What makes resentment subside?

[blueyes25]

Just wondering what makes resentment start to go away after an argument? or in my case after fighting for what feels like a month straight? Any ideas? How can you finally let it go? What makes someone not feel resentment anymore? Any opinions?

[annie24]

are you talking about your bf?

 

Maybe take a romantic weekend getaway....

[RayKay]

Just deciding to let it go.

 

Not bringing it up anymore or rehashing it. Resolving the issues together in a mutual way, where you are both happy with the outcome and don't feel you "sacrificed" just to please them..but you both walk away winners for strengthening your relationship and learning more about each other. Where you both listened to one another and heard what they felt and cared about that.

 

Reconnecting - going on dates, or getting away for a few days, having fun together.

 

You have to BREATHE, and EXHALE, and let that past and resentment go with the exhales.

 

If you feel the resentment rising despite all of this, take 10 minutes and just breathe...do some meditation or yoga, or go for a run or bike ride...and channel it in other ways....for a while just to calm down and not blow up. And then decide whether that resentment is justified, or you just feel like you are not heard, or you are just wanting to be "right" rather then solving things for "the both of you". Is the resentment you feel really resentment, and is it fair?

[DN]

Just wondering what makes resentment start to go away after an argument? or in my case after fighting for what feels like a month straight? Any ideas? How can you finally let it go? What makes someone not feel resentment anymore? Any opinions?

 

By resolving issues in a way that allows both people to feel that their position was listened to and respected. If one person feels they 'lost' the argument that is bound to cause resentment.

 

A very successful sports and entertainment agent, Mark McCormack, said that the best business deal is where both parties make a fair profit. Same applies to relationships, especially when resolving conflict.

[blueyes25]

Yes, I am talking about my b/f. Thanx for your input What about him resenting me? I guess there is really no way of knowing how or if another will let go of resentment, huh?

[Dako]

Deciding the resentment is doing you no good and stealing your life. Seeing those feelings as the enemy instead of the other person, separating them into two different issues.

 

That keeps me from going bitter.

I still get angry, but not at her.

[DN]

Yes, I am talking about my b/f. Thanx for your input What about him resenting me? I guess there is really no way of knowing how or if another will let go of resentment, huh?

 

Not to keep belabouring the point - but if you have both dealt with the conflict properly there should be no need for either of you to feel resentment.

 

Don't misunderstand me - arguments and rows happen. People lose their tempers and say things in the heat of the moment. But don't leave it there. Once hings have calmed down, revisit the issue and get it resolved so that there is no need for resentment.

 

Be as proactive about conflicts as you can - not reactive all the time.

[valenski]

I remember when I broke it off with my ex the first time, I resented her so much I got back with her for revenge, I wanted to know the pain I was feeling but things took a turn when I saw that my heart ache was the real source of my anger and I was hurt because I loved her unlike I've ever loved anyone before. After I realised that, my anger just went any, then later my pain dissolved and my last words as I left were you'll never understand what you just missed out on, today she is still oblivious to what I said.

[the yang to the worlds yin]

By resolving issues in a way that allows both people to feel that their position was listened to and respected. If one person feels they 'lost' the argument that is bound to cause resentment.

.

 

but what if one person refuses to work it out, only wanting to stop the topic?

[DN]

Then you decide if the issue is unimportant and can be left alone without resentment or you decide to tell your partner that refusing to talk about it in a calm and reasonable way is seriously jeopardising the relationship.

[the yang to the worlds yin]

it is seriousely jeopardising the relationship, but he feels it's unimportant everytime and just blows it off. and i'm left feeling like my feelings were totally unaccounted for.