Convinced I was crazy

[Bizw]

Hello,

 

For the past 2 years I was convinced that I was the problem in our relationship. My girlfriend and I were together for 6 years, the last 2 were on and off but we never went more than a few days without talking. I'm 24 shes 21 so I admit were still both young but I guess I always thought we'd end up getting married.

 

When she was 19 she got a fake id, and started going out to the bars and clubs. Not long after tension began arising from this since she was always out without me. I'm not the controlling type but rarely was I with her when she was out and shes very outgoing/flirty and good looking, which I have to admit made me worry alot.

 

2 almost 3 yrs later shes still going strong at the bars and clubs. I understand shes 21 and thats what alot of 21 yr olds like to do at that age. I on the other hand am 24 so I've had a few more years and am ready to settle down a little bit. Not become an old man but the bar is not quite so novel anymore.

 

Over the past two years I was kind of put on the back burner, usaully are plans were dictated by when she wasnt busy going to the bar with her friends. More recently I would ask her to come over after school, my house is on her way home. Shed usaully tell me she just wanted to go home, but would often end up driving 30 minutes to a friends to go out to the bar in the city. Basically I felt like I was being put very far behind her friends. She kept telling me I was too sensitive and that it wasnt a big deal. I have no problem with her going out with her friends I just feel like sometimes I should be put first.

 

While I think you all kind of get the deal. Anyway we broke up again and she told me we just dont work. I tend to believe that its not so much us rather than the fact that shes in a stage in life we're she really couldnt be in a very serious relationship. I think any guy is going to want to be put first at least once in a while.

 

We've split up many times in the past two years at least 15 times and it all comes back to what I just told you, me wanting her to grow up and her wanting to party. I usaully go no contact after a few days and she tracks me down and we get back together.

 

While it might not sound like much but she hasnt called for 3 days now, longer than anytime I can remember. It sounds dumb but even though I wouldnt answer at least I'd know she just hasnt moved on already. Last time we saw eachother which was 4 days ago we both felt really close, but for some reason she isnt willing to give anything to be with me.

 

To be honest It hurts she hasnt called, maybe it was because she was out drinking all weekend and hasnt really thought about it. I know that this realtionship cant work right now and that really doesnt matter if she calls or not but I feel like shes already moved on.

 

I hope that I can stay in touch with her once I heal up because I think we both agree we're good together its just she isnt ready to quit being a party girl yet. How come people dont get back together down the road often, is it because once you heal you dont want to go back or that one of the people usaully finds someone else? Was I being to sensitive like she said or was I really being neglected?

 

Well maybe it was just good to get some of this off my mind, if you have any thoughts for me I'd really appreicate it.

[DN]

I don't think she is in a mind-set for a relationship right now. If I were you I would move on and look for someone else as soon as you can. It's tough but she obviously is not ready to give up the party scene.

[Scout]

What's more, it sounds like she could be on her way to becoming an alcoholic, if she will go out of her way so often to get to a bar.

 

Do you really want to be legally bound to someone who does not have her drinking under control? I know you love her...but just imagine what a life with a non-stop partyer would be like.

 

Frankly, it sounds like you two possess completely different maturity levels, and not necessarily because of the difference in your ages.

[Darketernal]

You are in what we call a 'lightswitch' relationship , on and off it goes. These are the kind of relationships that make no sense , because you already have the proof that you two cannot form a sensible stable relationship, there is absolutely no garentee or good sign that such will change in the future. It might sound strange but sometimes a less attractive female will be more suitable for relationships because she isn't getting hitted on by other boys all the time. I think you should jump out of the lightswitch relationship and come together with a girl that will actually 'invest' time and attention into your relationship and will put YOU as her nr.1 and not her friends, although spending time with friends should be allowed it shouldn't come first foremost before a SO.