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Stages of intimacy

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Hi, I've just started going out with my best friend of 7 years so our relationship is weird to start with, add to that the fact that I'm 25 and I've never been out with anyone seriously (I've had sex, but only one night stands)

Basically I'm really into her (don't know about love yet?) I fancy her like mad but she's head over heels in love with me, so we're not on equal footing yet.

We've kissed loads and had lots of fun with it, but I don't know what the next stage is? She's only been in one serious relationship and so is pretty clueless as it's been years since she dated (and I've never dated). I think she'd go as far as I wanted but is being very cautious not to spook me. I would love to go all the way with her but I don't think it's a good idea to let my * * * * rule what I do!

I basically want to know what people think the next stages should be after just kissing, like I hear people goin on about petting etc but I don't know what to start with. I just don't think we should jump into being full on (especially as at the moment I would feel a tiny bit like I was using her)

Please help!


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There's no real hurry, is there?


I'd start by gently touching her face, stroking her hair. Then her neck and shoulders. Give her a shoulder rub and/or back rub (with her clothes on). If she's into that, and wants things to go further, you'll know. There are many, many ways to become closer and more physical before things become at all sexual.


Don't go too far each individual time you're together. It'll be better if you both have time to absorb what happens.


And TALK to her. Ask her if what happened last time was okay. Make sure she liked it before you take things further.

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I can understand feeling weirded out I was in a similar relationship, trust your instinct if feel you're taking advanage then just take it slow, enjoy her companionship like you did when you were just friends, the only difference now it that you can be open about your feelings for each other.

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Ash, great advice as usual.


There aren't really defined stages. Things tend to happen naturally as both people are comfortable. I think as you go along, it is something you just know to do. Kissing leads to longer and deeper kisses, frech kissing. You begin to touch each other more intimately. It doesn't have to be sexual, just brushing her hair from her eyes or putting your arm around her waist. From there, talk and communicate with her and see how you are both feeling, if you are ready for more. Just make sure not to rush it and to go at your own pace, so that you are both comfortable.

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