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i broke up with him but why is it so hard

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i broke up with my boyfriend on the fone on saturday morning. we dated for a little more than a year and 2 months..i'm 16 and hes 18.. we've been through alot.. we fought all the time over anything and everything! he controlled me and put restictions on me and didnt trust me. and i wasnt too great of a girlfriend either i should say.. because i would always get him upset and i never wanted to fool around because i had too much stuff on my mind and i just never felt like it.. and he would get so upset cuz he thought i didnt think he was attractive. i would yell at him when i was angry, and we both took our anger out on eachother, verbally. my friends and family hate him, they always tell me hes controling, and i was afraid to tell him who i was with and what i was doing because i couldnt drink or anythign with out him there.. which i understand his reasoning. we've been through so much and i feel so much for him i just dont want to be controled or feel like this anymore, we both werent happy, he wasnt sleeping at night and i was always crying.. so i broke it off. i couldnt do it in person because i was too afraid i wouldnt be able to do it, and i knew how he would react so i did it on the fone.. then that night he wouldnt stop calling me (drunk) telling me i made a mistake and he wants to drink more and drive his car into a wall.. and now i feel like i made a mistake because i miss him so much! i love him so much i just dont want to let him go. if i go back to him, everyone i know will hate me.. ughh i'm so confused. i didnt even go to school today because i am so upset. i want to be with him i just dont want it to go back to the same thing over and over again.. please help.. i need some more advice.. i dont know what to do, i saw the hurt in his eyes today when i gave him his school books he left in my car.. and it jsut hurts inside to know were feeling the same thing and we both want eachother but were not together.. i ughh!! help please! what should i do?



i posted a few days ago about this on another topic but i really need to talk to someone.. i need more advice, this is really hard for me, i cant stop crying!

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It is normal to want to be with someone who means so much to you.


I honestly suggest that you two take time off from eachother. You're stressing eachother out. It is NOT ok in feeling justified in taking out your anger on one another. You are there to help eachother, not be eachother's punching bags. Its seems to me that the two of you are stubborn and don't communicate well. So take a break from eachother and really think things out. Make sure each of you knows exactly what it is in the relationship that would have to change if you got back together and tell the other person that. Be completely honest. Also, make sure that each of you understands that it is HARD WORK to change and that you will have to be there for eachother and help eachother. You can't expect him to change and you not change yourself. Its a mutual thing, just like being in a relationship is.


I think you two just need to take time off and chill. I'm sure after a nice break and some thinking things will get better.

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Hi there!


First of all...may hugs to you. Any partner whom puts restrictions on you and controls you in a such a matter as he was is abusive behavior. And the crying he has been doing, promising he would change, and the emotional blackmail (i.e. threats he will drive his car into a brick wall)...all classic abuser behaviors. Don't mistake pity, guilt and fear for him as love. You mentioned in your post that you were not happy and you two fought all the time. There is not any hints of a healthy, trusting and thriving relationship at all.


What you want to consider is talking to your parents, trusted adult, or a school consuler about this. These are heavy issues for someone of your age to handle on your own, let alone any age.


Here is a very good website I encourage you to check out.




I truly hope things get better for you and take good care of you ok? (((hugs)))

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