735a344a3340a866dda54f465baebb.jpg)
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now