Don't know if someone's into me-and what to do about it if they are

[sweetheart230]

I've been in a better mood and more observant and noticed that guys really do show interest. At least I think they do. I've been friendly toward them, but contact has been really brief and i'm a little sick so its hard to be super nice to someone when you're coughing in their face.

 

The thing is, all the guys I've been involved with in the past have been super aggressive. Like one guy I met on a train asked me to sit with him 2 seconds after I met him. And another guy I met at a party asked me to hang out without any indication that I wanted to at all- and then when I said no, asked again till I said yes.

 

So unless a guy is beating me over the head I don't know if he really likes me or not-- or what to do about it. Nicer guys tend not to be that confident- meaning they don't pursue me without any indication that I'm interested (which the other guys i've dated have done). Physically, I'm really intimidating I think. I have large breasts, full pouty lips (that look like I'm frowning unless I have a big smile on my face) and high cheekbones that make me look kinda * * * * *y i think. One guy asked my roomate why I always looked so pissed and she was like "what are you talking about? She was in a great mood and having so much fun tonight" and from then on he would always tell me to smile when we saw each other.

 

No one in their right mind wants to think someone' sinterested in them when they're really not. But I don't know. This one guy sits next to me all the time, but maybe he lieks the girl ont he other side of him. He never talks to me, except for the one time I had to ask him a hw question and we talked for a couple min. When I said something to soemone else, he looked up as if he thought I was talking to him so at least he noticed me I guess. But he seems really confident so if he was interested I feel like he'd have made it more apparent. Although when we were supposed to partner up he looked at me and I sort of ignored him- so he partnered with the other girl, who he has talked to once or twice briefly, but isn't as cute as me and is just as shy (maybe I make him nervous...maybe not, I dunno). And another guy in my class was studying as I passed him and walked up to me later and asked me a hw question I think he knew the answer to (I didn't even know he was in my class). And a guy who came into the store I worked in seemed really interested (asking me dumb questions that he didn't seem to care about the answer to, getting a little nervous and laughing my dumb jokes, flirting a little) but he just left so maybe not. There are other instances, too, but I don't want to write a book here.

 

So what I'm saying is, I don't know if a guy is interested. And if he is, what the hell am I supposed to do about it?? I don't want to embarrass myself if guys really aren't interested in me, but I don't want to miss opportunities if they are.

 

Sorry, guys. I know I'm perpetually confused about everything.

[tmp0620]

"But I don't know. This one guy sits next to me all the time, but maybe he lieks the girl ont he other side of him. He never talks to me, except for the one time I had to ask him a hw question and we talked for a couple min. When I said something to soemone else, he looked up as if he thought I was talking to him so at least he noticed me I guess."

 

It's definitely possible that he's interested in you. There was a really pretty girl in one of my art history classes who sat all alone on one side of the room (there weren't many people in the class), so after a couple of days I went over and sat near her, but I couldn't think of a good reason to say something to her, and I didn't want to look like an idiot so I just sat there hoping she would talk to me. I'm not a confident guy but I'm pretty sure I'm good at faking it. What I'm saying is... I did pretty much the same thing that guy did and I WAS interested in the girl.

 

If you think there is a chance a guy is interested and you think you could be too, talk to him. You don't have to announce your interest, but if you think of any good reason to talk to him take it.

[ocrob]

It seems to me that you should not be asking, if a guy is interested in you, but if you are interested in them. If you are interested in a guy, then make yourself approachable. There have been so many women in my lifetime that I did not approach because I was afraid of rejection. I have loosened up a lot and now don't really worry about it. If you show interest in a guy and he is interested, then he will show it. It is so awesome when a woman initiates contact. Who cares if guys are interested unless you are. Women have a lot of control and I think that you should use it to your advantage. I am only saying that if you are interested, then say hello and talk to that person.

[Kevin T]

My, you sound like quite a catch. You can use that to your advantage. If you have confidence in yourself (and appearance) then will be in a better position to initiate conversations with guys. "But that's not traditional, blah, blah, blah." So what? Just because a women makes the first move and starts talking to a guy whom she believes may be interested in her in no wise makes her any less of a woman. By no means. If anything, it means she knows what she wants, and goes after it. People will commend you for your courage.

 

What I am saying is, you have no reason to be so anxious about this. I'm sure most men would be thrilled if more girls took the initiative for a change. Just learn to believe in yourself more.

[sweetheart230]

A catch? haha, well, sometimes I think so. Anyway, thanks for the replies. I gotta try being more open and talking to people. I did think about it, and most the guys I've really liked have been open and made me feel comfortable.

 

It's just hard to break patterns sometimes. There's so much uncertainty and I like to be in control of things. But I have to let go of fear sooner or later.

[LS Boy]

thats mostly how all chicago guys are.....but for some reason, all girls falls for it. and leave guys like me on the side of the road.

[sweetheart230]

Cause we're shy and think guys like you aren't interested. We're scared of rejection, too.

[Kevin T]

From what I've learned from my studies with psychology, women are pickier than men and are more likely to not accept a date with a guy. Men, sadly, tend to be a little less selective and will do just about anything for a sparkle in a women's eye, or a curve in her hips. Women, however, tend to seek quality, not quantity. So there's probably less chance of a women being rejected than a man. (Probably, not always.)

[walkingwithaghost]

are you on crack? these are just guys, random * * * guys. even if you do embarrass yourself who cares. i didnt once hear you say this particular guy is really great because of this and that. you just seem incredibly desperate for attention and i can tell you no matter how pouty your frowning lips or large your enormous breasts are desperation is an even larger turn off. you need to not view them as gods, theyre just guys, mostly pathetic losers. they need to notice you, not you notice them. if you are so hot and guys are interested they will approach you don't worry about it. you need to focus on being interested in a guy not getting every guy interested in you. also blond hair makes you look a lot friendlier.. and always smile...

[Kevin T]

Geez, you're almost rude. (Almost...?!) Anyway, you can't say that if guys are interested they'll just approach her. A lot of guys (the ones around here especially - will vouche for what I am saying) are shy and won't necessarily do squat without first being shown some form of interest on her part. So she shouldn't just sit back, do nothing and expect men everywhere to start fawning all over her. Not all guys work like that. (Although if she wants to adopt that strategy, I am by no means going to try and persuade her otherwise, but...)

 

And since when does being a blonde make one look "friendlier"? Never heard that before. *shakes head*

[sweetheart230]

walkingwithaghost-- I know I have to smile more. That's the one thing I really need to work on.

 

I'm not desperate for male attention. I get a lot of it. I'm assuming guys wouldn't stare at me and tell me I'm beautiful if I wasn't attractive. It's not like I dress trampy or act easy or anything. But I'm really freaking shy. I don't smile and I'm scared to flirt. When they approach me, I don't know what to do next. I guess smiling would be a good start. Thanks for the reminder.

 

Blond hair does make you friendier. But I'm asian. I used to have blond highlights but it damanged the hell out of my hair.

 

Yeah, I know from a lot of my guy friends that a lot of them need the girl to at least show some indication of interest first. I don't. But I'm going to start smiling at least. Baby steps.

[jurupa]

For one thing having blond hair doesn't make you friendier necessary. I know I am a guy, but blond hair is not for everyone. I have seen asain girls with big breast that are friendly and approachable becuase they wear clothes that make them "open" and their body langauge says that they are friendly and don't mind being approached.

 

sweetheart230 the next time you go to school try wearing a bright top (it doesn't matter what it is, just as long it goes with the days weather and makes you look good) and either black pants or light pants, as far as shoes go I will leave it up to you. When you see a guy looking at you or "checking you out" just give a small smile to the guy and nothing else (its best to take baby steps). Once you feel contfronable with this, if you find the guy interseting then check him out with your eyes while you smile. When you get to this point you should have relax some ( shyness tends to bring on tense body langauge) and will help you see guys that are interested in you easier and make it easier for guys that are interested in you to approach you easier.

 

Just keep on doing this and you will find your self more contfrontable and relax and find flirting easier. Also going back to the clothes, try and wear clothes that show off your personality as it will make it easier for guys to read you since you said your face seems that your frowning, when infact your in a good mood.

[walkingwithaghost]

oh youre asian? that changes everything. (im not being sarcastic) a lot of guys really like asian girls... some of these men are timid and have issues with female sexuality cause asian women are stereotyped to be demure and modest. (im sure you know that) gee your problem is a bit more complex then. cause if youre asian and even a little shy people will assume youre entirely shy. but guys do really like asian girls.

 

 

also to to the haters, i have blond hair and ive had brown hair (but it got lightened by the sun) hehe and ill tell you the world thinks they own you when you have blond hair. everyone talks to you like they know you. ppl are socialized to respond this way. ive lived both so please dont tell me how a hypothetical guy may respond to a hypothetical girl.

 

and i think its obvious this chick does not go for intelligent neurotic shy guy types like you all seem to be. shes mostly talking about random guys she'd like to flirt with to make her day more interesting. in college, if a guy likes you in college and you seem interested HE'LL APPROACH YOU (no offence but youre all way out there and are not at all indicative of the mass population). this happens in college cause there are so many ppl and noone really cares. at a party if youre rejected theres like a bunch of other ppl to choose from so who cares.

 

sorry if i was rude but she annoyed me cause she gives dumb guys credit they are not due. and i was only mad cause i hate to see her get upset with herself because of some dumb guy.

 

do not get embarrassed around guys, flirting means nothing. if you say something stupid and a guy likes you he will think its cute. i promise. theyll just laugh. good luck.

Laura

[renaissancewoman101]

That is one thing I dislike about being an Asian girl, everybody makes the assumption that ALL Asian girls are shy and demure. I am shy but demure, I am not so sure. I've been told that in order to attract guys, one must give off the signal that they are available and open to flirting. Hell, I dont know. I've never been good with flirting and I probably wouldnt know if a guy was into me or wanted to flirt with me, unless someone hit me with a 2x4, ha ha!!!

 

Question for other girls, when you go out, how do you notice if a guy is looking at you or into you, aka wanting to flirt with you or noticing you from a far?? I have a hard time ever picking that up. Most times, when I am out, I either am out by myself or I am with my best friend and his bf, but they have noticed that guys are attracted to me, esp if I dress well and am in an upbeat mood that day. My best friend will point it out to me, and I, like the clueless moron, will be like, oh yeah. I cant seem to sense it. How can you girls pick it up or are there methods to be open to picking up signals like that.

 

As you can tell, dating and flirting is not my forte