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An Email - Thank You Superdave,Majord, Ms Omaniac, Nataliejulie

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It's been a few weeks since I have posted. I met up with the ex who said she wanted to have another look at the situation. Top weekend ( she told me she loves me/best friend soul mate) - but nothing resolved apart from "she cant make a decision right now" I have been back on the forum and have taken (stole/borrowed !) various people advice and quotes and sort of put them into an email. If you are a vet on this site you might recognise a few quotes of yours... thank you SuperDave, Majord, Ms Omaniac , Nataliejulie and those who have followed this story so far on the Perfect Plan. Anyhow here is my email after a great weekend of nearly getting there !!!



Dear XXX,




Thanks for a lovely weekend in XX and XX. It was definitely worth taking a look our situation but this has to be the last time I do that. I asked you if saw any future of us together on any level– you said no .I don't see the point in getting upset and worrying about what we can do to get you back, as you have already told me there is nothing. So the way I see it, I just have to accept this is dead in the water and move on. I feel almost relieved to hear it, because it has removed any pressure from my words and actions. (I guess it was all the texts/ phone calls from Egypt, missed calls over the other weekend, lovely Christmas present I got last week and last weekend that made me think that there was something there and something worth working at. They do say actions speak louder than words)


I'm not going to dwell on a situation I can't change – in fact come to think of it I'm quite excited about the future now that I can completely focus on it . To a large extent I'm feeling really good about life at the moment and it would have had to be really worth it to put myself at risk again to get back together - especially considering what happened last time


I know over the weekend you said - and have shown me to an extent - that you love me and see me as your best friend and soul mate. Thank you for telling me that I was the nicest person that you have ever spent time with and that I helped you get through the past two years – that's really sweet.


I know you want to remain friends and in contact but I can't see how that can continue. Ask anyone about this .Its does neither of us any favours – eventually one of us will meet someone else and things will become awkward and even until then, it will prevent us from meeting new people and being true to them and ourselves. This isn't what being best friends or any type of friendship is about .


One last thing I want you to do. You have taken - in my mind - a good decision to move back up north. Don't try and run before you can walk though, and get your emotional foundations in place before you start building on the next stage your life. If you don't you might find yourself back to square one in a few years but with 10 X the problems. You don't have to worry about rent/bills/your health/ your families' health/kids/relationships/marriage right now. You're in the clear to focus on one thing!! J


I want you to focus and work on yourself. The only person that has control of your life is you. I want you to learn to be happy, dependant and positive about your new life and get settled. If you create any negativity, every aspect of your life around you starts to rub off on that negativity and in its self becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. Try to stop worrying about what may or might not happen in life. Why? Because it's too short, I'm 32 next year!! Look at XXX for example. Wow! If she doesn't inspire you to be happy then no one will.


The only thing that can make you happy is not a new job, a new car, a new pair of shoes, partying, a holiday, moving city or even me - and God I should know I tried my best kid! J The only thing that can make you happy is YOU, the only thing that is making you down is YOU. If you're irritated or down, you're doing it to yourself. You are in control of your actions and emotions. Even you hit the nail on the head on Friday. If someone cannot be happy with themselves, it makes it almost impossible to be happy with someone else or indeed anything else, which makes it seem like aspects of your life are in a yo-yo phase... Good then bad, good then bad, horrible then great. Try to talk your Doc about this so you can get off your personal rollercoaster.


XX, realise that tomorrow is another day. Don't worry about me, I can worry about myself. Start taking care YOU....stand up straight, put both feet on the floor and lift your chin up and smile. You are in there somewhere kid!


And with that I reluctantly say bye.


Thanks you're a star


Take Care

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Thanks for everything! You were the nicest person to me that I have ever spent time with and I know that you will make whoever you are with very happy. Much more than I ever deserved. Anyway enough of that!I know that this is for the best and I hope all goes well for you whatever happens for you.


I hope that whoever you are with they make you happy and that you keep on attaining all that you are worth.


I never did send you a Christmas present that was deserving of the support you have given me over the last 2 years so just watch this space. I hope that it will give you the support that you need over the years!!!!!


I don't think that I could have got through all I have gone through without you and I know that you know that I have the most up most respect for you at all times. I will always defend you, that I promise!


They say that actions speak louder than words so I hope when it arrives you understand what I mean because I think it will be clear. Just in case there is some confusion it is not meant to be weird and I hope they bring you many hours of happiness.



Anyhow, I appreciate everything that you wrote and I am very happy that you are looking forward to the future and the path that your life is taking at present.


I agree that to truly move on contact between us is not possible in the short term but I hope that one day we are able to sit and reminisce about all that we have been through together. Not the bad stuff obviously.


I understand what you were saying about myself and trying to address all the things that bring me down and I can promise that I am attempting to do this. I know that to find true happiness it has to be in myself and for that reason I am spending a lot of time on my own and addressing things that I need to.


I don't agree with all that you have said but that is my own perogative and is possibly the reason why I feel that us being together is not the best thing for either of us. I will not go into this as it would be pointless.

I could sit here and write what I think you need to address in your life but that would be futile so I will not.


I hope that all is going well for you in the Big Smoke and that you continue to earn all the money that will ultimately make you happy. I know that you will find happiness and achieve great things in your life and I look forward to hearing about them from my friends.


All the rest I have said to you before so I don't need to repeat it again.


I hope that you are happy and that you find what you are truly searching for and realise that there is more to life than what you currently see. In this I mean that you need to expand your horizons. There is a big wide world out there and it would be a shame for you never to see the majority of it. Remember that life is short (someone once said) and don't leave it too late before you're too old or committed to go and seek out those things you have know idea about and have never seen.


Don't lead a closeted life, don't hide from anyone and ultimately don't leave stuff to tomorrow that could be done today. Ultimately, tomorrow never comes and when you are sat in that room filled with impulse and diarrhoea you don't want to have the ifs and buts to cut you up inside. I know that i will make sure that I don't!


I am so glad to have known you and would not change much about the time we spent together but I know that this is the last email I will send to you.


Take care, my great friend and I wish you an eternity of happiness and good luck


If you are ever in trouble and I can help let me know but for now I say goodbye



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youre welcome. im glad any experiences i had can benefit someone. now you have to post on here to help people with your experiences

i liked how you thanked her for her kind words of thinking so highly of you. and i liked how your letter was so sweet and considerate. i wish i would have had an email like that. to date...all emails that the guy broke up with me only posted the bad times. and any and all of my faults.

yours isnt like that. you even give her advice on how to handle her problems because youre not going to be there for her. youre very nice to the end. you have a huggggge heart.

if i was her...id miss you and think very fondly of you later. if she doesnt...which im hoping she does...she will eventually. all it takes is for her to go through a crappy breakup with someone and it will dawn on her that dang...scruffism was a doll.

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Hey scruff!

Good to see you back mate


The email you sent her was perfect, and the email she replied with was just as sweet.


So what do you do now?


Simple mate - it's simultaneously the easiest and hardest thing to do: Nothing.


You have left an impression on her that will not be lost and taking any action now runs the risk of tainting that. Let her go mate, and stick to the words in your email.

I've made mistakes in the past - reading into an ex's "farewell email" only to find myself chasing her harder than ever...and throwing the nice things she said (about me) in the email back in her face. Don't make the same mistake.


Stay out of her life, and let her come to you (if that's what she decides to do). Most importantly - you have to truly move on. Don't rely on her changing her mind - be hopeful by all means, but don't count on it.


Now is the time to focus COMPLETELY on yourself. You have to do what makes YOU feel better now - and that means anything that makes you feel good without involving your ex.


If you run into her or her friends don't share any info about your feelings at all. You'll find it just opens old wounds and will set you back. You're a single young man in a BIG city - get out there and make the most of it my friend. If not, you'll look back at this time (with or without your ex) and kick yourself for putting yourself through more trauma than you had to.


The main fact from all this is:


She loves you dearly and knows what a great guy you are.


Sometimes that's the best all of this comes to - but the other option (having an ex angry with you and thinking you're a psycho that can't take a hint) is much worse.


You've handled yourself so well throughout this ordeal mate and you should be proud of yourself. This may not be the end of the saga - but for your own well-being and sanity, you have to treat it like it is.


Stay strong scruff, you've provided many (myself included) with inspiration.

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Just to give a bit of a human aspect to this, Im Skiing in Italy for the Olympic Games - no , just watching and a bit of skiing ! Look out for me on Sky Sports !


Thanks for the replys guys , I hope this is really helping somone out there. Life is tooo short.




(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Big Hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))








Quick joke - How do you turn a duck into a soul singer ?????















Put it in the microwave, until its Bill Withers


Majord, Superdave MsOmaniac and Nataliejulie - hope this makes you laugh. If not let me know

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