Once a cheater...?

[Kara]

Straight to the point... If a man cheats on his gf/fiancee for 2 years (continuous affair) prior to their wedding (and she has no idea) ...is it possible for him to change once he's married? Can he suddenly think that this is it, the real deal, and put his cheating ways aside forever??

[RayKay]

I personally don't think so (that they would stop automatically), only because I have seen it happens. I also don't think once a cheater always a cheater though. It all depends, but there are reasons to suspect the person in the story above won't suddenly stop.

 

You are married and committed really when you FEEL married and committed. A wedding ceremony does not remove a leopard's spots.

 

In my opinion, he should of thought it was the "real deal" in the first place, or never have proposed or continued the relationship in the first place.

 

That's my $0.02 anyway.

 

I don't believe once a cheater ALWAYS a cheater, there are plenty of people whom do learn and never do it again, or have any desire to...but the fact he had a continous affair for TWO years, was dishonest for TWO years and was doing so right to the wedding, is a bit indicator he shows no remorse, guilt, consciousness, respect or love for his partner.

[Relationship Coach]

I'm with RayKay but I will say if they don't get caught, they may continue. I know it sounds bad but if they think they are getting away with it they can pretty much adopt the "No Harm, No Foul" feeling. If this is your BF, you need to confront him NOW! If you marry him knowing this is going on, you're in for a painful ride. The also indicates something is missing from the relationship.

 

RC

[melrich]

I agee with RayKay in this case. His form indicates he will probably be a serial cheater.

[Day_Walker]

I have seen that when men all of a sudden get married that they all of a sudden have a conscience and they feel that cheating will no longer be appropriate. As far as my experience goes I have seen these same men cheat again. A person will only change their ways if they want to and that usually doesnt happen unless something drastic happens and changes their perception.

[Tigris]

I agree that you won't be able to trust him and he'll cheat again!

[Hope75]

Did this happen to you? Or are you the other woman?

 

What makes you ask?

[Hope75]

Oh, I just found your response to another's thread, stating that you are the other woman.

 

Are you still with him? Has he told you that once he gets married it's over between you?

[RayKay]

Certainly does not make it any better!

 

Kara, why do you agree to be the other woman, what is he saying to YOU if he can't commit to you either?

[Kara]

I don't think my previous posts are relevent here. That's not why I ask. I am no longer seeing him but still think of him and wonder if he'll be able to remain faithful in a marriage...that's the reason I ask. I feel bad for her and sometimes wonder if I should have told her. That's all. Thanks for the responses.

[Bethany]

I don't think he would change because of marriage, he will one day decide that he no longer wants this other woman and will dump her like a hot brick in a skip, wipe his hands and walk away. Or it will end because the other woman finally had enough of believing his BS and dreaming he doesn't love his wife and will eventually chose her.

[Relationship Coach]

Kara,

Your previous posts help us understand your role in this relationship. I'm glad that you are no longer seeing him no matter whose decision that was. I would hope that he values his marriage enough to be faithful but what would you do if he contacts you once he is married? Your feelings of remorse simply mean you were the OW with regrets. I know in some ways you were probably hurt in this relationship as well but you knew what you were getting involved with didn't you? Hopefully next time you will have the ability to resist this type of relationship.

 

RC