When taking action feels like overstepping

[HarleyJoe06]

My wife and I have begun talking again after about a 4 month hiatus. I'm sure you all know how it goes......the arguments, the fighting, uncompromising standpoints...blah blah blah. I believe we've both let go of the past and what's happened and the talks of late have been getting better I must say. Friendly, casual and nothing heavy just trying to rebuild the trust through friendship which is my take on it. Keep seeing signs from her on an almost daily basis. My dilemma is that Valentine's Day is coming up. Thinking about sending her some flowers from our son but have been debating whether or not to put my name or "daddy" on the card.....Wondering if anyone has any input on this. Not that I am dwelling on what to do, but would like some other input. I mean cuz it's only been a couple of weeks since we started talking and even hanging out a little bit....and don't want action to be perceived as overstepping.

 

Thanks

[karen95]

Maybe you should buy 2 cards. have one card from both you and your son, and have the other just from your son. then on v day, you might be able to tell by her if she is expecting something from you, or not. (or if she gets you something)

and maybe you should buy her something really nice that you know that she will like, and even if the card is just from your son, she will know that you are behind it, and it will probably mean a lot to her.

And it would be kind of indirect and non pushy as your name is not on the card.

[yme]

I have no idea what form Valentine's cards take in the US. Here in UK there are cards that stop short of being mushy romantic if that is clear.

 

If you can find such a card that clearly states your admiration, rather than udying love, it will be a sort of half-way gesture. It will show that you are thinking of her without needing her (even if, deep down, you do).

 

If it isn't possible to buy such cards, why not sit with your son, and both make cards. In your "home made" card you can say the right things without overstepping the mark.

 

Again, I don't have experience of US culture, and the significance placed on store-bought cards. I was raised in a family that believes that any old joe can go into a shop and buy a card. It shows that the sender is really thinking of the recipient if the card is made by the individual. If your wife has even vaguely similar thoughts (rather than home made is a cheapskate alternative) it will be a two-edged sword. It will say the right things AND show you put some thought into the gesture.

 

 

Good luck, whichever way you choose to approach this.