In love with younger man - SAD!

[brickchamp]

Hi everyone. I've been reading your posts, and I empathize with so many of you! I know what you're going through with your "age challenged" relationships. Myself? I'm 31/F (look & feel younger) and in love with a 19 year old...He started flirting with me a long time ago, and I knew he was attracted to me, but I also knew I was the "adult," and that I had to keep proper boundaries, which I always have. But what got to me was how I could make a comment, and he'd remember it a year later, or he picks up on my feelings or insecurities..much more so than my current partner (yes, I'm with someone, but he feels more like a brother to me, never had passionate love with him at all).

I see so many similarities in us.....he is so mature for his age...similar interests and sense of humor, but more importantly, similar difficult childhoods (which I'm much further out of, but still affects me).

Anyway, if he's in the same room, I literally feel like I'm going to pass out, my heart pounds so fast, I get all shaky....it's crazy. Does that happen to any of you? I try to avoid him, but if I look at him, he locks eyes with me....I think about him just about all day every day. I'm sure if I ever actually tried to have a relationship with him, it would be hell, but because I know I CAN'T have one with him, it is making me want him more! I have kept it to myself for quite awhile....but that's getting harder to do. I think he knows I have feelings now. I'm thinking he might be a little worried, because even though he started the flirting and conversations, he was just a teenager, and I'm a grown woman. And I've let myself fall totally in love! It is SO ridiculous!!!! But he seems to have feelings for me too...but he is 19! ARGH!

I'm a singer/songwriter, so at least I've gotten a lot of song material from my suffering. Not very upbeat songs though! Thanks for listening! Have a great weekend!

Any advice or input would be really appreciated! THANKS!

[Blue Skittles]

Ok. The age difference, COULD be an issue. Like you said, he is mature for his age, and you are obviously in love with him. So take things slow in this area. The biggest thing here is that you are with someone, but in love with someone else. I think you should deal with that situation before you become involved with the 19 year old.

[brickchamp]

Ok. The age difference, COULD be an issue. Like you said, he is mature for his age, and you are obviously in love with him. So take things slow in this area. The biggest thing here is that you are with someone, but in love with someone else. I think you should deal with that situation before you become involved with the 19 year old.

 

Thank you for the reply, blueskittles. I appreciate it. Yes, my situation is doubly difficult because of my relationship status AND the age difference. Things couldn't be worse. I feel stuck in the "bad" relationship, and I can't seem to stop caring about the other person....He may be moving soon, though, so I may not have a choice...well, I don't think I'll be able to stop loving him, but at least I won't see him, and maybe that will help.

I just make myself miserable because I wish things could be different....but I can't be younger, and becoming "unattached" could be messy. So I'll just be unhappy I guess. Sorry to be a downer!

[ScorpGrl72]

Seriously, I was married for almost 6 yrs and I was able to leave the situation that was not ideal for any person at all. You are never STUCK. You just have to figure out what you want. Would you still be interested in your current partner and would things be ok if you were not always thinking of this younger man? Maybe, maybe not. Only you know your situation, we can only go on what you tell us.

 

Good luck!

[ShySoul]

The first thing that needs to be resolved is your current relationship. Do you really love him and want to be with him? Can you talk through and work on what is keeping you apart? If you can't, then it may just be advisable to split up. If you aren't happy in the relationship (putting aside feelings for this other guy), then it isn't right or healthy to stay in it. It would be nice if you could work things out, and you should really try. But there are no guarantees.

 

As for the 19 year old, age is nothing but a number. If there is really something there, then provided the relationship you are in ends, take a chance on it. You may face problems, but if you believe it is something you should pursue, then pursue it.

[younger 22]

Hi,

I can really symphatize with you. I feel that I am in a similar situation. I am 43 years old, married and the man I am attracted to is 22 years old. I nearly lost all hope that my situation will change. I told myself that I will grow old and be stuck with my situation and that I needed to accept the monotony of my marriage. But one day out of the blue this young guy ask me if I could have lunch with him. We've never met, just talking on the phone and phone messages because I tried to buy a textbook from him. Anyway we've met and he sent a text message saying that he really enjoyed finally meeting me and would like to catch up again. I'm not sure if he really likes me, but our meeting gives me hope with my situation. Sorry for the long talk,all I wanted to say is that you are blessed because you are younger and he likes you too. For me 11 years age gap is not a big issue. He'll be over twenty soon. I feel that your future with this guy is promising. Although I was also really frightened of our age gap before I saw him, but when we went out, I feel that he was comfortable going out with me; we have the same interest and line of studies. I don't think age matters when you are happy and fullfilled. If I had a chance I'd rather spent the remainder of my lifetime happy, able to do things that I dreamed of with a younger guy than in the corner miserable with a guy of my own age. I always believe that God will always reward us in the future.

Cheer up!!!!!!

[younger 22]

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[Giggles]

well, i completely relate to you, even though my boyfriend is only two years younger than me, it still feels the same, see im at university and he is still only at high school, it's fine, really, but sometimes i feel gross, i mean he is still only a kid, even though he is a real gentleman and he's very sweet, kind, mature and loving, i sometimes feel... i dont know, horrible... im his first girlfriend and unfortunately for him, iv had one other boyfriend before (which ended horrible)

well, anyways, my advice to you is, if he makes you happy... and you know u make him happy, then go for it... even though i have my doubts with the whole age thing, i really do believe that for the first time im actually really happy with my boyfriend!

 

and besides... whats the worst that could happen? he'll turn you down? ull get over it

[emdragonfly66]

Life throws us curve balls all the time. I understand where you are coming from with the attraction. I have that feeling. I think of this "boy" all the time. My heart feels like it's crushing when I think of my life without him. Him and I have talked of this with each other. We know that somehow, someway, something will work out. I am resigned to the fact of having him as my younger bestfriend; just to be able to have this incredible person in my life. I am also in a relationship with someone else that has become stagnant. I have been honest with both of them about my feelings. I am opting to work on my relationship that I have already invested so much into. My heart hurts, but it feels like the right thing to do. Nothing is simple, especially when feelings are involved. Age knows no boundaries. Good luck.