Ok, still together but now bummed out

[bob_mckenzie]

Hey All,

 

I am writing in reference to my post

 

As mentioned in my post above, my girlfriend and I are still together, even though it seemed like it was over. It is not the first time that we have gone through this and as grateful as I am that we are together, it now seems like those events that happened over a couple of days are now hitting me. It is almost like post traumatic stress. I have been so friggin overwhelmed with anxiety and panic. I feel as though I cant talk to her about it as itwas her descision to again break this off and then decide not too. I am left with the insettled feeling of uncertainy.

 

I dreamt last night that I was following her to see if she was doing something behind my back and when I got back to the house I was completely freaked out and ready to confront her and all she was doing was walking her dog. During the whole dream I never saw the dog. It is almost like I was wanting her do do something so I can say "see I told you", but instead she just gave that look and I was upset that I wasted my energy expecting something that was not.

 

I guess I need to unload on someone who is not near me and not biast. I am seeing her this weekend and it is the first time in 2 weeks, I am nervous about the whole thing. I know that she will fly into my arms and give me a great big hug and say sorry...but...I want that, I am just scared and on the defense.

 

thanks for listening. Feel free to input

 

Peace

[Bethany]

I think that you will have to learn to trust her again. She broke your heart and it's not easy to overcome that but it is possible. If this is going to work out, you have to let go of the past and trust her again however much of a risk this may feel.

 

Set some boundaries though. Tell her that if she does it again to you, you will have to look out for yourself and walk away from her, however much you love her and talk like you mean it.

[sukerbut]

hey man..same thing happened to me...just chill and dont drive her away...unfortunately my situation turned out bad...once they lose the love its over..so just watch your back..be cool, dont pester her too much...and try to not be so anxious..i could not follow my own advice..every time i tried talking to her she wuld be like "can we stop talking about his.." so i could not even communicate with her...i would be liek babe are we still cool..do u still love me..her answer if it was sensere would of been of course i do babe, iwant us to work instead she would just make me feel uncomfortable and foolish for asking basic questions..good luck my man..but i think you should give her plenty of space..and start looking for some one in the mean time..

[bob_mckenzie]

sukerbut - I do need to chill out and not be so anxious, but I am uncomfortable with the thought of "looking for someone in the mean time" I do consider that cheating and if that is the case I might as well end it now. But I do appreciate the first part of your posting - - peace

[bob_mckenzie]

I am finding it hard to settle my head down. All I can think about is telling her that dont want to go through this again. I talked a bit about it last night and all she says is "try not to stress about it, things will be ok" As mentioned in my first post above, everything has sunk in again and all I can think about is telling her that I dont want to go through that anymore. That we need to seriously talk about this and decide. I know that it is my thoughts and my "own coversations", but it is difficult to remove them from my head.

 

I think it maybe cause I have been away from her for this amount of time that I am thinking too much. I need an off switch. I know that things are rarely "how they use to be" but I think that we can grow on what is here now, the changes that have occurred now and go forward. But maybe I am deceiving myself.

 

I truly love this girl and when i hear her say the same thing to me and how excited she is to see me this weekend and not to worry; then why does my worry seem to elevate to a higher level. Is it unnecessary or just part of the healing process of the event? I want to "let go of the past and trust her again however much of a risk this may feel." Maybe I need to relax

 

Part of an email from her

 

"It was good talking to you last night. I'm excited to see you next week... (Two weeks is too long!)"

 

Take care you, (I love you!)

xoxoxooxoxo

-------------------------------

anyways, enough rambling...

[Bethany]

Positive thinking, my man. Don't let your insecurity and your fear stand in your way. I always find that it's better to put yourself in the future at times like this and see yourself strong happy and content i.e. the person you will become when these feelings have subsided, and then work my way forward to being like this.

 

Don't show her that you are feeling like this, it's natural that you will feel like this but these are YOUR feelings and private emotions and you need to work on them. Take a deep breath.

 

You HAVE to trust her but take it slowly and if she then messes up again, you will KNOW deep in your heart that you have given it your all and you can walk away with peace of mind that you did your very best to make it work. And even though you will have another broken heart, you can and WILL pick up the pieces again and move on.

 

But don't forget those boundaries.

[bob_mckenzie]

I am trying the postive thinking. It is really hard sometimes not to show any emotions. I dont want this to mess up again, even though I know in my heart if it does then I will need to walk away, but it is something I dont want to think about, and yet it is what goes through my head. It is almost like my mind doesnt want me to be happy and is in a constant battle to undo any good thoughts.

It is even worse because I am going to see her this weekend, I feel so much anxiety and panic. But, as you mentioned BOUNDARIES. Not to show the "feelings and private emotions." I guess live my life, and let life deal with itself. She is not only my girlfriend, but she is almost my best friend, so it is tough when these situations come up - it feels like I will lose both.

I do once again need to relax and listen to what she tells me. She says sorry and if she says relax dont worry, then perhaps I should also listen to that too. If she says she is excited to see me this weekend, then I should run with that and not dread the weekend, but be excited that she wants to see me. Is that wrong? We have been together for almost 3yrs and we have shared a lot within the time we have been together. (sigh) Sometimes i wish I could press mute and all is quiet.

[Bethany]

Sometimes you just have to ignore your negative thoughts and follow your heart, trust in your instincts and start walking. You have to move forward.

 

It may be a road to Hell but it may be a road to true happiness but whatever happens you didn't stand back afraid and let her walk away, reaching out in the dark calling "wait for me" and watching her slowly slip away. You were brave and knew that where you stand now isn't a good place to be. It's a void of negativity and unsurity and you have to get out of there.

 

It's time to start trusting YOURSELF and your positive thoughts and start walking, my friend, even if it is into the unknown.

[bob_mckenzie]

I guess with all that is gone on, I am not too sure whats right and whats wrong. It is difficult when the person you love says "I love you back and tells you not too worry." I dont even trust myself to make any decisions. I feel Ihave gone through every possible scenerio except the one I havent thought of (make sense). My heart is to be with her, I think that is why it hurts so much when I think negative thoughts. I dont want to be alone again. But, I am afraid after this weekend that that may be what happens.

 

I must tell you though and I feel that this is important. Anytime anything in my life starts to falter, I automatically go full tilt thinking the worse and barely any room for positive thinking. (if that makes sense). Honestly, a lot of my thoughts on here are speculative and are somewhat legit feelings, but perhaps after I see her this weekend things will be clarified. Maybe we will work as a couple through this, or we may part and gather ourselves to lead our own lives....I need to think now not yesterday or tomorrow. Yesterday right now bums me out and tomorrow scares the heck out of me.

 

To release anxiety and daily burdons etc, I climb. When I am on that wall and hanging around guys like me, I feel very liberated. When I am tackling a new problem and do it, there is a major sense of accomplishment. When I try a new problem for the very first time and I know that it is out of my scope if can pull of just a couple fo moves I am really pumped. Even if I cant do any of the problem, I keep trying and I may managed to do one move.

 

It is hard to apply that to everyday life...yet it based on the principals of "one move at a time."

 

When I talk to her on the phone she asks if I am alright. I want to cry and say no in fact I am not alright, but I tell her yes, I am ok that it has been a long day. "Don't show her that you are feeling like this, it's natural that you will feel like this but these are YOUR feelings and private emotions and you need to work on them. Take a deep breath. " (bethany). I feel better when I do this...

[Bethany]

Hey, I am sure she is scared too, she is putting herself on the line here by showing she is excited and not knowing what will happen either, that takes some guts and some trust in you.

 

Don't forget that that fear is your only enemy, shake it from your mind and feel it burn in your stomach, you can then take control of it. And take that deep breath...