My Update

[merickso]

Hello friends,

 

If of all I would like to say that I feel that the "Breaking Up" and the "Healing after a Break Up..." are almost the same to me and I rarely know which one to post in.

 

I just wanted to get my thoughts down because my mind just keeps spinning.

 

Its been 10 days since my breakup with my ex, and some of you probably read my other posts whereas some of you didnt. In short, we were going out for 1 year, she talked about marriage quite a bit, but then broke up with me last weekend stating that she wanted to put god first in her life and she felt that our relationship was not heading on that track (we had talked about it before but nothing really changed).

 

I have emailed her twice in the last 10 days, phoned her 3 times, and txt'd her probably 4 times and seen her once (last wednesday) - all of these she has contacted me back, a 2 or 3 of the times she contacted me first saying that she missed me. I agree with NC, and that is my focus now and has been for the last 3 or 4 days, however, as most of you know, its easily broken in the early stages of the break up.

 

I have stayed very busy with friends, with family, on this forum, with work, goin to the gym, which has all helped me greatly. Driving home from work & falling a sleep are the most difficult times right now as they are when I would always call her if I wasn't with her. I love her so much, and so much of me wants to try to say the right things, do the right things, etc to get her back, but there is a growing part of me that wants to let her go. I feel that, even after only a week and a half, maybe she was right, maybe we shouldn't be together. Basically I spend my days battling myself over whether to fight for her (which may mean giving her "time" as she requested) or actually letting her go.

 

She called sunday to ask me if I had heard about a mutual friend's parent dying, and I said I did. She told me that she is now doing volunteer work, has applied to go back to school, and has decided to get baptized in two weeks. It really hurt when I heard all of these things because it makes me feel that she used me as the excuse for her not doing these things before. It's like she decided she wanted to change but wanted to mask her just changing her mind about her lifestyle with our breakup. She has told her family that I held her back from these things, which was not the case AT ALL. I dont know, maybe I just didnt see it. When we broke up she told me that when she is with me she only focuses on me and our relationship. Anyway, it made me feel very upset and hurt to think that she has already made these changes in her life and I have nothing to do with them, nor do I have any input.

 

I miss her and it hurts me to see her already moving on. It hurts me to think that she has convinced herself that she couldn't have done all of the things she is doing now when I was in her life.

 

I miss her and I love her, but I am so hung up on whether I should continue to hope we will be together, or just stand firm on NC and move on. I can't thank everyone on here enough, i am so thankful that I found all of you and this forum.

[Ms Omaniac]

hi merickso

 

doing the NC is really what's best for you right now. i guess you know that...little messages can bring on big setbacks...even if they were meant as nicely/innocently as possible.

 

and youre right...it's hard to see your ex moving on with her life. BUT that's the reason she left...she needs to find herself. hopefully she'll be able to soon. once she does...then she can again re-evaulate what she wants in this life and who she wants in it. so for all you know...the faster she finds herself...the faster she will come to the realization that you two should be together. it's not much hope. but the only way also she'll miss you is if you arent there. she has to look back fondly on you and miss you.

 

so while she is trying to find herself...you need to become more independent and find yourself. truth of the matter is..if she IS going to want you back...she is going to want you back with you being healthy mentally. if she goes back to you and youre a mess...that is more of a reason to let you go because she'll feel guilty youre like that or she'll reason that she needs someone that is where she is at mentally.

 

keep posting on here to vent. take care of yourself above all.

[DN]

My vote would be for NC and move on. The longer you wait to start the healing process the longer it will take to be ready to find someone who loves you in the same way you love her,

[Lil R]

if she can cope without you then you can definatley cope without her it will be hard to forget about her and i dont think you should attempt that...my advice is get on with YOUR life and what ever will be will be and call her when shes free theres no harm in being friends just try and get on with whatever you want. Time heals all

[Ms Omaniac]

dn has a good point. there is a quote from that book "he's not that into you" that reminds of DN's post. summarized it basically said "there is some girl out there that is glad you and your crappy ex didnt make it."

and that's true (not that im saying your ex is crappy...that's just the quote) im very glad my bf and his ex...who treated him awfully...didnt work out and that he finally had the strength to move on. i am very devoted to him and appreciate him and im glad he finally had the strength to try and date again.