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I feel like such a loser


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Maybe your situation would be easier if you broke it down into more manageable pieces.


It seems that the easiest thing to address would be the debt. Are you making car payments? Maybe consider selling it and getting something used that you can pay for upfront, to eliminate that bill. Also look into student loan deferment- you might be able to buy yourself some time until you start a real career.


Regarding your social situation, there are some things you can do to get practice at socializing. You can volunteer, find a meetup group, join a club or a team. All of this stuff is free. What is it that you like to do?


It really doesn't matter that at age 26 you've had no experience with women; what you don't want to happen is to be 36, or 46, and be in the same situation. So now's the time to stop looking at the past and think about the present and your potential future.


You have to figure, people have cured diseases, invented things, and overcome obstacles far greater than the ones you've listed. Anything is possible and what you're setting out to do can be done quite easily if you're willing to make some tough changes.

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I'm 30 yrs old and I never had a date or a gf yet. I am still living at home and I have a dead end job, which I can't live off of. I am still searching for a full time job in my field but no luck yet. I also feel like life is passing me by so fast.. I don't have any friends, they all moved away. I don't date at all, I have tried online dating for a long time and no success. Every Fri and Sat night I always work the afternoon shift till 11:30pm, which sucks. I never knew my life would be like this.

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It really doesn't matter that at age 26 you've had no experience with women; what you don't want to happen is to be 36, or 46, and be in the same situation.


What's wrong with that? Some people go their entire lives without romantic and/or sexual involvement. There's more to life than love and romance.

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What's wrong with that? Some people go their entire lives without romantic and/or sexual involvement. There's more to life than love and romance.


I am simply addressing the fact that the o.p. has stated he is upset that he hasn't had any experience at age 26. It is perfectly reasonable for me to assume that if he is upset about this now, then he will be more unhappy if he continues this way and finds himself in the same situation at age 36. The statement was meant as a motivator, and nothing more, nothing less.


Further, while there is more to life than love and romance, most healthy individuals find and sustain relationships at some point in their lives. I would say there is possibly something wrong if they don't, or at least something worth exploring with a therapist.

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I empathize with a lot of you on this thread. When I was 25, I had never been kissed, very rarely if ever got to the second date (and went on an average of 1 date every 2 years), never had sex. I was absolutely lousy at reading men's signals and always had crushes on guys who were totally out of my league.


I understand why you are feeling bad about yourselves. There is a lot of pressure in society to live a certain way: to be outgoing, to have a great career, to live on your own, date a great person, etc. Sometimes you feel incomplete by not having these things. But what matters is not what you have or don't have in your life but what your outlook and take on it.


Maybe you aren't shy: maybe you're thoughtful and introspective. Lots of girls like this.


It only takes one person to get you from the sort of virginal "never done that" status to being a typical person with experience. I met my ex online three years ago (which got rid of the signals issue-- I knew he was interested in dating). From him, I got the impression that some (not all) people are nervous about dating virginal, innocent types because they don't want to be the first one to hurt them (emotionally). So you need to show your willingness to take some risks and take initiative. This will mostly make up for any uncomfortableness on their part.


At the time we met, my ex lived with his grandmother. At first, I was a little unsure about this, but I saw how valued and useful he was in her household. The point being-- don't just look at being in your parents' house as a negative thing. It's negative if your mom or dad is doing all of your laundry and cooking all your food, but if you're making a real, adult contribution to household chores, making yourself a vital person in that household, it's actually a really positive thing to see. I was glad to see he had a good relationship with his family.


And if your job sucks, or it's a dead end thing and you're just trying to pay the bills, well, welcome to adult life. We all have to deal with this kind of crap at some point. There's no shame in getting by. See yourselves as responsible, mature people who are trying to live up to your obligations instead of just slacking off. Don't assume that everyone thinks so little of you; most people really appreciate other people who are willing to bear down and work hard and not complain about it, especially if they think that willingness to work hard might suggest a willingness to work hard at a relationship.


Buck up, be a little brave, and start dating online. Maybe it will go somewhere, maybe it won't. Even if you end up going on 20 really lousy dates, it only has to work out once for you to end up with something good. Quit dwelling on your problems and start thinking about how nice it might be to hear from someone else about new and different perspectives that you've never thought of before. Get out of your own head. Don't overinvest emotionally in the first three dates, those are just getting to know you things.


So this is kind of a tough love e-mail-- I'm not perfect either -- all I'm trying to say is I've been there and if you make an effort to see yourself differently, not to put so much weight on the idea of the first date or the first kiss or the first time you have sex or the first relationship, then you'll both be more likely to get/do these things and more likely to have fun. And trust me, it's worth it -- even after terrible heartbreak -- it was worth it.


Good luck-- I wish you the best.

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