merickso Posted February 8, 2006 Share Posted February 8, 2006 Group, my ex called me today in the afternoon to tell me that she really missed me, and I told her that I missed her too but that I am trying to get on with my life with out her... she said that she loved me and that she had to get off the phone before she started to cry, so I just ok bye... then she emails me like 40 minutes later with "were you mad that I called, I just miss you so much....so much". I did not respond, but I am trying to figure out what I should do - I dont really want her to think I am mad at her do I? or do I? please give me your thoughts... Link to comment
red10 Posted February 8, 2006 Share Posted February 8, 2006 good for you for just saying bye - you do what you need to do to get past this..... i wouldn't respond, it would probably open up another can of worms....no need to go there! Link to comment
DN Posted February 8, 2006 Share Posted February 8, 2006 I think you could say that you are not mad but it hurts when she calls or messages and says things like that. Say again you need to heal and get over your love for her. Tell her as kindly as you can that she is the one who broke it off and she should live with her decision and not keep doing this. Link to comment
friscodj Posted February 8, 2006 Share Posted February 8, 2006 I don't know, merickso, I don't think anyone but your intuition can help you on this one. If it were me, and I heard those words, yeah, we'd be talking about it...just don't play games whatever you do...is that the best advice? Probably not, but that's just what I would do... Link to comment
merickso Posted February 8, 2006 Author Share Posted February 8, 2006 hmm. well, this is definitely a tough one... I think that I would choose option B/C and go with the calm email back that says "no, I wasnt mad at you, its just hard when you call because I thought that you didnt want me in your life. I am trying to heal and get on with a life without you, and I am trying to do what you asked and give you the space you wanted without me". ARG... I have to admit that I do feel a tad hopeful, and I hate it... Link to comment
DN Posted February 8, 2006 Share Posted February 8, 2006 It is understandable to hope - but that is why she should not be doing this unless she wants to get back together. Link to comment
friscodj Posted February 8, 2006 Share Posted February 8, 2006 hmm. well, this is definitely a tough one... I think that I would choose option B/C and go with the calm email back that says "no, I wasnt mad at you, its just hard when you call because I thought that you didnt want me in your life. I am trying to heal and get on with a life without you, and I am trying to do what you asked and give you the space you wanted without me". ARG... I have to admit that I do feel a tad hopeful, and I hate it... That's a good plan...I don't think one is done just yet...I have a feeling you'll hear more from her too... Link to comment
sexyguy2004 Posted February 8, 2006 Share Posted February 8, 2006 funny, i am also in the same situation! i have been in a few serious relationships...but i can honestly say that i have only truly been in love once! so after our break up..i tried to forget my ex's number and everything! but after being constantly reminded of him via memories, songs, scents etc. i had to honestly realize that i am still in love! my ex and i started talkn some time back and recently he asked me if i missed him and i was like look we are not together just friends blah blah blah..he went on to say that he missed me and still loved me! i do as well...but im in college and we dont live near eachother and right now our lives do not allow us to be together...but to make a long story short....if u still have feelings for her realize that u cant really change that! i too was in a stage that i was upset with my ex! Link to comment
kickedin Posted February 8, 2006 Share Posted February 8, 2006 after learning the hard way......dissappear.....dont answer dont respond dont do anything until she is crying at your door step.......because at that point you made her realize what she wants if you dont she will most likely yo yo you again the ballis in your court and you are way ahead of me.......if she loves you she will come....it has been 3 weeks today and at this point my hope is fading that she will call me even though she is dealing with her divorce..... Link to comment
friscodj Posted February 8, 2006 Share Posted February 8, 2006 ......if she loves you she will come.... Well, isn't she "coming" in this situation? I mean, it seems a bit unrealistic for someone to show up crying on your doorstep...and even then...that doesn't necessarily mean another shot would be the best thing to do... There are folks on here who have had exes come back and have things work out...I say talk to her about this... Link to comment
kickedin Posted February 8, 2006 Share Posted February 8, 2006 Well, isn't she "coming" in this situation? I mean, it seems a bit unrealistic for someone to show up crying on your doorstep...and even then...that doesn't necessarily mean another shot would be the best thing to do... There are folks on here who have had exes come back and have things work out...I say talk to her about this... well i just feel it hasnt been long enough for her to realize... Link to comment
merickso Posted February 8, 2006 Author Share Posted February 8, 2006 yeah, who knows. she just called again this morning because she got my email i sent back to her and her first words were "I love you"... BUT... her last words (we had a bit of a conversation) were that "I believe that I have made the right choice". What a joke. But, to be completely honest with you guys, I do not feel like I am back to square one at all, because I never got my hopes up with her calls today or yesterday.... I just told myself that she missed me and wanted to talk to be, but she didnt want anything more. I reiterated to her today that I am dealing with moving on to a life without her, and that I didnt mind if she called, but that I have not been and will not be contacting her as it makes its so much harder to heal. I then told her that I didnt appreciate when she lies. I told her to please not tell me she will call me later, or tomorrow, etc, if she has no intention to, and that I deserved that. I dont really know whether or not I should stop responding to her calls... I guess, eventhough it contradicts some of what I have said, it just gives me the impression that she actually is as upset as me - and that makes me feel better. (and of course there is the small part of me that is wishing every second that she asks for me back... even though I have no idea what I would do if she did) Link to comment
DN Posted February 8, 2006 Share Posted February 8, 2006 I really have a hard time with the "I love you but I made the right choice to break up with you". That seems to me an oxymoron. If you love someone you stay with them unless there are extraordinary circumstances and her reasons don't fit that description. I agree that you should tell her not to lie to you - including that one. Link to comment
merickso Posted February 8, 2006 Author Share Posted February 8, 2006 I also told her very directly (althought I was polite and calm) that I completely feel like she used me and our relationship as the excuse that she wasnt living her life the way she thought she should have (based on her religion), and that I think that she was trying to show her family that there was a reason and it wasnt just because she actually prefers to live her life not completely entrenched in her religion. she didnt really answer, and then I told her that it doesnt feel very good when someone just up and leaves you and then starts doing new things (go back to school, join a church volunteer group) within the first week and act like (and tell people) she couldnt have done it when she was with me - completely the opposite, I was always supportive and would have never cared one bit. She was going to get in to it but I had to go (I was at work), so she said she would call later and I said (if you arent going to call, then dont say you are because I dont want to hold my breath anymore). She said that she wants to talk more about what I said - so we'll see if she calls me tonight. ARG! it feels like it never ends... are break ups meant to take weeks? and not just hours? thoughts? thoughts? Link to comment
DN Posted February 8, 2006 Share Posted February 8, 2006 thoughts? thoughts? no contact no contact Link to comment
merickso Posted February 8, 2006 Author Share Posted February 8, 2006 hehe... I liked that... clever! Link to comment
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