i broke it off and i'm so confused

[kmmm730]

my (ex)boyfriend and i were dating for a year and a little more than 2 months, and i just broke up with him earlier today (2/4/06). i am 16 (a junior) and he is 18(a senior twice). we fight ALL the time and Everyone i know hates to hear me complain about things with him all the time.. i love him so much but he tries 2 control me and puts restrictions on me.. when i'm out with my friends he gets jelious and gets mad when other guys are around.. i cant party with out him there with me, which i understand, but he can do it! its like im always scared to tell him who i'm hanging out with because i'm afraid he will get mad. well i am just fed up with it and i broke it off today on the fone.. he asked me to come over, but i sed no, because if i saw him in person i wouldnt be able to do it! i love him so much but i just cant take this relationship anylonger! now he wont stop calling me, and hes drunk right now and told me that its lame how i did it over the fone and how i got my wish and i shattered his heart and now hes gonna drink more and drive his car into a wall! i'm just so scared and now i feel like i've done the wrong thing. but everyone is telling me i did the right thing, ughhh! i know this is long but i need some serious help! please someone give me some good advice, i dunno what to do!

[fishrrshortae]

First of all, he sounds like he's trying to control you -- again. Threatening physical harm is NOT the way to win back your heart. Besides the jealousy and anger, this is yet another way for him to control you.

 

I hate to say it, but typically in these types of relationships, you need to hit rock bottom before you figure out that he's not the one for you.

 

Let me put it to you this way: You're both kids. 16, 17, 18 ... these years are not the time to be freaking out over a boyfriend. At your age you should be having fun, not getting too serious.. Did you think you were gonna marry this guy or something?!

 

Please, for your sake and everyone else's (it sounds like you're driving everyone nuts with him) don't let him keep controlling you. Change your number if you have to. I guarantee, Romeo will live. So will you.

[Bethany]

By threatening to drink more and drive into a wall, he is emotionally blackmailing you. Tell him your reason for doing in on the phone and that you were too scared to tell him in person becuase you knew he would react the way he is now and that when and if you will speak to him again it will be when he is sober but never again if he plays those dirty games on you.

 

And it's not right to be afraid to tell someone where your going and what you've been doing.... it's living in fear which is wrong. BIG RED FLAG!! It will only get worse in time and I think you did the right thing.

 

When and if you do talk, arrange a safe public place like a restaurant, or cafe. Say your piece and walk away.

[kmmm730]

thank you fishrrshortae and bethany, you both are right.. its so hard breaking up with someone you've shared everything with, and were together for what seems like eternity, i'm just sick of his control issues! thank u both so much!