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First, can I say 'Hi' to all of you who remember me when I posted as one who was desperately seeking answers? As I have mentioned elsewhere, I owe you all for every bit of input. It was a tremendous help to know that I was not going through the turmoil of break-up alone.


Then I wish to address those of you who have only recently come accross this site, this forum, seeking advice or answers. Of course, you are interested in answers to your own posts, but it will serve you well to have a read of what others have said. It will amaze you how many others have similar stories as your own. Like me, you will learn that you are not alone. Just as the name of this website suggests.


My story, very briefly, is that my wife of 22 years walked out on me for another, 20 years her junior. What made it more difficult for me is that I am physically disabled, and depended upon my wife for help with my care as well.


No doubt, as the day for lovers approaches, St Valentine's Day, many of you will turn your thoughts to the one you miss at the present time. There is nothing that I, or others, can say to prevent this if that is your desire. Ask yourself, though, will it do you any good or will it cause further pain?


Think about your past affair of the heart. What was the most important thing that you wished your partner to have? Was it happiness? You must try to accept that, no matter how you might be feeling right now, the one who has left you did so in search of their happiness. Some may have found it; some may *believe* they have found it; others might realise that they have made a mistake, and regret walking out on the person that loved them the most. Of the first two examples, many of you will have to accept the situation as much as you can, even though it causes you personal hurt. The third case is where I am at, and I don't care anymore.


Consider, if you would, the first time you left your parent's home. College, work, military (I am from the UK and that was my first time away from home, the Army when I was 15). How ever the day went, when the lights went out, were you not a little homesick? You probably were; after all, can anybody love you as much as your parents? You suffered but you knew that you had to go on to pursue your chosen career path. It was necessary for you to let go, as painful as it was.


Although it is not easy, you should look upon the present as a similar example. I hate to be the one to say this but many of you will know, deep down, that your loved one has gone for good, regardless of your yearning. And those that don't know for sure, perhaps it is wiser for you to give serious consideration to the fact that your love has gone for good.


Now I am not, for one moment, suggesting that you 'pull yourself together'. I know, from personal experience, that such a thing is nigh on impossible. Instead, give a thought to your 'ex'. He or she would not wish to see you lower your dignity to such an extent as to do nothing but weep. In the rarer cases where the 'ex' wishes to cause you hurt, then why give them the satisfaction of knowing they have succeeded?


Instead, think back to the time you first 'won' the heart of your'ex'. What sort of person were you that he/she fell in love with? Has that person been wiped off the face of the earth? Of course not. You are still yourself; and if you could attract the love of one person, you can attract the love of another. In some cases, you might even do enough to re-attract your 'ex'. For those of you that cannot or will not consider any alternative to your 'ex', you will never succeed in your quest by giving up your dignity and allowing your 'ex' to learn that you have become so dependent upon them that everything that he or she first fell in love with no longer exists.


You, and only you, can become strong again. Do it for your 'ex', if you like; but the bottom line is that you will be doing it for yourself. As you become stronger you will find it isn't so hard to mix with other people; friends, relations. And you will also discover that you are able to interest others with what you have to say. You will be able to make others laugh with you again. You will be of special interest to one particular person who wants to know you better (or even, for those who still wish it, the 'ex' might be intrigued).


One thing I know that you will have read about is needing time to recover. Everyone will take just as long as they need. However you must get through this as quickly as you can, for your own sake. That is why so much is made about the 'No Contact' issue, You do not need to be reminding yourself of your hurt; that is all you will achieve; re-newing the stage of relationship that has led to your present condition.


There are all kinds of ideas given in this forum on ways to help you help yourself. Reading, exercise, new hobby, whatever. You are the only one that knows what will work for you; but it is for your own good that you do it. Believe me, I know how you feel. I've been there, done it and got the T-shirt. I know it isn't as easy as writing about it; but I can tell you (and I am pretty sure others will tell you the same) you will go on from here with a better idea of what not to do next time; and grateful for the lessons you have learned.


Whatever your wishes for the future, I hope that you achieve them. But most of all, I sincerely wish you all a speedy recovery from your present setback.

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Every so often I read a post that takes my breath away. Yours was such a post. It is a masterpiece that will inspire any who read it.


I unfortunately missed out on your previous posts. If I had seen them, I would have been right there trying to help you through what has surely been a difficult time. And if you ever need anything else, I'm here. But I want to say that you are an inspiration and role model. You have been through a rough time, and yet your heart shines through and speaks volumes. You are a good man, truly remarkable.


I'm saving this post to pull out in times when I feel down and to pass it on in the future to anyone else who may be feeling down about a past relationship ending. Thank you for writing this.

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