No Contact is Impossible, Ironically..

[Amore]

I'm dealing with quite a frustrating situation here. My (ex)boyfriend of a year and a half broke up with me a little over a month ago because we went to separate schools this year and he felt he didn't see me enough, and thought I'd be happier with someone I see every day. I was devestated when he broke up with me because no matter how far away he lived or how often I saw him, I still loved him. But I knew I had to accept the break up, because I couldn't be with someone who "only 100% loves me when he's with me," as he's said to me.

 

At first, I started NC, which required no explanation on my part as he broke up with me on AIM and he ignored me when we got together with mutual friends. The problem is that a recent after-school club competition involving both of our schools has forced us to see each other at least once a week, if not even more. We had both unknowingly signed up for the same project, and basically had to compete against each other to see who's project was better. In the end, turns out that we agreed we have to work together in order to do the best.

 

Now, from the outside, this looks great. My ex, who used to ignore me completely, is now working cooperatively with me on a project where we've admitted we need each other to do well.

 

But I'm not over him, the NC didn't last long enough for me. I still have thoughts of us getting back together floating in my head, and I know I won't completely move on if I'm seeing him 3+ times each week and talking to him online every night about our project. I try not to contact him first, but if it's an important question about the competition or leaving plans about what our friends are doing that night, I really have no choice.

 

I get so much false hope from when he sends me an IM first asking for my academic help on something completely unrelated to our project, (My first thought is "He still thinks I'm smart.") or when he slips up and calls himself my boyfriend ("He must still be thinking about us") or teasing me about a guy who likes me and knows that I don't like back ("He wouldn't tease me if he didn't care.")

 

I'm driving myself crazy with hope, because first of all, his main reason for breaking up with me, that we don't see each other enough, is completely untrue now. And every little smile he gives me, IM he sends, joke he makes, gives me false hope and I know it's bad for me, but the NC I need is impossible.

 

I'm sorry this has turned into a novel, but I'd appreciate any advice I could get. Thanks!

[evy38]

The experts would tell that if you really want to get over him, you get yourself out of the situtation forcing you to stay in contact. For you, that would mean changing partners or leaving the competition and trying again when he isn't part of it.

[Amore]

The first competition is this Saturday, and if we move on, the next competition won't be for another month or so. I want my school to do well because we definitely have the potential to, and I don't want my past love life to hurt our chances. There is no time to change partners, but even so, the other partner I would have worked with is a friend of mine who is, to say the least, close to obsessed with me; he asked me out 3 days after my break up... both are uncomfortable situations.

[evy38]

Then I would compete another year, if you can't get over him emotionally.