Tactfully breaking it off after a second date?

[Jaela]

Hi guys,

 

I've been on two very casual dates with a friend of mine. We met at work and have known each other for a few months now. One day he asked me for my number and asked if he could take me out. I was flattered and agreed. He's a very handsome Iranian med student and I was thrilled at the opportunity to get to know him better. So far we've had one coffee date, and the second date of playing pool. He's a very sweet man however, after the second date I realized I didn't feel anything romantic towards him. He has been calling and texting me constantly asking to see me again. Is there a way to gently break it to him that I just don't see romance in our future?

 

Thanks in advance for any advice, it is greatly appreciated!

[RayKay]

It's tougher when you work together, since you need to be also around one another more.

 

Just be tactful and polite, but firm, that you have enjoyed your dates, but you do not see a romantic future relationship with him. Do it as you would hope he would in the reverse situation.

[Jaela]

Hi RayKay, we don't work together however we met at my work and he does come in from time to time. That is why I want to handle the situation delicately and with utmost respect and compassion. The only problem may be this; he has come accross as somewhat proud and cocky during one of our dates. I'm a bit worried he'll be insulted no matter how I handle the situation. But I suppose that is his own issue, all I can do is be kind and honest to him, right?

[annie24]

I agree - tell him that while you like him as a person, that you don't feel that "romantic chemistry" that is important for a bf/gf relationship. If he tries to disagree, tell him that you bet there are 100 women in your town that would love to go out with him. You may be surprised how quickly he will agree.

[OceanEyes]

If you have to see him all the time, being honest is probably the best way. Otherwise, I don't believe that going out on two dates with a guy obligates you to give him a lengthy explanation. Everyone gets rejected at some point or another.

 

Do what you feel is best. If you don't feel like having a drawn-out conversation with him about a 2-date relationship, then just keep yourself "busy". There's nothing wrong with that in my opinion, you don't owe a person anything after knowing them for such a short time. Respect, yes, but most people will take a hint and move on.

[metro_girl]

I agree with OceanEyes. The lengthy explanation will probably make him feel worse. Just be busy and he'll get the idea.

[annie24]

Hmm... I see Ocean Eye's point, but I think some people are dense. Most people will get the clue, after a few unreturned phone calls, but this guy might not. It doesn't have to be a long drawn out conversation, but a few sentences of "you're not my type" might be enough.

[Derek]

How about,

 

 

"Hi MachoIranianHairySmartButBoringCoWorkerGuy,

I'm sorry but right now I don't feel we have a future together,

so I think it would be best for both of us to move on.

 

Thanks for the nice time."

 

 

[Jaela]

Well, not to speak badly about someone I barely know but this guy does come accross as a bit dense. He called me last week Tuesday evening and I was really busy, had work all day Wednesday and Thursday, and really wasn't planning on returning any of my calls until Thursday after work at the earliest. Well suddenly Thursday afternoon i get a text from him saying, "I called you and you never called back!" well, duh. Of course I realize I didnt call back yet, and it was barely two days, heh. Since then he's been calling and texting almost every day or every other day with, "I want to see you again." He just comes off as cocky demanding and yes, even rude. We were out to coffee once and out to play pool once, no affectionate touching, no kissing just a hug or two. If he's acting this demanding all ready I'd hate to see what he's like in an actual relationship.

 

I'm kind of new to all this but I dont see why I have to give him some elaborate explanation considering we barely know each other. I'll just make myself 'busier' than I all ready am, if that's possible. Hopefully he'll take the hint.

 

Sigh. The attention is very flattering but at the same time very stressful!

[RayKay]

Jaela,

 

There is no need for an "elaborate explanation" but I think just telling him you are not interested is a good idea. The problem with just "getting busier" is people may get the impression you just are going through a busy time and they'll be "supportive", or they may become even more attracted and persistent in some reverse pyschology.

 

I would say if he does not "take the hint" very soon, you just need to let him know you are not interested.

[NJRon]

Yeah, I've had my fair share of rejection and I find it much better to get a quick "I had a good time, but it's just not working for me." or "Thanks for the enjoyable time, but I don't see this going anywhere. Good luck." rather than be ignored. While you don't owe anyone an explanation after just a couple of dates, ignoring them is just disrespectful. I think if someone is a decent person, they deserve to be acknowledged.

[ocrob]

Two dates is absolutely no time at all and most guys will not get too attached that quickly. Let him know that you are only interested in him as a friend and he will move on.

[OceanEyes]

I don't know ... I think this entirely depends on the nature of your relationship before you went on a date. If you were actually friends before, or had hung out just as friends, then yeah, I do agree that some type of "I'm just not feeling the connection" discussion should take place.

 

If I had just met a guy and dated him a couple of times, I really don't think that there would be any obligation to do anything other than just distancing yourself. What's so wrong with that? When I put myself into that situation, I have never, EVER gotten emotionally attached to a guy after seeing him twice. If the contact dropped off, I would probably just take it as a sign that things weren't going any further, and would glady (and painlessly) move on with my life. I understand that a lot of people consider it polite to just be up-front and honest, but when a person just stops contact with you after one or two dates, it's pretty damn obvious. Plus, it wouldn't be as awkward as having a guy tell me, "I just don't like you that way" (no matter HOW you say this, it's going to come accross to the person as "I don't find you attractive, and don't really like that much about you").

 

If someone doesn't take "the hint" and keeps persisting, at that point I'd be honest. Otherwise, I truly believe that most people can just cut their losses and move on.