Tell me I did the right thing

[Nathalie1970]

I guess I just need some input or affirmation that I did the right thing.

 

My ex bf and I broke up about 6 wks ago and it has been LC, he says he still loves and wants me but can't be with me right now(he says he can't predict the future so he doesn't want to say we'll never get back together). I tried to convince him over the past month that we should work our problems out together - to no avail. (on the aside, he was still willing to be intimate with me when it was convenient to him, I put a stop to that about a week ago, yes, I was foolish to think he would want to be in a r/ship again because of it)

 

I finally decided that I was ready to move on . On Friday, he shows up at 5pm when my kids are still here to bring me back my superglue . We had decided anything still at each other's house would be left on my front porch so we wouldn't have to see each other. (By the way, he is a police officer in my town, so he shows up in his squad car). I did not invite him in, let him talk from outside the door, my kids were thrilled to see him (especially my daughter whose 6). They asked why he was here and he said to return the glue, then he played "you're it" with both of them then he left. This all took place in about 5 mins. My daughter wants me to call him to say "you're it" , I dial and let her have the phone. She gives me the phone when she is done, I say "have a good shift" again call was less than 5 mins.

 

Last night (Saturday), I get on my email and there was a msg from him sent at 9pm that said in the subject line "This email is for R****" (my daughter)

 

YOUR IT

 

YOUR IT

 

YOUR IT

 

YOUR IT

 

YOUR IT

 

 

FROM L****

 

I have not responded (is this the right thing to do?) and was wondering why he would do that ????

 

It's like he knows the minute I am ready to move on and pops back just to make me think about him.

 

Just venting, it makes me feel better, my friends are sick of hearing me talk about him and I am trying not to, but why did he have to show up or email.

[DN]

Who knows what he is doing. But you should tell him not to do that again as it upsets the kids and raises their hopes. Tell him if he wants to be in your life and the kids lives then he has to realise that means a committed relationship. Otherwise, he should stay away. No visits to drop off superglue.

[Nathalie1970]

You're right about it the kids. I didn't want to say anything in front of them, I think they have taken it very well. I have no family around here, so this forum has been very helpful to me.

 

On the bright side, I take the kids back to my hometown in Canada for their february vacation to visit my family, and that will keep me out of the ex bf's sights for a little bit.

[DN]

Well, welcome home - in Ontario?

[Nathalie1970]

Yes, I'm a Kitchener girl....God I wish I was there right now.....

[jl301]

Hey Nathalie,

 

Is okay to vent. I'm glad that you stop being intimate with him. I'm sorry to hear that he doesn't want to be with you right now. I think the best thing is to do "NC" with him, so you could start your healing process. You want someone that is commited to you and your kid right? Hang in there and enjoy your time back in your home town alright!

[Nathalie1970]

Thank you, Jl

 

Some days are easier than others when it comes to NC. I wonder if he doesn't want to be with me right now because he's interested in other people and is just keeping me around in case it doesn't work out. I wake up in the morning and wonder what he did the night before or who he talked to....then it gets easier as the day goes on. I know we are not compatible and just wish that he wasn't in the same town as me (it's a small town..)

 

Oh well, I will try not to do anything rash or stupid...and try to make it another 12 days until I can get home to my family.

[Nathalie1970]

DN,

 

I took your advice and sent this email -

 

Do not come near my house or children again. When I told you to drop off the glue, I made it clear to leave it in the front porch(at your convenience). Did you feel better about yourself, raising my children's hopes up?? What were you thinking?? Then you send this stupid email(of which I said nothing to Renee)....what did you hope to accomplish?? (Do you want to hurt them as much as you have hurt me??) You are no longer a part of their lives or mine for that matter, so go find some other girl to torture and keep on a string.

 

My children deserve someone who wants to be with their mother, through the good times as well as the bad and make her smile not cry. Hell, I deserve it!!!!!!

 

I have moved on, so please leave me alone.

 

This was his response -

 

I'm sorry for coming to your house and seeing the kids. I had forgotten that they would be there, but once I saw them, it was hard not to talk to them. It was not my intention to hurt anybody. That is not important, but for what its worth, I am sorry about showing up at your house and sending the email to Renee.

 

I hope sending the email was the right thing to do, and telling him I moved on (even though I haven't), but I figured it was the only way. Just in case anyone is wondering, it's probably going to send me into a tailspin if I find out he's out picking up other girls.(and yes I know it's over but it will still hurt)

[DN]

He knows where you stand. He also knows how to get in touch if he wants to get back with you. Time now for you to really move on and find someone who returns your love.

 

Have a great visit - and try to avoid the snowstorms!!

[Nathalie1970]

I don't know if I really want him back, we are so not compatible. He's jealous and controlling and verbally abusive, but for some odd reason I still have feelings for him. (I must be a sucker for abuse)

 

I know there are guys out there that will treat me better, but it's the courage to actually put myself out there to try. I keep saying I will, now I just need to follow through.

 

DN, where in ontario are you from???

[DN]

Mississauga - Hazel's country.

 

And if he is abusive then you definitely should not want him back.

[Nathalie1970]

I know, DN, I know.....my head says run like the wind but every single time I am about to take flight, he pops back and knows what to say or do.

 

I am so glad that I found this forum, it has made me realize that I am not alone and that there are people out here that understand what I am going through. I am hoping that because of this, I will be strong enough to say "Leave me alone" and stick to it.

 

 

 

Lived in Mississauga myself for a bit.....

[DN]

When you are feeling a bit weak about him, think about whether you would really want someone who is abusive towards you in any way around your kids on a daily basis.

[Nathalie1970]

I realize that he might be nice to them, but if he makes me cry or be upset then it does affect them. I have to keep saying to myself that I had a life before him and I certainly will have one after him.

[DN]

Yes, a much better one. Look forwards and not backwards because happiness is ahead of you not immediately behind you.

[Nathalie1970]

I am feeling a little bit blue right now, I just put the kids to bed and all of a sudden my thoughts turned to him. I was fine all day, making plans to join a dating company, thinking of what to do when I'm home....then bam here I am.

 

Why do I care what he's doing tonight, or who he's doing it with?? I have this awful pit in my stomach, I see tylenol pm coming to the rescue tonight.

 

I know he is no good for me, but why can't I get over this feeling??

[DN]

Can't explain those emotions. All you can do is let your rational brain take over for a while and follow your head and not your heart.