I dont know if we are breaking up :-(

[bob_mckenzie]

I have been recently posting my thoughts on my situation. My girlfriend is afraid of the future and what it holds for us. It means me. We have been together for almost 3 years and we separated for about 4 months after a year or so together (she left me). She was uncertain of what my future was going to be and how i would mesh with hers. She is currently finishing up her masters and when she graduates she will be entering the workforce. I have recently obtained a new job that is paying good money and can potentially hold a good future.

 

Well we got back together about 1.5 years ago and we have swung full circle again. Us getting back together was unexpected. I didnt really ever expect to hear from her again. But naturally she came back just as I was getting on with my life lol. So anyways, I noticed that things were not quite right and I figured it was academic and just the pressures of school.

 

We talked a couple of nights and i insisted on knowing what the heck was really going on. She isnt one to really talk anyways, but her body language tells a really big story. Well she starts to cry and saying that she is feeling the same way she felt when we broke up the first time. I can literally feel my heartbreaking. We decided that we should not talk for a couple of weeks. Day 2 I was like this not cool for me. Why should I have to endure 2weeks of hell wondering if the girl I expected to spend the rest of my life with is going to leave me again.

 

We talked last night and she said that she doesnt want to break up but she is scared of what the future holds. Below the email that was sent to me after. I still feel as if things are still up in the air and it is really crushing me. I want to be by her side through whatever she is going through. Isnt that the point of a relationship? To comfort and be there when things arent going well or battling with uncertanity and to be there when the good things happen to? When we are together it is awesome - I feel like I am on top of the world. I see her sitting there on the couch, she reached over and hugs and tells me that she loves me. Curls up with me at every chance she gets. Loves to go out. But when she is alone these thoughts creep in and pretty much destroys all the good things and focuses on this one topic. "Uncertainy of what lies ahead"

 

I really love this girl in every way possible, but is this email telling me that she wants it to be over, or that she wants me around and by me making up her mind is me telling her that it is ok that she can go. I feel as if she wants me to tell her to go so she doesnt have to do it again. So then I say if you want this over then, lets arrange a time I can come get my stuff and then she gets upset and tells me that she doesnt want to. As it stands I think we are still together, but they may change the next time we talk. I dont feel like I should be pushing as mentioned I dont want to force any decisions. I just love this girl and I want to stay together.....I am so confused.

 

I need some feedback!!!

 

From her

 

I love you, and it breaks my heart to have those conversations with you. I mean it when I say that it feels like death...it does. I do want to be with you. I mean that... I hesitate because, as I said before, I know what it is like to be in a relationship where you're left with a nagging feeling that you're not enough...that you're not good enough...I feel like a horrible, sinful person asking you to just come back without acknowledging that I know this. I'm afraid....I don't want to make you sad...I don't want to hurt you... I want you in my life, but I curse myself for wanting you, because it means that I could hurt you again.

 

I want to snap my fingers and make this go away. I also want for you to make up my mind. I cannot tell you to go away, or that I want this to be over, because I don't.

 

I love you.

xoxoxooxox

[ocrob]

Wow, she definitely sounds confused. It does sound like she loves you so try to make it work. Reassure her that she does deserve you in her life and that you both make each other happy. I don't really know what else to say, but it sounds worth trying to make things work. Maybe you can set her mind at ease and just tell her not to worry about the future and to enjoy the present. Once things get stable again, the you can do the serious talking.

[Relationship Coach]

Bob,

 

The risks of entering a relationship are many but the rewards are even more. You need to try to accentuate the positives and help her overcome her fears. She's afraid of hurting you, OK what would lead to that? Get to the root of what obstacle or scenarios are making her feel like she will break it off with you once again. Reassure her that relationships do take work and you feel that true love can stand up to almost anything, excluding abuse and infidelity of course. She sounds very sincere and may be harboring guilt for the pain that she has caused you. She is asking you to make up her mind because she doesn't want to blame herself again if it fails. Don't play into this, she has to decide for herself as you do. Good Luck.

 

RC