If it's over why lie?

[hellokittykitty]

I'm sure some of you have been following my posts. My ex broke up with me last saturday telling me he needed time to figure things out in life and couldn't be in a relationship with me or anyone. He told me he still wanted to keep getting to know me, spending time with me and that he didn't want to loose what we have, especially our communitcation. He then went on to make plans for this week & this weekend with me.

 

*** Keep in mind - this was HIM talking, I wasn't saying a word ***

 

He never called, I felt stood up in a sense. He seemed sincere, and I've never known him to purposely hurt people. He usually gives people the benefit of the doubt, even when it's obvious people are telling a lie to him.

 

Anway, I kept NC for 4 days, we have tickets for a concert this weekend. I was calling to let him know I am giving away the ticket if he doesn't want to go... I called him and left a message to call me back... he hasn't called.

 

I guess he wa never sincere and he was lying about what he wanted from me...

 

I understand if you can't or don't want to be in a relationship ... but someone please tell me why you would feel the need to say all the extra stuff about still spending time with me, wanting me to hang out with him and his friends, etc.... why not just end it?... what is the point????

 

I feel let down again and now I am angry and heartbroken. What do I do now?

[RayKay]

He might just have a different definition of "getting to know you" and "being friends".

 

Or he may have been feeling guilty.

 

Or felt pressure from you to say the right things, even if you did not ask.

 

Or he changed his mind after thinking more about it.

 

Or he met someone else.

 

There can be MANY reasons. It does not mean he purposely intended to hurt you, and when he said it he may very well of intended all he said but realized later it could not be that way.

 

You have to see that as friends....there is generally a looser communication and responsibility. Unless you can accept that you are not a priority, it's best to not remain friends at this point until you have really moved on.

 

I think likely you will hear from him again, but you need to ask yourself are you really content in this type of "friendship"?

[merickso]

I think that often times the dumper will say various things like that (still want to get to know you, etc) to make the current conversation go easier. No one wants to be blunt... I had my ex crying to me last night saying she was sorry and I asked her to tell me if she honestly feels that we will ultimatly be together - she said yes but her eyes said no. I guess its only natural for people to want to say the things they think the other person wants to hear.

 

anyway, those are my thoughts and I know what you are going through.

[hellokittykitty]

it hurts, my ex doesn't usually lie... he has stayed friends with former exs - once he's broken up with and others who have broken up with him... but I thought our situation was a bit more mature... we're both 28.... I guess he's a lier and a jerk after all

[hellokittykitty]

My ex called today. I thought it would be really weird talking to him and it was at times but all in all it went okay. We are gonna go ahead with our plans for this weekend. I am a little scared and i hope I can be strong enough and keep it together... I just want a relaxing and nice day together... no deep conversations just yet. anyway... wish me luck... just thought Id update you all.