so, I think I'm gonna end things.

[Blue Skittles]

Alright, I've been dating this guy for the past month. And, we haven't gotten into the serious stage yet, which is cool. I don't want to move too fast and all.

 

But its been confusing. We've spent a lot of time together, most of the time he is distant. And I talked to him about that, and he said he kinda has his guard up, he doesn't want to get hurt and all that. And I told him, just be honest with me, if you do not like me or you do not want to continue seeing me, just tell me. He reassured me he does like me, he just wants to move slow.

 

So, speaking of moving slow, we've already slept together. And I feel really guilty about the whole thing. I mean I was honest with him and told him I wanted to wait until we were more serious, and at least exclusive with each other, and we still did it. Hmm. So yea, after that happened, which was a little less than a week ago, I asked him if we were exlusive. Yea, I know that was a mistake. But I didn't want to continue with sex if I wasn't the only girl in the picture. And he told me he couldn't answer me. Until I explained to him what I meant by exclusive, being that we weren't seeing other people. And he said that he didn't want to date anyone else. And I don't know what the heck i was thinkin but i asked if it would bother him if i was dating other people. which I'm not even doing.

 

Anyways. That all went over ok, surprisingly, and then he kinda got clingy, then distant, then clingy. Different all the time. And its confusing me.

 

Which brings me to this point I'm at now, where I want to end things. ONe because of the distance. But there was also a couple situations. First of all, he ignored my messages tonite at work. But then he came by askin me where this one girl sits cuz she messaged him to go out for smoke and he was waitin for her. So I said "yea thats cool she just sits over there". I really didn't care in that moment. Until I thought about it. And then, my good friend wrote me this "prognosis" on the guy. My friend is always analyzing guys for me so I can decide if I want to date them or not. Hes a funny guy. Anyways, he wrote this all down on a piece of paper and gave it to me. He had stuff on there like he was still lookin around and can't trust him with a female friend, etc. And I was like "Ok, the rest of the stuff on here makes sense (he's always really accurate), but what about this stuff?" And hes like "well, there was something happened.." and i was like "what?" and he told me later, that outside havin a smoke - and he was totally checkin out this other girl, like watching her walk by and the whole bit. Which I'm cool with, if my bf wants to check out otehr girls when i'm not around go for it. But yet, I'm thinkin "He's really not all that commited to me, and maybe he is lookin around, and I really want to be with a guy that is thinkin about me and not how hot some other girl is" You know? I wanna be with a guy that is INTO ME...

 

Ok. So thats the craziness. But honestly. I think I deserve a little better here. I dunno. I guess I was kinda mad at him today. Not at anything he did, but I was just mad at him. So I was supposed to meet him this morning but I just went home and didn't even call to tell him i wasn't meeting him either.

 

I mean don't get me wrong, I DO really like the guy. I like him a lot, I wish things could work out. He never fails to call me, if I ever kinda take my distance and ignore him for awhile, he gets cuddly and can't stop tellin me how much he misses me. But I don't know, I just don't foresee things working out so great. Its too much work.

 

And the other thing I think I messed up on, which COULD contribute to the way he is acting towards me, is that I have a lot of male friends. A lot, and at work, guys are always flirting with me. And I mean I probably go out with 3 different guys a week, all friends though, and they all know I'm seein someone, but I think maybe the guy I'm actually dating would interpret it differently than what is actually happening.

[DN]

I think you have given this guy so many mixed messages that he must be totally confused. It's no wonder he is acting distant. You have pushed and pulled him in so many directions. Asking him to be exclusive, then asking if it would bother him if you saw other guys.Then you complain about how he flirts with other women but you flirt with other guys.

 

Seems to me he has done nothing that you have not done.

 

Time to decide what you want and ask him what he wants so you can either get this relationship on a better basis or give it up.

[PocoDiablo]

I think a few things:

 

One, you both hang out with people of the opposite sex, yet want someone who is dedicated to just yourselves. It's impolite (in my opinion) to be dating someone but hanging out or checking out other people. You both seem to be guilty of this.

 

Two, he seems very immature. Clingy, hugging you, pouring out his heart to you? It's more like he wants a mother than be a boyfriend to you. I'd advise you to dump him and find someone more mature. From what little you've told us here, it's pretty clear you're looking for validation on dumping him ... right?

[ocrob]

It seems that you are both so new to this relationship and no bounderies have been set. I think you both need to have a talk and figure out what your intentions are. You can either date non exclusively and see what happens or date exclusively and take things to another level. You have not been going out for very long. It does sound like you have sent mixed messages. It does not sound like you are sure if you want to be with him exclusively. If you do, then tell him. Say that you have decided you want to try to give things a shot and if he is not ready, then you will move on. I am guessing he likes you and is scared of getting hurt. It also sounds like you might hurt him. I don't think most people get exclusive so fast, but you need to do what makes sense. Maybe you don't bring it up and just hang out and see what happens. If you are not willing to invest yourself with him, then he has the right to keep his options open. I think a good talk is in order. You have to first decide how you feel about him. If you are not totally into him, but don't want him dating other women, then you are being selfish and the same applies to him.

[Blue Skittles]

Yea, you all have valid points. I guess the biggest problem here is that I am spinning out of control, in all aspects of my life, and lesson learned - i'm not ready for a relationship at this point. Just cuz I have no clue what I want. I'm just not sure if i should continue to hang out with him and hope that everything will settle down soon or should i just lock myself up in my apartment for 40 days until I figure myself out. I kinda like that idea actually. hmm. And seeing as how I am sick now I think i'm gonna be locking myself in my apartment at least for the next 3 days. maybe that will be enough time.