It's Hard but im trying!

[MessedUp]

Hey guys, i haven't posted for a week and just wanted to share with you some of my feelings over the days. I hope everyone's good and getting through whatever tuff times they have right now.

 

Well the rollercoaster ride of emotions continues. Last time I posted I was really mad and frustrated and I felt like I had no hope to continue on, but that has went away through out the days. I am starting to feel better again, not dwelling to much into the past but focusing on a future without my ex girlfriend. But im not going to lie, it is very hard. Somtimes I cant turn my brain off and I go into deep thoughts of how we were together and how much she once loved me so much. I guess the confusion of how she once loved me like crazy and now living like I didnt exist still bothers me a lot, and like I said before this is what I tend to think about more than actually missing her physically. I just wish she could miss me and hurt for me as much as I have for her, but I have learned that you cant make people feel the way you want them too. So basically I am trying to move on and forget about her. I am talking to some girls now that i'm interested in, but I catch myself comparing them too much to my ex and when they dont meet the qualities I feel more bad. I dont know how to stop doing that. But like I said im trying to move forward. But sometimes I do have my setbacks. Especially when my dad gets mad at me for still thinking about her. He says that its been 4 months and enough is enough. And that kinda makes me feel worse because I feel like im taking way too much time getting over her.

 

I still havent blocked her on msn, but I have very little contact with her. I dont message her or anything. And if she messages me then i dont respond. I guess what im trying to do is get her thinking about me again. I feel she might wonder why im not talking to her when she messages me and thats what i want. She messages me every now and then on msn with joke messages but I havent responded in like 2 weeks. Im not gonna lie, I still feel like some hope is still there especially since our last conversation on the phone. But again she said shes happy right now with her new bf and she cant talk about us anymore right now. But I do catch myself wondering if I should go visit her at work and surprise her and see if any feelings come back. I know for a fact she is still attracted to me, but I know there is very little chance of her coming back. And I also tell myself if she wanted me back then she would make a move because she knows how i feel and i've been making all the moves. So that kind of disappoints me I guess.

 

Any ways guys thats all I can say for now but I would love to hear your comments and advice..Thanks for reading and I hope your all well

[deejay74]

i shoulda read this post before i just made mine in my other thread. i feel identical to you. i, too, can't understand how my ex just acts like i don't exist either.

 

and i know what you mean about comparing other women to your ex. i've been doing that too but i try very hard not to.

 

i guess it's normal to be going through this.

[Relationship Coach]

Both of you guys.....Healing takes time! How long were you guys together with your GF's? There is history, memories and many things scrambling around in your heads right now, like * * * *roaches(the word before roaches is in no terms used as a profanity) when someone flips on the kitchen lights. Part of the healing process is realizing what was then and what is now are two separate parts of your lives. Hope can be your worst enemy and I mean that in the nicest way. We all cling to hope until it consumes who we are and the next thing you know you're a zombie! Your father hates seeing you hurt and trust me at one point in his life, he was in your shoes. It may not seem like it but he means well.

 

People handle break ups differently and there those that just disappear. It does not mean that there wasn't anything there or they don't care, it means that they can't look at the 3 car fatal car wreck as they pass by. Others want front seats and souvenirs. Be thankful that they are not constantly contacting you and giving you up dates on how they are doing and who they are dating. Let go of them as they have let go of you. Good Luck.

 

RC

[heloladies21]

All of these feelings are very normal, but the most important thing is to keep your emotions under enough control so you don't make any stupid actions like contacting her or allowing contact.

 

As soon as she got with this new man (honestly as soon as she even started considering a new man) it was the point of no return. No chance you two would ever get back together and have it work out. She throws out these feelers just to see if you're still around "just in case" she changes her mind, but it never materializes into anything serious.

 

Don't listen to your dad and don't feel guilty, these emotions will die down eventually and will be completely gone one day. Stay in NC and do your best to keep movin on.

[MessedUp]

I appreciate the posts...see the thing is in my case, we were friends for a month and then we only went out for 3 months? Like thats why its bothering. Yes this was my longest relationship and it was my first love. But it just hurts when people say 3 months is nothing and that she never really loved you if shes moved on. I mean really, its been 4 months and counting and I cant shake her off my head. It just really hurts when she says things like we have to move on and find somebody whose better for us, when the previous week she was telling me that there was nobody better than me for her. One little argument about not seeing her as much as I wanted to and she snapped and said she couldnt take it. The reason I have her on msn is because when she messages me just to say hi, I dont respond and I exit her message, and that kind of gives me some strength because Im trying to show her like "yea I dont need you anymore" and I want her to wonder why im not messaging back. Stupid way to think I know, but its very hard to let go of hope. Especially when she went from saying we'll never be together again to saying I dont know what will happen in the future but I cant talk about it cuz its not fair for my new bf. I just wish she could see me. I havent seen her in about 4 months, but I know if she sees me than maybe something will come back. And she said we'll hang out again in the future, but sometimes I wonder if i should go into her work and surprise her..UGH see this is the hope and emotions coming back..Its so hard for me to cut them off..

[deejay74]

i hear what you are saying RC. i am just not really prepared for the ups and downs after i made some real progress. i was hoping that i would continue to keep moving forward, even though i read on here that it's possible that one may fall back. i wasn't prepared for it to be so soon though. i think you know my story with regards to my relationship. it was pretty intense for the both of us and we almost moved in together. even my last ex gf still called me to see how i was doing but this current ex is different.

 

i dunno, as i said, i just like to keep progressing and not regress.

[Relationship Coach]

And you will as long as you put yourself first.

 

RC

[valenski]

I always say, with all the advances in modern medicine there is no pill for a broken heart. Concentrate on healing that broken heart like RN said and dont worry about what others say take all the time you need. Be strong and stay away from your ex, besides if your ex felt the way you did wouldnt you still be together? think about it.

 

Keep the faith, hope is a good thing but its not the best thing right now.

Good Luck.

[octopus]

Just a note about what your dad said. Don't get me wrong, I love my parents and they are great, well educated people. But maybe not in emotional issues.

 

I saw them 3 weeks after my break up, and all they told me was to give it time, to forget him, etc etc. They never said emotional healing is a process, it is proven, there are papers,books written on it, it goes in cycles, ups and downs. It goes in denial, numbness, anger, pain, hatred, indifference, acceptance etc...These are all expected, all natural, they will all help you advance in the path to healing and moving on. It's ok to miss him, it's ok to want to get back together - it's a natural reaction to losing someone you love.... I hears all these from the counselor I've been seeing (besides enotalone.com) and I went to her initially as a relationship counselor; then a poster in this forum pointer out i did not have a 'relationship' anymore!

 

Anyways, what I want to tell you is, getting professional help, helps. Time, helps. Know that until we completely heal, all these are normal and they are expected, and there is a way to deal with each feeling, good or bad. Don't blame yourself for anything you are feeling; just don't feel weak and contact your ex.

 

Anyways, you'd think after reading this, i've 100% moved on, but I have a post from 2 days ago that I couldn't stop crying and I turned my phone off and hid it so as to not call him and beg for another chance. Today, I realize and acknowledge that he's chosen to not have me in m y life anymore, and yes it hurts like a * * * * *, but what can I do? I have to take it one day at a time...

 

Unless the request to get back together comes from the dumper, nothing will change.

 

Hope you'll have more UP days than DOWN days waiting for you . You're not alone.

[MessedUp]

Thanks for the encouragement guys...I hope everyone is ok while going through there own emotional train wrecks. Its nice to know in a sad way that there are people who are going through this too..

 

Like I said I am doing better some days. I have been eating more as my appetite seems to be back and I am forcing myself to stay focus on my school more. It just really bothers me when I think back to how this girl was once so in love with me and couldnt live without me. And now shes without me and it seems like shes having a great life, especially with her new bf. Like it sucks when the other person tells you that you have to move on too and find somebody better when they use to say that your the only one for them. And it hurts even more when I tell my ex girlfriend that I have been on dates with different women and she tells me thats good because I need to move on. But before she use to say that she would die if I ever saw another girl. Those are the things that I think about and hurt about the most. Just the fact that her feelings changed. But everybodys telling me that shes too young to know what love is, shes only 17, and that I cant force people into feeling the way I do. So I guess I have to live with that. I know time is the only way, but I have a really stubborn mind, and sometimes it doesnt click that its over and I feel as though I should do something to win her back, even if she has a new bf. But then I stop myself because i've practically done everything I can from begging to guilt tripping her back. Right now it seems that she doesnt want me and thats what hurts. But I am trying to move forward, it just clicks in my head time to time, especially when almost everything reminds you of her. And I do not contact her at all. As i said earlier she either messages me or calls me, she hasnt called in 3 weeks, and I havent seen her in 4 months. But I am starting to ignore her messages cuz I am trying to make her think about why im not answering back even though I agreed to be friends and told her to message me when she wants to talk to me. I know I should block her but I guess I get some strength when she does message me and I dont respond back. It just bothers me when I see love movies and it seems as though the dumper always returns back to the dumpee, but in my situation it hasnt happened. Im the one that kept pursuing her, but I have stopped now. I also think about how some of my old old ex girlfriends kept calling me when we broke up and wanting to get back together and I just didnt wanna talk to them. And this gets me thinking like i've turned into them. I use to hate when my ex's called and laughed at them when I hung up the phone, and now I wonder if shes doing the same?

[healinginnyc81]

It's really tough to accept that feelings can change. I've been asking myself over and over the same questions: How can someone say they love you and want to be with you forever and then a week or a month later be saying that they don't want to be with you anymore? But we all know feelings change over time.

 

Look at it this way, though. Right now we feel hopeless and we think we'll always feel this longing and this pain. But feelings change so we can be sure that these feelings will fade too ... slowly and painfully but fade they will.

[MessedUp]

thats a good way to look at bkjsun...i guess we should stop thinking about how their feelings changed and start accepting it..i hope your doing good...I just wanna know your honest opinions. Dont you guys think that its too crazy that im still thinking about my ex girlfriend after 4 months, and now im moving into the fifth month, and it was only a 3 MONTH relationship. Like its taking more time to get over the relationship than the actual relationship. That just worries me alot

[Dako]

That depends how much you cared and how much you expected from the relationship. I know a fellow who still feels a loss for a girl he dated 30 years ago before he got married.

[MessedUp]

i really cared about her, and like i said she was the first girl i actually said I love you too, and actually liked staying up talking to her..and she felt the same way at the time..like she is the first girl that i ever felt this crazy for so i dont know

[Dako]

You need to meet some new girls.

 

So do I.

[healinginnyc81]

Dako and messed, I need to meet some new girls, too.

I had that special connection with my ex too, she's the only person I've ever said I love you to, and I find it hard to believe that I'll have that with someone else but with so many women out there, there has to be someone else who has similar personality to our ex's. You have to believe that.

 

As far as it taking you 4 months, don't worry how long it takes. Especially since you weren't doing NC during those 4 months. Just live your life. If it takes a year to get over her, it'll suck but you have to let yourself heal.

 

I've been seeing a counselor, you might want to look into that. It might help you see if your thinking or behavior is preventing you from moving on and what you can do about it.

[MessedUp]

bkjsun your right...and I have been seeing a councilor, but im not 100% yet..i guess we have to allow time to take its course..i do know im getting better day by day...but sometimes i get my bad days like last week where i feel totally hopeless and then i think im crazy cuz its been 4 months and i still feel bad..but then it passes and i feel good and hopeful i guess that i will get better..i just wish i knew the exact time frame and date of when that will happen you know