Lost her to a guy 100 miles away

[Bizw]

Hello Everyone,

 

I posted recently about my girlfriend of 6 yrs that was no longer making time for me. I wont bore you all with the details but I'll give you a quick background.

 

I'm 24 shes 21 been together for 6 yrs on and off the last yr and half. We broke up many times the past yr maybe like 10 times but she always came back. Shes found a few guys during those breakups but they didnt last. We had a very loving realtionship bought often fought about pety things. When we started splitting up, whenever we would get backtogether we'd have alot of tension about what went on when we were apart( dating other people and so on)

 

Well we got back together briefly for about 2 weeks and things were off to a great start, partially because my life is finally in order. Well things were great but she started putting me second again, not making time for me etc..

 

Anyway a few times I wanted her to stop buy after school, I live on her way home, she told me she was to tired or busy and so on... Well she came to the conclusion that she didnt feel attracted to me enough anymore to want to spend the time with me. So I decide no contact

 

I was strong for 4 days ( I know that doesnt seem like much but it took alot). Honestly I was hoping she'd miss me and call, she never did so I broke down and called her.

 

Well stupid me decides to ask her all the details of the past few days and when I hear something that hurts I insist on asking more.

 

Heres the deal. She met a guy at the bar on friday night (supposedly knew him but never really liked him) and hung out with him the rest of the night. Saturday she went to see him. The kicker of it is, he lives 2 hours away. The reason that hurts is that she drove up to see him after work at 10 at night getting there at midnight just to see him and is going to go see him again tomorrow night after school. It hurts because she couldnt even make a one minute detour to see me. I dont see how she can like this guy so much when she hardly knows him and he lives so far away. Can this really work out for them.

 

I know this is all besides the point of me really just needing to move on, but 6 yrs is a long time and I truly love this girl. Its tearing me apart and I just dont understand it, I know it all comes down to accecpting it and dealing with it. I know I sound foolish asking this but do you really think her long distance realtionship with someone she just met can work.

 

Any thoughts or suggestions, would help thanks much

[red10]

it is tough, and you want advice on how to move on or what you should do...but really all you want is her to just be with you....if only it was that simple, huh? i'm not sure what to tell you, i mean, you two have had a lot of time together, doesn't seem like she's quite ready to commit - maybe she's scared, she is only 21 - maybe you should take this time to reflect on your relationship, and take care of yourself - who knows, maybe in the end you might find that she's not who you want, rather it's just the thought of being with someone....and the comfort level???

 

 

i'd try to go with the NC - i know how hard it is, but it's not to get her back necessarily, it's for you, and whatever happens will happen.

 

people have all different opinions, and every situation is different so it's really hard to give advice and take advice - at least here you know you're not alone

[stolenshadow]

Hello, your situation is very sad and complex but I hope with time things fall into place.

 

I think there are some wrong "labels", it's important you address things by what they really are.

Firstly you didn't lost this girl, she left, she made a decision (a very bad one) and she's the one that will deal with anything that comes out of it.

 

I think she's not a stable person, she wants you, then she doesn't and goes to date others, when she doesn't want to date anymore she wants you again, I can't imagine the confusion you feel to be loved and not loved as if a button was pushed on or off with her.

 

I know it hurts that she prefers to drive at night to see some guy she met at a bar rather than let the guy she has been seeing for many years to visit her at home, but, isn't that telling you something about her?.

 

Six years is a very long time, but you are very young, now think about your future, you say you love this girl but does that mean she loves you too?, that you love her means she's right for you?.

Now think ahead, what if in 3 years you're going through this again?, what about 9?, is this the kind of relationship you want to have for the next 20 years?, won't you feel worse the more time you invest?.

 

You are asking about her new relationship, that one can or can't work, but the fact is this guy is not the problem, she can keep finding new guys to rebound with, and you can do the same with girls, but wouldn't it be better if you had a nice girl who didn't have to look elsewhere from time to time?.

 

You should really ask yourself what would make you happy and what is that you are looking for, if you think you are making mistakes work on them, the sooner the better.