Myspace issues.

[romanticlover]

Hey everyone.....I'm back with more updates on this relationship. I am setting a goal for myself that will take a lot of will power and will hurt very much. As you all know I have been healing from a pretty messed up situation from a girl who needs her space (a second time around). Basically her space entails of her going out every night and getting wasted with her friends while I am sitting here sad, lonely and torn. Obviously she doesn't feel that way. Well I have been torturing myself by logging onto myspace. I was using it anyways even before we got back 2gether. Well I have been monitoring her page. She had pics of us up and her status was set to in a relationship. Well we had this need for space chat about 4 or 5 days ago. I seriously thought we were over. Well I have been looking at her page and she still has us as together and even put new pics of me up on her page!! Meanwhile she doesn't call me, text me, etc etc and needs to keep far away from me I guess, but she can message her friends, go out and party, etc etc. How can she care for me yet go have fun with others???? I guess she feels they don't pressure her into anything. I know that she felt pressured in this relationship because I was much more giving than her and expected more from her at times. Well the whole point of this is that I am making a pact not to log into myspace until 2/10/06/ 4 days from now. This is tough because I always log on. But every time I do, I go right to her page to see comments, pics, etc. How am I supposed to take that when she is saying she is still in a relationship, put new ics of me up, and yet wants nothing to do with me till she feels ready and feels like she got her space?????? This is heartbreaking, confusing and gives me hope. She gave me hope 3 years ago after 2 weeks of space then said she couldn't b in a relationship. I seriously see that happening again. But why would she still have in a relationship. I doubt HIGHLY that it's with another person just cause I know her. What to do?

[DN]

This is called keeping someone on the back-burner - she knows you visit the site and can keep you where she wants you without contacting you directly.

 

Don't play that game. Don't go to her myspace, assume the relationship is done with, heal as fast as you can and move on to someone who wants a proper relationship with you.

[Nathalie1970]

The way I see it, is that she is counting on you to be her fall back guy. If she finds out that the grass is not greener on the other side she can come back. I have been following your story and that's the way it looks to me. Do not log on to that site and start healing. (I know easier said than done)

 

Good Luck and hope all goes well

[OceanEyes]

Basically her space entails of her going out every night and getting wasted with her friends while I am sitting here sad, lonely and torn. Obviously she doesn't feel that way.

 

No, she doesn't. And it doesn't mean that she doesn't care for you or about you as a person, it just means that she doesn't care for you on that 'romantic level' anymore. I'm sorry to put it that way, but I've been on both sides of this drama and I know how women behave when in, and out of love. If she really wanted to be with you, she would be. She knows that you're available, and yet she still goes out with friends every night rather than hanging out with you. This is a clear sign that it might be time to start doing the same -- try to take back some control and start trying to move on.

[romanticlover]

Well here is my master plan. I had a huge valentines day planned for her. I said to myself if things aren't patched up by valentines day, then that's it. No more suffering. I also took off her pics and made my status single on myspace, but then have seen hers and it still says in a relationship and has my pics on it after she has updated it. After I took down my stuff, I just realized I wasn't ready yet emotionally. I was doing it out of spite. I changed everything back 2 the way it was. I'm giving my self a few days be4 I log on to myspace, then by feb 14th if she has not made anything clear to me, then I am ending it in my heart, myspace, and everything else. How would she take it if I took her pics down, said single while she has it the opposite?

[annie24]

Maybe it just hasn't crossed her mind to change her myspace page? maybe she added those photos because she liked the way she looked in them. You shouldn't overanalyze the myspace stuff.

 

More importantly, if she broke up with you, that was the definitive action on her part, not the status on the myspace page.

 

I'm sorry if this is harsh, just want to help you.

[DN]

More importantly, if she broke up with you, that was the definitive action on her part, not the status on the myspace page.

 

I'm sorry if this is harsh, just want to help you.

 

I agree with Annie on this. Time to realise that you should move on.

[romanticlover]

Wow I just really got freaked out. I started to think that I can't be with any other girl but her and the mere fact of her being with someone else down the road just makes me ill. Has anyone ever felt this way? I'm sorry guys about this but I have never really had this happen to me. I was only in love once before and that was with my son's mother like 13 years ago and most of all the other girls i dated were between 1-5 month flings. I have been with a lot of women to be honest. Most I ended them cause I lost attraction so fast because of sleeping them within the first 2 dates. With this girl it's differnet. Maybe because she gives me that challenge I never had? Even though this is not normal to have these differences, what if she is the only one I can feel like this for. This deep love. Out of all the other girls i've been with, i'm talking like 30-40 women I have slept with. God that seems slutty, but anyway, I haven't felt like this with any of them. This is what brought us back together I think cause she felt it too. Ther must be something that brings us together. This is what scares me to be honest. The whole thing really freaks me out at times. So I am sorry to keep this topic going, but honestly, you guys are the only ones I can open up to like this. I could not do this without all of you guys and I mean it from the bottom of my heart. Thank You.

[annie24]

Wait - how old is she? Why is she still on myspace?????

[romanticlover]

I am 31, she is 33. Many people I know are on it. Age doesn't matter on that thing, Everyone uses it

[annie24]

I know - just the way you described her, I thought she was like, 21, 22. You know, wanting to hang out with her gfs everynight, getting drunk, partying at the clubs.

 

By 33... she sounds kind of immature.

[DN]

I know - just the way you described her, I thought she was like, 21, 22. You know, wanting to hang out with her gfs everynight, getting drunk, partying at the clubs.

 

By 33... she sounds kind of immature.

No kidding!! I thought she was much younger that that as well.

[romanticlover]

Well to be honest, I am a club dj 2 night a week. But for me its more for work. Maybe she just needs to get this out of her system. She wasn't like this before. We'll see.

[annie24]

Well, that's different for you, you're a dj!!! But her.... needs to get it out of her system??? Was she married for a long time before that? It seems to me that most people "get it out of their system" by 23 or 24 or so... You know, in college.

 

This is obvious, but most of the women your age are lamenting that there's no good men who want to settle down. Most single ones want a husband and kids ASAP! Clearly, you want to, but for some reason found the one 33 year old woman who doesn't want anything serious. I think you should listen to OceanEyes - it seems like she still cares about you, but it seems like she's slammed the door shut on a romantic relationship with you.

[romanticlover]

OMG I am pissed. Well I know I said I wasn't logging onto myspace, but I saw i had a message in my email. It was from HER!!!!!! I was tempted to not look, but I was curious. Basically it said just stopping by to say hi, hugs......I looked on her page and just happened to notice her ex, (the one just be4 me who lied to her and is a scum bag and who is not over the relationship from what she said) sent her a message a few dys ago. Well I looked on his profile and she sent him a animated image sayin under it I WON!!!! 18-15........I was thinking.hmmmmm........That is just MESSED UP...Here is a girl that told me she was really burnt from this guy lying to her, yet she has no problem with chatting with him, bsing, sending him messages and doesn't want to be with me and needs her space....HOLY CRAP...She still has us in a relationship also. WEll I am not responding to her message and from not on not logging on tilla few days, then to officially end it in my heart. Do you think that is wrong in any way? I feel so disrespected and backstabbed.

[NJRon]

I'm 35 and have a myspace page too. However, from all your descriptions about this, I *too* thought she was very young. You need to rip yourself away from the whole myspace thing. I used to have an online journal that I linked to with my ex... it was too much of a temptation to read it and analyze every freaking thing she said. After I deleted my journal and stopped myself from looking at hers, I felt so much better.

 

She's just doing her thing, whatever that thing is and she is probably not thinking about how it impacts you at all... she's just doing stuff. Which is why it hurts so much because you want to think that she *is* thinking about how she may affect you by posting things. Well... you need to get that thought out of your head and realize that it's almost like snooping... not so sneaky, but whatever you find can only hurt your feelings... nothing good will come of it and htere is no way to analyze it because you will just keep running your head in circles.

[romanticlover]

About what you said Annie. We are both single parents. I have a 10 yr old son and she has a 7 year old daughter. Yeah she is very immature for her age to be honest. She obviously is not thinking of her future for herself or her daughter. We could have started working towards that, but instead she chose herself instead.

About myspace, I can't really take myself down from that because the club I work at has a group on it and I am the main dj there and need to check stuff. The only way I can do this is to take her off my top8, remove her pics, etc. But I will still find myself looking at her page. Especially if she is going to keep sending me random comments like she just did. I am not going to reply to her comment and just see what happens. But how do I take what I wrote be4? She has the nerve to do her thing, which includes talking to someone that straight up lied to her and got arrested over something that involved it, who put a bad taste in her mouth and used him as an excuse for not being ready 4 a relationship cause they broke up soon be4 we got back 2gether. When we were together, she told me if he contacted her, she would be like, " why r u calling me", but obviously she has taken it further. She doesn't want to work on stuff with me, but goes behind my back to have this guy in her life again. I don't know what her intentions are, but it sure makes me ill. I'm counting the days to where I can shut her out of my life. I am just not ready yet or strong enough.

As I mentioned before, I am starting to think that no one will be able to ever make me happy. If this girl made me happy, yet miserable, how come all of the other ones only made me happy for a short period be4 I lost my interest. I just feel that good women as well as men, are hard to find these days. Between my career and djng, I am around women all the time. Just don't understand why people play these games.

[romanticlover]

Should I think what she is doing is wrong by talking to her ex whetehr it's online, phone, email, etc when this guy lied to her and hurt her in the recent past? While she wants space from me, goes out an dparties, and can't talk to me, is it wrong what she is doing by talking to this guy again behind my back even if it is just friends? I am only concearned cause this guy is a dirt bag and he straight up lied to her. She would rather talk to that kind of guy than talk to me? Is that just messed up or what?

[NJRon]

I know it sucks, but you need to let it go. It doesn't matter whether it is right or wrong, as it has nothing to do with you. It's all about her. Instead, would you want to be with someone that does that? If not, then all the more reason to cut yourself off and let go.

[romanticlover]

To be honest, this is very scary for me. I dread the day that she calls, emails me or when we make contact. I am 75% sure she is going to not want to get back together. I am just trying to build up enough character and strength to shut her out of my life fo rnow. I know she is going to wonder why or how I could do that, and knowing her she will turn it around and blame me or make me look like the bad guy, but I am trying to build this feeling up to where I am ready. I also feel fuilty in a way if I do because I did love her and we shared a lot and it might be rude of me to do that, but then again look at what she is doing. I would never do that to someone I love. I don't think she realizes or cares about what she has done or is doing. I pray evey day for things to work out whether bad or good, but I am very scared about moving on from this girl. She will always be in my path and this is what bothers me also. How can I get through this?

[NJRon]

I know about fear. It's one of the things that I'm good at The way I overcome it is to realize that there is no good or bad. It is all good (whether together or apart). In the end, I will always have myself. So, I am making myself someone I want to spend the rest of my life with. That's the most important thing to me. As soon as I let go of those things out of my control, they will work themselves out, while I just stay the course.

 

"I would never do that to someone I love"

 

Take a look at what you wrote. I am the same way. So, given that, there are only a couple of alternatives here. Either, she doesn't love you. Or, she is the type of person that would do that to someone they love. Either way, is that someone you want to be with?

 

Who cares if she turns around and blames you for anything? There is no need to feel guilty about your feelings. You are just acting to protect yourself, and there is no shame in that. You are acxting mature by not 'acting out'. Don't let her drag you down to her level... stay aloof and do what's right for you.

 

You are doing what you can and I have every confidence that you will make it through this, the better for the experience, if you just keep yourself first.