Struggling a lot - need support!

[vickyviking]

Thanks for the messages I got to my last post, "so, so unhappy", they were so lovely! I have got to get around to replying to them, but will do soon.

 

I just feel like this pain will NEVER end! It's like I am really struggling to get up each day and get on with life. I am wondering whether to go back to the doctors again. I have a constant crushing ache which does not lift and I feel a shadow of my former self. I am still crying. I am really trying all the usual stuff of keeping busy, going out with friends, beginning a new interest, but I feel so down still. Nothing seems to help take the pain away! I miss him sooooo much, even though it has been three months (got this wrong as I thought it was four the other day!).

 

I am trying not to think too far ahead but I guess my friends will get fed up of me soon. I feel such an idiot! I must be driving my flatmate mad too

 

Anyone else feeling the same?

[romantic sweetheart]

I understand deeply what you are feeling at this very moment. The pain does not vanish away at our will. I know in our modern world, we are sometimes told that every problem can be solved in an instant--we can take a pill that makes pain go away in minutes, we watch sitcoms where problems are resolved in 30 minute segments, we are marketed all sorts of remedies that promise our health ailments can be fixed in mere moments of our time, etc....The problem is, the soul is not "keeping up" with the fast-paced world of instant everything...And it's a good thing, because there has to be something in this world that goes the pace of nature....And that is our hearts and souls......

 

It takes time to purge from our system all the complex feelings and longings we have had in attatchment to another soul. It is perfectly acceptable and understandable that you would still be grieving after three months. It's called "having a heart," and I can tell you have a big one. You cared about this young man. You loved him. He was the biggest part of your life for an important section of time, and that is no light matter.

 

It is right to grieve. Our modern culture sometimes appears baffled about grief, and appears to think that medicating away pain is the best solution. Nothing heals better, though, than time, than laughter, than the kind words of old friends, than the gentle hug of a trusted confidant, than a long walk on a summer's day. Nature, in all her wisdom, understood that the human soul and heart are fragile things. We don't just trust them to anybody--we hand them over to those we think will take very good care of them, and when our hearts and souls get broken, this is PAINFUL, and it requires time and patience to mend what has been damaged.

 

Do not worry that your friends will be impatient. Choose to be around those who can empathize....We sure can here at enotalone! So if it seems that perhaps no onis quite understanding, do not be afraid to come here and tell us all about it. Because we are all here for one reason: we need to heal. And we also need other's support. No doubt about it.

 

And that is exactly what you require--gentle support and quiet understanding.

 

Like you, I feel this heavy pain. It has been carving deep grooves in my soul, intense and unrelenting. But I keep hanging on, trusting in the mystery of life's processes, trusting that one day I will smile a little more and sigh a little less.....And I know you will, too. It is only a matter of time.

 

So be patient and kind with yourself. I once read a book that suggests we look at ourselves as little children. If a child were crying and hurt, what would we do? We would hug and console that little person. And so we must do the same for ourselves, as cheesy as that may sound. But it is true. Try to look at yourself as a beautiful child of God, and through the veil of tears, remember.......everything beautiful was born of pain.

 

So do not despair......Hold on, for life has you in its hands, and will never let you fall.......

[vickyviking]

Hi, thank your so much Romantic Sweetheart for your beautiful reply! I've just come home from work and had a good cry again. I find it makes me feel much better. I know exactly how you feel when you say the pain carves into you, it is doing the same with me.

 

I know the healing has begun and it is going to take time, but I do pray I will come through this a stronger person

 

Thanks so much again, it is such a relief to know that there are people out there who know what I am going through and really care.