traumatized by men

[teacup]

i need to get away from all men right now. i dont want to talk to any men. i dont want to know any men. i dont want to relate to any men. it makes me feel sick and scared. i need to get away from men because they want to use me, hurt me, violate me, they want sex, they want to date me, they want something from me that isnt mutual friendship. i want honesty and sincerity and kindness and i want to be surrounded by women so i feel safe because i know women dont want to use me, hurt me, violate me or have sex with me.

 

im so traumatized and frightened. the memories came back clearer and i feel extremely stressed, anxious, panicky, sick, disgusted, vile, evil, dirty and rotten. i feel pain....i need female company and female friends and i want to talk to women.

 

men seem so evil and gross and dirty and repulsive to me right now. i hate men. they just want me for my body parts. they just look at me like im meat, someone to get with and to be used. i dont feel like i am seen as a human being, a person.

[yeawutever]

Yes, teacup u were abuse before, and yes you have posted the same thing about u getting abuse by men and they hitting you, isn't it time u stop for a second and do something about it, go to conseling already, ur posts says the same thing that this is like the 100th time I'm reading it, and well to tell u the truth, ur being weak yourself for being not standing up for urself and waiting for others to show sympathy and they doing it for you, people aren't gonna make the change for you, you do it for yourself, for ur own sake. You're in ur imagination waiting to be rescue, waiting for a miracle to happened, but it ain't, but until u stand up for urself and stop playing the weak person, cuz deep inside ur aren't weak, ur strong just like everyone else, but ur pretending to be a victim, when ur not. I'm sure ur worthy, but by ur post, ur stating ur not, ur not thinking highly of u. Teacup, kids at school used to tease me and I did get emotionally bullied, but heck, I'm strong now, I don't have to go evryday and bring the same issue like you do. We all encounter difficult situations, we all suffer, we're humans, but that doesn't mean I have to bring the same issue everyday, that gets tiring u know, that one talks about the same problem they suffer long ago, yet they do nothing about it, u have to move on u know, life is short and if u don't make the best of it, ur not gonna have a good ending.

Also, by saying u don't wanna talk to any men, ur doing nothing but escaping from ur porblems, if u keep doing that, ur still be miserable. It's really ur decision if u want to have a better life, get couseling, be happy with urself, or to play victim and be miserable and be stuck in ur problem.

[TiredMan]

I agree, get counseling for this. It's important.

 

Then you will realize how bad what you are saying is. And also how all women are not "safe" as you say. Some men will do the things you say, as will some women. It's not just men.

[RayKay]

You really need to take responsibility for yourself, and go to therapy or something. I honestly think YOU are making yourself the victim here, in your thoughts and patterns.

 

Many of us have been abused, bullied, hurt. However, you must learn from it, move on and realize that not every person is like this. Not every guy looks at you "like meat". For one thing, not every guy will be attracted to you. Attraction is subjective. Secondly, not every guy is only concerned with sex. Lastly, some guys will be attracted to you, but that does not make them automatically "vile and disgusting". No not everyone just wants "mutual friendship" but that's their right too, if you don't want to date them, tell them you don't and move on.

 

I agree with Ailec, you have to stop waiting for some 'miracle' to happen and make the effort yourself to break out of this mindset. No one is going to have a magic answer for you, or be able to say "no you will never get hurt again". The only way you can solve this, and not get into situations like that again is to help yourself and stop putting yourself there over and over.

 

Honestly until you see yourself as a worth it, you are only going to keep playing a victim, and you really need to break the cycle.

[teacup]

of course. i know. thinking and doing are two separate things.

 

i write alot here.....there are times i really need some comforting words. but alot alot of the writing......i am trying to get my thoughts out, clarify them and to feel i have a voice. it is actually okay if no one reads my long posts, because they are so long......i just need to feel like im heard and that my story is getting out there, even anonymously.

 

im actually on meds now. and im going to counseling....which i have resisted for so long.

 

im dating a man.....at first i was incredibly frightened that he was an emotional abuser.......i freaked out on him several times over little things because i didnt trust him and didnt understand him....i was scared he was going to hurt me....i did some ridiculous things.......and i think he has forgiven me, been patient with me and wants to see me again. i offered him sex....i liked him so much...even though i wasnt ready....and he held off a couple of times because he wants to wait. when i think of him...i am so nervous, but so happy.

 

but i do want to write about my fear of men. i write and write in an effort to break my mind out of the cycling.......why do i cycle in my thoughts so much? why do i repeat things over and over? why can't i just grab myself up by my bootstraps and just do it? i dont know but i am so hoping that counseling will help me.

 

i used to just lie in my dark room and sleep all day long. escaping. for years and years. then i would go online and use the computer. my only contact was my abuser. sad right? other ppl were out there living, laughing, enjoying life and i was buried.

 

i go to a good school now. i have a good job - i like my supervisor, i feel that i am compatible with her personality. i have my brother in the same school....i got financial aid for school, it came through......i got an A on my last midterm, i am taking a dance class on saturday, i went on a trip in the winter to see my relatives whom i adore so much.....i have female cousins that i can write to - even though i have not done that yet...my parents are supportive and no longer yell at me, pressure me or push me....in fact, they played classical music in the car just for me....my mom took me out to dinner on my birthday......i read a chapter and a half of my textbook....im wearing a buddha bead on my wrist.....i bought myself lavendar scented bath solution...love it, i got some chocolates on sunday.....im thinking about getting a cat....im dating a guy that im feel so fluttery and excited about......im thinking of reading more books....i can count 4 good adults that i know are helping me...i stopped drinking so much tea.....im taking medication.....me and my brother went out to dinner.....i changed my phone number so noone bad could reach me.....i am planning to go to la sometime for fun, i am planning to go see my relatives again...i want to read more books....i love learning languages.......but why am i still like this?

 

why am i not stable? despite all these small things.....what is wrong with me? there's something in my head that i need to process.....but how? everything is going better than it has for years and years.....even money wise, i am getting my paycheck in a week! and this is from someone who barely had the energy to get out of her bed and walk to the bathroom.

 

something is still broken in me though....i dont know why or how.

[smartnfun]

Please go to therapy, it will help, I feel like something is a miss with me too, things are going well for me I now own my own business and make over 3 times what I used to make at a regular job but I still feel like something is missing, when you are abused you lose a part of yourself, and I am now going to therapy and I have to say that it is helping, it will take a while though, I have been going for about 3 months now and I am seeing some progress, but you have to understand that it took a while for you to loose part of yourself and it will take a while to get it back. I have learnt to be patient and I am still learning to love myself and trying to get my self esteem back. So go to therapy, the domestic violence hotline 800-799-7233 can refer you to an organization in your community that can work with you. Please help yourself and let someone help you.

[becallamjr]

Don't mean to sound incensitive, but " What doesn't kill you can only make you stronger". Your not alone, Teacup. As you are frightened of men, there are men out there that are just as frightened of women. Maybe not so many on a physical level, but emotional. The above quote that I stated, isn't to be incensitive, but more of a question. Why choose misery over happiness? There is something deep inside of you that is making you choose misery, continue your therapy and find out what that thing is. As for cycling, there is something called the cycle of abuse, what it is sometimes we get used to something and our minds expect it all the time, we even seek it out subconsciencely. No I'm not a shrink, but some of us payed close attention in psych class.

[Morning_dew]

I have recently ended an abusive relationship, and I havent complained about how all men are wolves, and I'm 19. There are just some ppl out there who dont know how to treat other ppl properly. That's just how some ppl are. I havent been discouraged by the rogue who abused me. His behaviour actually taught me to become a smarter person.

[teacup]

i get memory flashbacks....it is like living in the moment again. i feel almost like he is still here, abusing the crap out of me. it's a pretty horrifying, discomforting feeling that im trying to shake off. i dont enjoy it. i want to forget but i can't. i want to heal but i can't. im stuck in between a rock and a hard place. my mind is going a million miles a minute and i cant breathe. blahhhhh........

[soakingwetzz]

Wow, teacup, u can be a writer or editor, cuz damn u sure write alot, ok ain't got time to read it all, don't want to, don't feel like it, get to counseling right away.

[teacup]

yes. i am traumatized. why do you think i am writing a lot?? i cant get the images or flashbacks out of my head. it's like a mental block. i feel so awful. i almost feel like i want to throw up, shower lots, hurt myself, puke......argh.......so gross. i feel violated, hurt, angry, sad, depressed, disgusted, vile, indecent.......men are sick.

[TiredMan]

While I understand you have some trauma, blurting out generalized negative statements about men is still out of line.

 

If I was robbed when I was younger, would it be ok for me to post negative comments about people of a certain ethnic background just because that person was one?

[ShySoul]

Teacup,

 

It is perfectly understandable that you feel this way and are upset with men. You need to vent and use this site to do so. And that is good and healthy for you. You want some supportive words, and there are people who will give them to you. If there is someone who doesn't or tries to put you down, ignore them and focus on the ones that too.

 

At some point though you have to work through the issues. It is difficult and frustrating. It can take what seems like forever. You may go backwards a few times before pushing back forward. But you can move on. You need to see that not all men are bad or would abuse you. I'm sure in your heart you know this, but its difficult to see and so you generalize based on the bad guys you have met.

 

You are getting help, thats good. And slowly but surely, things can get better and you'll work through these problems. Don't give up hope and don't let people get you down.

[NJRon]

I'm sorry you feel the way you do, I wouldn't wish that on anyone. You are taking your meds and going to counselling, that is great. Whatever you do, even if you feel 'fine', don't stop taking your meds unless your psych says to. Keep going to couselling and I wish the best for you. If you need to vent, then feel free to. It's very therapeutic and you definitely have a lot of venting to do.

[teacup]

yeah, i have a lot of venting. sometimes i write just so i can get all the emotions and thoughts out. i dont always need feedback unless i specifically ask for it or there's something that someone wants to say to me. but im really pretty traumatized by the abuse and by the sexual abuse/pressure/pushing too. im rather messed up but i need a voice/vehicle to express it. and i hope to do that here, and those who dont wish to read my long rants, dont have to.

 

im pretty afraid of being abused by men or used by them. i'm at the point where i dont recognize a good man from a bad man, they all seem.....BAD. i think a lot of times that mabe men are just bad for me in general.

 

im not at the point where i can trust........

[yeawutever]

As frustrating and anger u are towards men, you can't put them all in one bag and say all of them are sick, what about those that get treated like crap and they're stuck and can't move on!! What would they be saying, the same thing ur saying now!!! It's good ur starting counseling, u really need it, but at some point, ur gonna be on your own. Don't you wanna form a family, get marry?? Yes, it's gonna take time for you to heal, but by generalizing men as you sya, you'll gonna scare them away.

 

Hope everything goes well Teacup!!

[TiredMan]

I don't know. I find it difficult to be supportive when someone makes generalized statements about anyone. I know for a FACT that if I started a post saying "all (insert ethnicity) people are criminals" because I got robbed by one, I would get a backlash like never seen before lol.

 

Again, while I understand about trauma (I have plenty of my own), people still have to be responsible about what they do and say.

 

Oh and I dig the Friday the 13th sig. I'm a huge fan of that series.

[kiwinezzie]

i havent been horribly abused but god it is sickening to try and make a male friend then he wants more . i hate just knowing it. then your supposed to be ok with them commenting on your physical appearance. my ex said hey sexy and i told him he was gross then he completely cussed me out for not taking the compliment and overreacting.

men are so repulsive ,it's their personalities. but women are mean too .i cant have girl friends they insult the way a dress and act like im a * * * * or stupid. i attract girls who just want to use me to rub their ego. .thats whats lonely

[kiwinezzie]

you make it seem like abuse or rape is because of sexual attraction .guys looking at you like meat is the start or that stuff. when they arent "Attracted" you dont exist . these are feelings not just thoughts how exactly do you stop feeling abused ? i cant think of anything really but time. the problem is even though all people arent trash the majority really are thats what made not hating men so hard for me .Like even though a guy might not be attracted to me the way he would treat or think of attracted women would still make me hate them. like my boss is jealous of my male coworker who is being sexually harassed by an "attractive" woman. i hate him .also people seem to forget that these people didnt make themselves victims so why criticize them for being one?

[FathomFear]

Edit ** deleting my post as I notice the OP's post was from 2006.

 

kiwinezzie--I'd avoid bumping these very old threads. It's unlikely anyone who took part in them are still here.