custody battles and tears at bedtime

[spillit]

please help, i broke up with my childhood sweetheart about three years ago and because of the fact that he started bringing his 18year old girlfriend into our marital home and letting her sleep in our bed when i was on night shift i moved out. He lives in the house with our two sons aged 9 and 7. Despite the fact that we rowed he was always okay with me having the kids. he has started dating the live in au pair which is okay by me. I have changed my mobile number twice because he used toleave abusive hateful texts. he calls me the "evil * * * * * from hell" in front of the kids and my youngest said that he told him that i didnt like my children. I work long hours and do funny shifts, he has just got back from holiday and i text him saying what days i could do this week and even saying hope he had a good holiday, he replied saying i couldnt have them those days and that i couldnt have them at weekends as that was his time with them. But whenever he wants to go out on fri or sat night then he wants me to have them..i try not to let it get me down but all i want is for no * * * * *iness , i dont want t obe friends and i once said to him lets just try to keep things nice and not be diffucult as we will have to be in each others lives. He said that he has no intention of making my life easy,when we discussed divorce he told me that he would rather spend 10,000£ on solicitors fees than see me get a penny...how can i deal with someone that is so unreasonable? I just want to see my kids but all he wants is to make me look like a bad parent and turn my children against me He makes up all these rules like i have to have them for 24 hours and no more than 48. well sometimes i dont have 24hours off work but i could pick them up from school and have them till bedtime which the boys and I would like but he says no-for no other reason than to be diffucult.. I am at my wits end. Please dont tell me t oget solicitors involved as before I spent £1,500 on solicitors and he just ignored the letters.

[novaseeker]

I don't know what else I could advise you. Unfortunately the legal system is the way you can ultimately address someone who is not being reasonable and not being workable in the context of a divorce. Do you have a divorce decree yet? Is there some kind of legal action (not a letter) that a solicitor could bring against your spouse in the UK to compel him to obey a certain custodial arrangement? I'm not as familiar with the family law in Britain, but I would think that such things would be possible, and it is worth speaking with a solicitor about. Trouble is ... I doubt that anything other than a legal order is going to make your ex turn around and behave reasonably. Some people really are recalcitrant and don't do what they're supposed to do unless the state orders them to do it.

[Bethany]

I have no idea why you didnt kick him out of the house and you stay with the children?? This man is an idiot and he was the bad guy.

 

I know that your don't want to bring solicitors into it but I don't think you have a choice,go see a solicitor again, apply for legal aid if your wages are low or see the Citizens Advice Bureau as they can help you through the minefields. He CANNOT ignore a court order because he will go to jail.

[spillit]

He wouldnt leave the house ...and said that he would do everything possible to make life hard for me. My family are all onm his side and he just text me saying i was a hooker and a * * * * today....i dont know how much longer i can take it

[novaseeker]

Can you block his texts somehow?

 

Why are your family on his side?

 

Either way, you really do need to get legal aid of some sort, otherwise my bet is that he will keep up his abusive and unreasonable behavior.

[Bethany]

He wouldnt leave the house ...and said that he would do everything possible to make life hard for me. My family are all onm his side and he just text me saying i was a hooker and a * * * * today....i dont know how much longer i can take it

 

I get the feeling you're only giving half the story.

[spillit]

I dont know what you mean really..having his young girlfriend in the house where i lived with him and the kids meant i had to move out it was destroying the boys and me I was crying all the time. I am sure that I havent always behaved perfectly -who has while going through a break up?But I never slag him off tothe kids or indeed make any comments to him about his lifestyle choices.. I was in a photo printed in a mens mag(NOT a top shelf one ) and thats why he called me a * * * * i think. My mum thinks he is great and I am not close t omy family so he speaks toher and asks her to look after the boys and she adores him. He changes the goalposts constantly -firstly he wants me to have them at weekends so he can go out now i cant have them at weekends.he wants me to give him 2 weeks notice and have them for 24hours minimum and 48hours maximum, yet when he and his girlfriend have something last minute I do everything i can to help them.I left him but it was three years ago and i think he still hates me for it

[Bethany]

I had the feeling that this was some sort of revenge thing and it's why I asked not because I thought you were to blame for his behaviour. Just trying to understand....

 

Why don't you talk to your Mum about it, tell her how much it hurts you that he uses your children in this way. You may not feel close to her but she is still YOUR Mum and as a Mum she can support you. It could be the very thing that brings you closer together and maybe you could go around when the children are there and enjoy the family feeling once again. It's got to be worth a try or at least thinking about.