Online dating, real thing or how to increase my chances?

[Süsser Tod]

Well, I'm not the most attractive man over the face of the earth (actually, quite a bit the contrary, or just my lack of self steem showing up early on the post).

 

Thing is, I work in the IT field, and @ work we are about 150 male engineers and about 10 females, and out of the 10, maybe 3 that I would consider dating.

Out of those 3, one is a newbie that I think I may have a chance with (I haven't screwed up, yet), the second one basically can't stand me and the third one seems to be going nowhere, she just likes attention.

 

Friends, well, I've never had many, and lost them when I was with my past GF (she wouldnt let me spend any time with them). So pretty much clubs and hanging out with groups of friends is out of the question for me.

 

Sooo, my third option is, gulp, online dating. By how things are I'm strongly considering giving it a shot. I went and thought about completing my profile, and then I realized, I don't have any pictures of me!!!

Only the obligatory bday pictures and stuff like that, and in all of them I look awfull (as I don't like anyone to take pictures of me).

 

Well, that and I'm overweight. When I met my now ex gf I was 160 lbs, now I'm at a whoping 200 lbs (and I dont' want to know if I've gained more).

 

So I need a flattering picture of myself, BUT, if the picture is too good, the other person may be disapointed once the time to meet comes.

 

Then, everyone's profile says they are the most outgoing persons, most sociable creatures on the face of the earth, etc. Somehow I can't believe that, and, I'm not exactly like that, so I think it is actually a little bit hard to filter all the missinformation from the facts on everyone's profiles.

 

Don't know, I have to give it a shot, I need advise on that, but also on the office girl.

 

Back to the office girl:

 

I have only crossed a few words with the new girl @ work, and the first think I looked for was a ring (thank God, there wasn't one!!!). How do I aproach her? Note 1

First time I talked to her she was at the cofee maker getting a cup of cofee (duh!) and she used the last disposable cup. I just said "Newbies are not allowed to use the last cup!" She got quite nervous, as I'm pretty sure she is already aware of my reputation of being an extremely rude and harsh person (don't know why, but I think that won't help). Obviously after that I said "Don't worry, just joking" and went my merry way.

 

Second time she was looking for the key for her desktop's drawers, there wasn't much of a convo, just said look at the number of the key and the drawer, and if you don't have a key with that number go ask XYZ for more keys.

 

Think I still have a chance with her, but I'm not quite sure. That and the attention loving girl sits quite close to the new girl, so it may create an akward situation.

 

 

How do I aproach this girl? I've thought about "Hey, what's your name, I can't keep calling you newbie?" or something among those lines, then maybe ask her to go for a smoke or a cup of cofee.

 

Don't know if she is nervous when I'm around me because of my reputation (which I kinda like, no one messes with you if they are scared about you), or if she may like me. But I also know I'm overanalyzing stuff that I dont' even know if is true or if it is just my perception.

 

Note 1: That is scary, actually I just realized now I'm up to the point where you have to check if the other person is actually married! Damn, I'm getting old.

[Scout]

Any chance you'd consider taking up mountain biking or some other kind of exercise to get yourself in better shape before you re-enter the world of dating? Because I think not only will this help you feel more confidently about your physical appearance, but also boost your mental mood as well.

 

I think people who work in IT end up spending way too much time on computers and being indoors, as it is. Maybe you should actually make some changes in your lifestyle first before you tackle dating again. It sounds like your self-esteem is a bit low at this point, and you need to be in a confident place when you're in the dating world - it really increases your chances of success when you have a more confident and optimistic mindset about it.

[Süsser Tod]

My selfsteem sounds low??? Wow, that is already good, as I've never had one! (joking

 

Dont' bring up therapy, I've been there, and only good thing it came out of that was an addiction to antidepresives (it was good for the drug makers, not for me).

 

As for excersise, I know. Being a team lead didn't helped at all, my working hours were awfull and I spent a lot of time @ work after my hours. But now that I'm not a lead anymore (moved to a different team) I will have time to workout. Only wish it were as easy to lose weight as it was to gain it!

 

Let me check if there is anything left of my bycicle or if it has rotten away

 

 

Anyway, selfsteem low or not at this point, if I want to have a chance with the newbie, it has to be soon (150 other guys in there make competition a little bit tough...)

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

Scout is 100% correct.

 

If, in the meantime, you would like to try online dating, there are places that offer professional photos that will enhance your look. Not enhance as in making you look better, but highlighting all of the handsome physical qualities you already have. You may not think this, but it makes a difference, definitely better than taking a photo in your local supermarket's photo booth or submitting Uncle Ned's tilted out of focus birthday snapshot from last year. The proper lighting and setting can do wonders. No harm in trying. Good luck.

 

Oh yeah, when I was in college, a friend of mine was smitten by a woman on campus. He wrote her a letter and finally went to talk to her. He spent a month getting the proper words together and striking up the nerve to approach her. When he finally did, she was extremely flattered. And I believe to this day that if it were not for the fact that she was happily married, they would've hit it off. ](*,) So get that little tidbit of info out the way before you proceed. Good luck!

[Scout]

Well, Susser Tod, you certainly have one thing going for you that bodes well for dating: a real sense of humor! And you sound very bright, too.

 

Please believe me when I tell you that most women really place a high premium on intelligence and an ability to laugh and make someone else laugh.

 

I suggest you just be smiling and in a nice setting in your picture. I tried online dating a bit, and actually posted pics that I thought were a little less attractive than how I viewed myself in real life. That way, I figured if someone responded, they'd be pleasantly, rather than negatively surprised when we met, lol.

 

As for therapy, I wasn't going to suggest that at all...didn't even occur to me. You sound very grounded, just a bit insecure - and after all, most of us are insecure in one way or another. Yes, even the "newbie" girl at your new job.

 

About the exercise, though...I'm not gonna let up on that recommendation. It will do you worlds of good, trust me. Lots cheaper than antidepressants, and also gives you boosted levels of whatever those good mood hormones are called.

[Bethany]

Self confidence is all you need. All the exercise in the world wont help until you decide that you worthy of loving. Everyone has someone out there what ever their size or shape. Love yourself, say to yourself 'I may not be perfect but I'm a good person with a good heart and I am worthy of love' and it will all fall into place, however ugly you feel or how fat your backside or stomach is. Everyone has something that someone else will fall in love with.